iamcal.com Since May 2000

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• Hello!

I got this yesterday:

good day,


compliment of the season to you and your entire family, and hope life with
you is well and business condition is okay,if so thanks be to God almight.
please i am very sorry for sending this email to you dont mind we dont know
each other before , this pro

posal i think your trust worthy will see this transaction true.

I need your help,I am DAVID AKAMBA the son of the late chief RICHAARD
AKAMBA of {ndaze}a village near monrovia Liberia he is a diamond and gold
dealer and top flight politician in Liberia.

I came to know you in the course of my search for foriegn investors`who
can assist my family to invest the fund outside africa, our late father
chief AKAMBA who was serious gold and diamond dealer and the top flight
politician,{opposition}to the current


government, who was killed by president charles Taylor in the year 2002,
we later find out that our father during his gold and diamond business time
he has deposited two metal boxes containing money and 35million usd cash
with a security company in Accra

ghana.

In recovering that, we fine out that he stated in the agreement with the
security company that with out a foriegn partner, the money should not be
released to the next of kin,because he intended to invest the money outside
africa for onward investment.




The money kept in the trunk boxes was registered as family treasure, the
content is not known to the security.
in your assistance of presenting you to the security company as a foriegn
partner we are willing to give you 15% of the total content of the boxes,
and also 5% for expenses you may incure during this transction.

All necesary document regarding the deposit are with me as the next of
kin,and my late fathers attorney out the time of deposit will assist us
legally by proving you as the foriegn partner, in your reply include your
phone and fax numbers for further dis
cussion.

note that this transaction is 100% risk free and legal by ghana judiciary,

pls if inrested ? pls reply or call me through my email or call me
email-david_akamba@yahoo.com
mobile-00233-24-863991


Best Regards,
DAVID AKAMBA


N B , I AM ADDRESSING THIS EMAIL TO MYSELF FOR THE SAFETY OF THIS
TRANSACTION
PLS. AND I WANT IT TO BE CONFIDENTIAL BETWEEN ME AND YOU.

and I replied with this:

What do I have to do?

This morning I got this:

good day ,

thanks for your reply ,

what you have to do is that ,

you will act as our foriegn partner , we only need our family lawyer to raise a power attorney that will authorize you as the foriegn partner the fund in the trunk box will be delivered to you on our behalf . .and also help us invest the funds in business that will attract more income in your country ,and we will give you 15% of the total fund and addition 5% for expenses you may incure during this transaction .

pls do send me this information about your self for us to be sure that we are in safe hands , and our money we be safe in your hands before our arrival to your country to join you there.

your complete address of where you stay and come from ,
business experaince and age ,mobile phone number and fax number for further details , and scan the first two pages of your international passport ,

before we can proceed on this transaction


thanks for your co-operation

best regards
david akamba
mobile-00233-24-863991

What should I send back?

Dont do it Grim.... I think it might be a scam

LOL!

:)

Do it Grim...., it'll be a laugh!

I've already done it, Sul, now I just need to know what to do next.

I think maybe I'll say that I looked up Akamba Diamond and Gold on the internet and sent the fax to them.

Surely people dont actually fall for this sort of thing?

perhaps you should tell them you work for Scotland Yard and are investigating them, the games up!

Where's Chay?
I need him to Photoshop the details around on my passport...

Make it into Mr T's passport :)

Yeah!

Oh, more:
dear friend ,

this is what the trunk box look like, this picture was taking by my late father before sealing the trunk box , and depositing them in the company in ghana, and thier are still sealed when me and my late fathers attorney who was the principal witness visited the security insurance company to check if anyone touch the trunk box that was yesterday ,


pls keep this picture private for the safety of our future in your country, do reach me the information i need about you .


best regards
richard akamba

Here is the pic:

Hmm, it doesn't work.
Yes it does.
%^£%^$£"%&*%

Grim - its bull

There is a special name for this scam, I cannot remember what it is called - possibly the 419 scam?

wasn't there a feature on B3ta about it a while back, one guy built a website listing all the communication and photos and even met the guy at the airport?

Friday - he knows ;)

someone want some photoshopping done?

oh ok (phew)

I got this:


FROM JOSEPH GUEI(joeguie@yahoo.co.nz)

URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL ASSISTANCE.

My name is David the Son of late General Robert Guei, the Ex-Military head of State of Ivory Coast, who was murdered along with the Interior Minister on the 19th of September 2002 (You can visit news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/... for complete report on thisincident).

I contacted you because of my need to deal with persons whom my family and I have had no previous personal relationships. Since the murder of my father, I have been subjected to all sorts of harassment and intimidation with lots of negative reports emanating from the Government and the press about my family. The present Government has also ensured that our bank accounts are frozen and all assets seized. It is in view of this that I seek your co-operation and assistance
in the transfer of the sum of Twenty Seven Million United States Dollars (US$27,000,000.00) being the very last of my family fund in my possession and control, after the murder of my father the Federal Government seized all our properties and our accounts both local and international was frozen.

My only hope now is this cash that my father carefully packaged and deposited as artifacts with a Security/Finance Company in the Netherlands.The said sum can easily be with drawn or paid to a recommended beneficiary.

The security company based on my instructions will release the fund to you and you will be presented as my partner who will be fronting for me in area of viable and profitable business.

To show my preparedness and appreciation to carry-out this business with you, 25% of the total sum will be your share and 20% commission of the proceeds realized from the investment of this fund will also be yours, also 5% is to be set aside for any eventual cost that might arise as the transaction proceeds. I need your full support and co-operation for the success of this transaction.

I plead with you to treat this issue confidential and urgent because it is delicate and it demands a great degree of secrecy. I am presently in the NIGERIA seeking Asylum. I would want you to reach me through my email address above if you are interested to assist me. I sincerely will appreciate your response.

I wait to hear from you.

Regards,

Joseph Guei.

What do these ppl get out of this? Money or something? I don't understand why they are doing it.

can someone please explain?

I think that they promise you money, but you have to put up some money for 'expenses' which they then take and run, but this amount could be thousands of pounds

Its a scam to get your bank details. my advice to grim is to forward the contact details from yours, to plindoe's guy, and vice versa.

Chay - I need the back two pages of a british passport that belongs to Mr T!

I have replied:
I looked up Akamba's Jewellers in Monrovia on the internet's yellow pages and sent the information you requested to the fax number listed.

What do we do now?

Cue silly people going "What? There really is an Akamba's Jewellers?" and swearing a lot.

Then give him your mobby number so when he phones you can call him a crazy foo' and express your fear of flying.

"I aint getting on no plane to Nigeria you crazy foo'"

Liberia (Sul) and more likely to be a business called Akamba Trading or Akamba Enterprise

Yes, that is whats wrong with sul's idea.

Oh well, too late now...

hey give me 10 minutes

Sorry, Liberia, I didnt read Grim's one all the way through.

But apart from that my idea is sound as a pound

PLEASE can we see Mr T's passport!!??

There a link to the b3ta thing?

I'm buying you time, Chay...

The Lads from Lagos

not a link to the B3ta thing BTW

sorry, i had it done a few minutes ago but someone came in to talk to me

excellent Chay!!!

Hat's off to you sir!

wauw !

would it not be funny if everyone (or the majority) of people receiving these 419 emails replied with this passport?

yes that is his birth date
/geek

friday:
yes
omg yes :D

Mr T becomes the hero!!!

Well done Chay. Top 'shopping :)

Although probably illegal ;)

Yay!

"Although probably illegal ;)"

Blah :)

Okay, sen't Dear David,
In case the faxed passport pages didn't come out too well, here is a scanned copy.
I had to use the work scanner but I was ninja-like in my stealth, so I don't think anyone saw.
Yours,
T
ATTACH: mrt.jpg

Mr T is British now? amazing!

"I had to use the work scanner but I was ninja-like in my stealth, so I don't think anyone saw."

excellent one Grim

I wonder what David is thinking......?

yes, he applied for citizenship

maybe he's thinking that Grim's gonna flip out and kill him.

hee hee!

just noticed the 'PTTHEFOO', nice :)

thanks :D

Yay!

dear friend ,

pls i am in ghana presently sent the information to my email box
and you can call me that is all,pls dont send anything to that fax number do you understand me?

pls send the information again by mail ,

thanks
david akamba

I have replied:

Did my passport get through?
Even though I am sending these mails with a |\|1-nja encryption algorithm, I think my company may still be stopping them...

Oh, and my name is Mista'tee - you don't have to keep calling me 'friend'.
Yours,
Mista'tee Foo

=]

Mr Grim, keep up the good work!

I like the "do you understand me?" bit

If he replies with "Dear Mista'tee" it will make my whole week =]

Nice 'shopping, Chay!

thank you

I date a genius :-D

You're going out with Stephen Hawking? SCREAM!

AWOOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

This is excellent.

yes it is, I can't wait for the next episode!

=[
No more contact from Mr Akamba.

Did anyone else notice that his name magically changed from 'David' to 'Richard' in his penultimate contact?

THERE IS A GOD!
dear mista'tee foo
pls send me the passport by scan or forget about help us areyou joking pls this my family feature i can joke with it

bye

Reply:
Dear David,
Of course I am not joking. This money means a lot to me. My business has been kind of slow since the 80's.
I will attach my passport again in case you didn't get it.

Your friend,
Mista'tee.
ATTACH: mrt.jpg

HAHAHAHAHA

Hahahahahhahahhhahhahhhaaaaaa :D:D:D:D:D:D
EXCELLENT :D

Hip hip!! Back in business!!!

Oh God, I'm laughing so much, everyone in the office is looking at me like I'm a freak =]

(you are a freak)
;)

share it with them Grim, I am sure they will all be laughing freakily as well, I know most people I have told also have found this hilarious

This is great. Sounds liek he's getting a bit peeved ad might accuse you of wasting his time! What a guy.

Good work Grim!

I thank you.

:D

That'll be the best thing ever: a spammer accusing his victims of timewasting.

I think he's gone for good now, I need a new one.
If anyone has one of those emails from recent times could you forward it to msquirrellATtensor.co.uk?

I delete them, but when I get another, then of course, Mr T will be the answer!!!!!!!

Excellent laugh

Thank you

Oh.

My.

God.

Dear mista tee,

pls if you are serious then give me a call lets discuss
and send me your mobile number for easy contact before i can reach the document, i dont real believe you are mista tee

prove your self to me that you are real mista tee i know in the television in africa some years ago then i will reach you the document and give you my late fathers attorney conatct who will preapre the power of attorney that will prove you as the foriegn partner ,

i think if this is real my mother will be the happiest woman to as foriegn partner ,pls if your are joking stop it this our feature and meaning our only hope in life.

thanks

david akamba
00233-24-863991.

HAHAHA :D

Reply:
David my brother,

You said "I came to know you in the course of my search for foreign investors".
If that's true, how could you not know I was the one and only 'T'?
I think it is you that should prove yourself. I pity the fool who offers Mr T gold and then snatches it away!
That money could help out a lot of youth centers, and poor kids could have a happier life too - you should understand that.
My brother, it was you that said we had to trust each other, well, I'm trusting you - can you trust 'T'?

Be with me, my brother.

Yours in waiting,
Mista'tee Foo.

Chay! I need a 'shopped picture of Mr T holding a card or something that says 'David Akamba' on it!

he he he, cool dude

lol!!

Oh my, this is getting funnier and funnier.

YAY the next episode is on!!!

Grim - if he insists on actually flying into UK, how about organising at a nearby venue a big A team fans reunion event, maybe through B3ta, with everyone dressed as Mr T

(my imagination is getting carried away with me)

:-)

Come on, Chay!

hey grim, i've got work to do today, give me a while i'll see what i can do.

if anyone can find a picture of Mr T, preferably at a convention or soemthing, so it looks natural, rather than a studio shot

then i will photoshop it.

let me know guys :D

Mr T hunt!

And i wouldn't say that to his face grim.

:-)

how do i make him hold up a sign!

Handbags out!

DEAR ,Mista'tee Foo.
PLEASE KINDLY UNDERSTAND I COME TO KNOW YOUR IN MY SEARCH DOSENT MEAN A KNOW YOUR ARE MR MISTA ,TEE , YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS ONLY STATE MATT SQUIRRELL.

I COULD ,NT BELIEVE THE PASSPORT YOU SENT TO ME.

I WAS WAIT OUR FAMILY LAWYER THIS MOURNING AND HE TOLD ME THAT , HE WILL WANT TO SPEAK TO YOU VIA PHONE ,SO WHY CANT YOU SEND YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND FAX NUMBER ? THEY LAWYER WILL NEED YOUR HOME ADDRESS TO PREAPRE THE DOCUMENT DO UNDERSTAND .

WHY DONT YOU CALL ME IF YOUR ARE RELLY INTRESTED , IN ASSISTING US OUT OF AFRICA BEFORE CHRISTMAS.

PLS IF YOU ARE INTRESTED MEET MY REQUEST AND CALL ME

BEST REGARDS
DAVID AKAMBA

Reply:
LISTEN UP, FOO'!

The T-Man does not take kindly to being called a liar!
You need to stop this jibba jabba and let's get this thing rolling!
Give me the number of your lawyer! I'll phone the foo' and he'll feel the FORCE of T!

I've already sent you my passport, you can look at it and tell that it's perfect, and yet YOU doubt ME, Mr T?
You've hurt me deep, brother.

Mista'tee.

I bet his lawyers telephone is going to be out of order...

I need you, Chay!

hang on

I'm hanging!

ok ive done it
give me a minute to upload

i have work to do damnit! i havent time to make Mr T scanned Polaroids agghh!

here we go, not too good but what do you expect :)

*snigger*

once again I commend Chay's 'shopping skills.

*tips hat*

i think he looks concerned and serious about helping poor david, dont you?

(it could be better but lets face it im not spending all day on it i really have other stuff to do)

Where is Grim... i thought he was "hanging"

Oh how I wish that were true ;)

Bit harsh there Sul.

LOL!

:D

Its a bloody joke. Look. Wink -> ;)

Nice one, Chandler!

David,
I tried to call your number but I couldn't get through.
I didn't have to long to try as I have an interview with "80's Hero's" magazine.
But what I did do, my secretary and I went into my garden and took a Polaroid of me, saying I want to help YOU! I'm all dressed up in my gold for this magazine, so I know that as one of my fans, you'll recognise Mr T!
My secretary scanned the picture and I'm attaching it to this message.
I hope this picture will prove who I am and make you realise that Mr T wants to help you!
Have you any idea how lucky you are to have got into contact with me? You know, in 1972 me and my crack commando unit were sent to prison by a military court for a crime we didn't even commit! We promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground, and survived as soldiers of fortune.
Now YOU have a problem, NO-ONE ELSE can help. You found me, and I'm ready to give you all the help you need!
We are A Team!

I hope to hear from you soon, my brother.

Mista'tee.

ATTACH: polaroid.jpg

=] =] =]

:D

We are A Team!

snigger

:)

"THEY LAWYER WILL NEED YOUR HOME ADDRESS TO PREAPRE THE DOCUMENT DO UNDERSTAND ."

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE OUT AN ADDRESS GRIM...
:D

Hell no, foo'!

The T can't give out an address!
His fans would tread on his flowers, sucka!

I think you might get angry emails at some point mr. squirrell

Cant wait to hear the reply!!

hehe

hey grim,
give me about, well lets put it at half a million out of that chest

No.

come on, i don't get enough dough from rapping

I bet you make a mint over the xmas period though.

yeah, i do but this isn't xmas

it almost is

I will tell my grandchildren about this, this is funny!!!!!!!!!!

Good work boys!!

Is it me or is it impossible to read the sentence "Good work boys!" without it being in either a) a 1920's american gangster accent or b) an overly zealous female school teacher?

Deffo "a)"

Quality stuff dudes, big double thumbs up. :D

Thought you might like to see this. A friend of mine got totally pissed off receiving these things. This is what he posted to us about a recent one.........

...............................................
You know... every day I get a dozen pleas in my e-mail box from someone
in
Nigeria begging my assistance in helping them liberate some vast sum of
money in hidden Nigerian accounts. One might think the entire economy
of
Nigeria is tied up in hidden accounts. I've always wanted to have fun
with
one of these guys but never actually got around to yanking their
chains...

... until today.

For your reading enjoyment I submit The Revenge Of The Buck Cake
Tentacoo
Wape Syndicate.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-=-=-



--- muyiwa ige wrote:
>SIR,
>
> URGENT ASSISTANCE
>MY NAME IS MR MUYIWA IGEH, FIRST SON OF LATE CHIEF BOLA
>IGEH, FORMER MINISTER OF JUSTICE AND ATTORNEY GENERAL
>TO FEDERAL REPLUBIC OF NIGERIA.

And now your father's failure is complete! Now we know your location.
This
is a glorious day.

>MY FATHER WAS ASSASINATED BY UNKNOWN PEOPLE WHILE
>VISITING HIS HOME TOWN FROM THE CAPITAL TERRITORY.

Unknown? You people are fools! Your father was assasinated by the BUCK
CAKE
TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE. We left a copy of our Buck Cake Manifesto on
your
father's body. It may have been a little stained what with all the
blood
leaking out of your father's corpse but anyone with even the most basic
grasp of the english language should have been able to figure out it
was our
organisation that killed your father. It was well known that your
father
opposed the liberation of Buck Cake and free Tentacoo Wape for all. He
deserved the death we delivered upon him. And now that we know the
location
of his First Son we'll be able to tie up that loose end too. Fool! You
have
sealed your own fate!

>SINCE HIS DEATH, INVESTIGATIONS HAS BEEN GOING ON TO
>KNOW THE REASON FOR HIS ASSASINATION BUT NOTHING IS
>COMING UP.

Ha! Your ignorance is a great cause of merriment to me. WE control the
investigation. You cannot stop the BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE!
Like
the mighty C'thulhu our tentacles reach into the governments of every
nation
on this world. Tremble for your time is near!

>IT HAPPENED THAT AFTER GOING THROUGH HIS
>PERSONAL FILES, I FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS TO ADDRESS THE
>NATION ON THE ISSUE OF CORRUPT LEADERS AND THEIR BAD
>DEEDS, TO THE GOOD CITIZENS OF HIS COUNTRY WHICH HE
>WAS THE ONLY PERSON IN POSITION TO DO THIS.

Corrupt? It was your father who was the one who was corrupt with his
brutal
persecution of those who seek the rapture of Tentacoo Wape and those
who
wish for the free flow of Buck Cake. Don't try to play your spin on me.
Your
father was an evil, evil man who got what he deserved.


>MY FAMILY RECEIVES MYSTEROUS MAILS AND PHONE CALLS
>TRYING TO KNOW IF HE REVEALED ANY INFORMATION TO US
>BEFORE HE GAVE UP.

Who do you think has been calling you? Sheeesh! Are you guys dense or
what?

>WE TRIED TO KNOW THE CALLERS BUT THEY REFUSED TO IDENTIFY
>THEMSELVES.

What do you mean. I have a transcript of the last call we placed to
your
family. Our operative clearly identified himself as "Abuha Akbar of the
BUCK
CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE". How stupid can you people be? He even
spelled
his name out for you when you asked him to. Come on!

>IN THIS CASE WE REQUESTED FOR SECURITY MEN
>IN MY FAMILY FROM THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT,BUT UPTIL NOW
>WE HAVE NOT SEEN ANY.

Well duh! Who do you think controls the federal government's security
forces? Oh yeah, that's right the BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE!
Fools!

>I DECIDED TO TAKE MY FAMILY TO A
>NEBOURING COUNTRY WHERE THEY CAN STAY UNTIL I FIND A
>BETTER PLACE.

Thank you for letting us know where your family is. I will personally
see to
it that they are taken care of. At last the puny forces that oppose the
liberation of Buck Cake and Tentacoo Wape will be crushed once and for
all.
This is a glorious day indeed!

>THERE IS AN ACCOUNT OPENED IN MY FATHERS PERSONAL
>COMPANIES NAME CONTAINING THIRTY THREE MILLION FOUR
>HUNDRED AND SEVENTY THOUSAND US DOLLARS($33.47M). I
>WANT THIS FUND TO LEAVE MY COUNTRY AND BE TRANSFERED
>TO A FOREIGN ACCOUNT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE THIS
>IS WHERE MY FAMILY LIFE LIES .

That was the last piece of the puzzle we needed. Now that we know the
existance of your father's bank accounts it is only a matter of time
before
the BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE's team of ninja hackers crack the
codes and electronically steal every corrupt penny your father has
stolen
from the people as he strove to enslave them and deprive them of their
Buck
Cake and Tentacoo Wape! That money will be put to good use now, I can
assure
you.

>I THEREBY REQUEST FOR YOUR INTEREST IN ASSISTING ME
>WELCOME THIS FUND INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AND ACCOMODATE
>UNTIL I'M FREE TO COME OVER TO YOUR COUNTRY TO MEET
>WITH YOU.

Oh I will be welcoming this fund into my account, make no mistake about
that
and it is you who have assisted me. Your incompitence has been my
greatest
asset. As for coming over to my country to meet with me, don't trouble
yourself. Now that your location has been learned representatives of
the
BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE will be coming to meet with you very
shortly. Don't be too surprised if they should happen to knock down
your
door before you have even finished reading this email.


>IF YOU SUCEED IN HELPING ME I WILL OFFER YOU 20% OF
>THE TOTAL VALUE FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED GREAT ASSISTANCE.

I think I will take 100% of the money now that I know where it is and
where
you are. Your trusting nature has undone yourself. It is a glorious day
for
the BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE!

>IT IS ALSO MY GREAT INTENTION TO INVEST OUT OF THE
>MONEY IN ANY LUCRATIVE BUSINESS YOU MAY RECOMEND ON
>YOUR HONOR IN YOUR COUNTRY AND WE CAN RUN IT TOGETHER
>AS PARTNERS.

Partner myself with the First Son of that dog Chief Bola Igeh? Is that
your
pitiful attempt at humour? No amount of pleading and begging can save
you
now. There can be no partnership, only the complete triumph of the BUCK
CAKE
TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE! Prepair for your doom.

>WRITE ME BACK IMMEDIATELY ON RECEIPT OF THIS MESSAGE
>INDICATING YOUR INTEREST.

My interest is the destruction of all of Chief Bola Igeh's line. My
interest
is the destruction of all who would deny the people their Buck Cake and
Tentacoo Wape. You shall feel the wrath of my interest soon enough
First Son
of Chief Bola Igeh! We will come for you when you least expect it and
your
lost thought will be how your own foolishness has undone you. Long live
the
BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE!

>THIS TRANSFER WILL BE
>EFFECTED WITHOUTH DELAY WITH YOUR MAXIMUM AND PROMPT
>CO-OPERATION.

Our elite ninja hackers have already begun work on the transfer. Soon
all
your money are belong to us! Make your time, gentlement, make your
time!

>I'M COUNTING ON YOUR SINCERETY AND TRUSTWORTHINESS IN
>THIS ASSISTANCE.

Trust me, I am sincere in my desire to see all those who would oppose
the
BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE SYNDICATE crushed like the insects that they
are.
Thank you for your assistance in hunting down the last of the Chief
Bola
Igeh clan.

>I AM WAITING FOR YOUR PROMPT REPLY.

And now you have it. Expect a visit when you least expect it.

>YOURS SINCERELY,
>
>MR MUYIWA IGEH.
>234-8033236028.

You are a bigger fool than your father First Son Muyiwa Igeh! Did you
really
think you could stand against the might of the BUCK CAKE TENTACOO WAPE
SYNDICATE? You have caused your own undoing. Your days are numbered.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
-=-=-

Looks like the 'polaroid' did the trick =]

dear mr tee
i first of all appologies for the debt,pls forgive me and where are you presently and which business did you wants to invest on that will be profitable for but of us ,

i will try and see my lawyer and collect is mobile number and reach by tommorrow ,i feel safe and sure that you will pretect our intrest in your country .

and pls i beg you do try to call me we need to talk,

one more question dont you have a phone in your office or a mobile?i think someone like you suppose to have all this.

pls if i want to reach you the document are do i send it since you didnt give me your fax number, should i can them .

best regards
mr david akamba
your feature business partner
00233-24-863991

dear mr tee
i have talk the lawyer he has agreed ,that you should reach him on this number,
barrister strass desmond
phone number-00233-24-549-144
e-mail -strassdesmond2000@yahoo.com

pls reach me after discussing the next step with the lawyer

best regards
david akamba

My reply:

David my brother,
Pleased to see that you finally accept who I am!
I had my secretary call your lawyer several times this weekend, but the line was busy or something, because all she got was a strange noise, and then she got disconnected. She's going to get British Telecom to check the number.

I intend to spend the money on youth centers for kids. Them centers can bring a lot of joy to sad little lives. I don't need it myself, I've got plenty of money.

I can't give you my mobile telephone number for legal reasons, but my telephone number is 020 757 5655 - my secretary will answer. You need a code name to contact me - ask for 'Master Bates'. Be sure to call between 9am and 5pm GMT!

Yours,

Mista'tee

who's number is that?

(and Barrister Strass Desmond is almost as cool a name as 'Judge John Deed')

Dunno - phone it and find out, I just typed it in.

"Dunno - phone it and find out, I just typed it in."

omg lol

'Master Bates'

HAHahahahahaha OMG LOLOL.

I nearly used this number - 020 7239 7380, but if I did then the game would definatly be up =]

this is getting better and better.

Who's number is that?

Scotland Yards Fraud Squad

W00t! He's calling me Mr. Tee!

Dear mr.Tee,

But I am suprise that you could not get through to the lawyer,any way,you should have written the lawyer an email.

The lawyer actually will help in drawing some basic agreement between us,and also handle all legal issue regarding this transaction. But please I want you to know that the lawyer is not aware that there is money in the box,he thought it is family valuables, because that was what my late father told the security company as well as the lawyer.

So please you can contact the lawyer by email,so that we can proceed on this transaction.

best regards,
david akamba.

T contacts the lawyer, but has some suspicions...

Dear Mr Desmond,

David Akamba has asked me to contact you regarding his family treasures.
Well, that's what I'm doing!

Yours,
Mista'tee Foo.

P.S. What sort of crazy foo' lawyer uses a yahoo! email address?

T tells David of his fears...

David,
I have done as you asked, my brother, but I don't think this lawyer of yours is legit.
Are you sure he can be trusted? I don't want to jeopardise either your safety or my youth centers.
What sort of barrister uses a yahoo email address?

T

LOL!!!

:D

"What sort of barrister uses a yahoo email address?"

Why, one employed by a Nigerian scamster of course.

pleeeaaase stop putting question marks at the end of every single statement? agghhhhh? it's doing my head in?

1 |)1d/\/'t +|-|1/\/|< 0f th4T...

So did i.

ARGH!! STOP IT WITH THE FUCKING L33T!! STABSTABSTAB!!!

this thread gives me so much joy

I changed it for your sanity. Okay?

thank you

I thought after reading this thread on Friday night, it would have been the end of it, but oh no, it continues!! Excellent - the guy is really fooling for it............

Message from the 'lawyer'...

ATTN; MR. MISTA TEE FOO,

I AM NOT USE TO RECEIVING THIS TYPE OF MAILS,AS REGARD QUESTION AS TO WHAT TYPE OF LAWYER USES YAHOO EMAIL ACCOUNT.PLEASE WE SHOULD BE POLITE IN OUR DEALING.

WELL MR DAVID AKAMBA HAS TOLD ME ABOUT YOU,AND THAT HE WANTS YOU TO ASSIST HIM TO MOVE HIS FAMILY VALUABLES TO YOUR COUNTRY,BUT HE WANTS ME TO DRAW UP AN AGREEMENT FOR THE TRANSACTION SO THAT HE WILL BE REST ASSURED THAT THERE WOULD BE A MUTUAL TRUST.

SINCE I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU,I HAVE TO DRAW UP AN AGREEMENT FOR BOTH OF YOU. SO PLEASE I WANT TO KNOW IF I SHOULD PROCEED WITH THE DRAFTING OF THE AGREEMENT.

REGARDS,

DESMOND.

T's not buying it...

Strass
There is no reason whatsoever for me to be polite. This is a business transaction, not a kindergarten group.
Answer the question, or I will not say another word to you.

What type of lawyer uses a Yahoo! email address?

Mr T.

Handbags out!

ATTN; MR. T,

WE ARE NOT USE TO THIS TYPE OF UNGUIDED MAILS.AND FROM YOUR WRITE UP ,IT SHOWS WHO YOU ARE,I CAN NOW UNDERSTAND WHY MR .DAVID AKAMBA WANTED ME TO DRAFT AN AGREEMENT BETWEEN BOTH OF YOU BEFORE HE CAN PROCEED WITH YOU.I DONT HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE WITH SUCH CHARACTERS,I REGRET TO TELL YOU THAT I WILL QUITE HAVING ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

I WILL INFORM MR. DAVID AKAMBA ABOUT THIS.

BYE.
DESMOND.

LOL!

:D

If i were you grim, i would shop 'David Akamba'. Tell the lawyer about the money and try and convince him that the two of you should steal it from 'David'

But they're the same person...?

:Confused:

But Mista Tee don't know that. Foo!

SUGGEST YOUR OWN LAWYER

:-)

Have David Hasselhoff as the lawyer

what about wonderwoman?

Excellent. "I Can't Believe It's A Law Firm!"

When you eventually cut off communication make sure you send him this...

What does that say on her pants?

Damn you and your time travelling!

6%&^%&$"^^%*$

IT'S THE SCAM!
Finally, he's asking for some cash.

DEAR MR T


THE LAWYER CALLED ME TODAY THAT HE IS OUT, THAT YOU CAN BE HIS CLIENT AND YOUR INSULTED HIM THAT .

THAT IS NO LONGER INRESTED IN GIVE US THE HELP WE NEED FROM HIM. LOOK MR T ,PLEASE UNDERSTAND WE ARE REFUGEE IN GHANA WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO SPEND ON A LAWYER THE TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS WE GIVE TO MR STRASS DESMOND (ESQ) IS THE MONEY WE GET FROM THE SALES OF MY MOTHER GOLD NICKLACE .

PLS I UNDERSTAND YOUR REASON OF REJECTING THE BARRISTER YOU THINK IS TO LOCAL , PLS MR T KNOW WE HAVE TO LOOK FOR ANOTHER LAWYER , WHO WE DO THE LEGAL DUTIES , THE POWER ATTORNEY AND CHANGE OF OWNERSHIP ,

THIS ARE THE DOCUMENT WE NEED TO GET FROM THE HIGH COURT GHANA IN YOUR NAME AND FULL ADDRESS , TO BE SIGNED BY ME GIVING YOUR THE POWER AND RIGHT AS THE NEW BENEFICIARY OF THE CONSIGNMENT, AFTER PREPARING THIS DOCUMENT, WE SHALL SEND THEM FOR THE PROCEEDURE OF CLAIMING THE CONSIGNMENT FROM THE SECURITY INSURANCE COMPANY . THAT WE GIVE YOUR THE DIRECT RIGHT TO DEAL WITH THE COMPANY DIRECT AND CLEAR THE CONSIGNMENT FOR TRANFER ,THIER AFTER WE WILL ARRANGE WITH GHANA CUSTOM DEPLOMATIC MEN TO DELIVER THE C0NSIGNMENT TO YOU IN EUROPE .

THIS ALL WE NEED TO DO . MY DEAR BROTHER AND FATHER MR T

PLS SHOULD I LOOK FOR ANOTHER LAWYER? THEN YOUR WILL SEND US THREE HUNDRED EURO ?, TO HIRE THE LAWYER AS YOU DISLIKE THIS ONE AND SACK HIM.THROUGH WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER ,PLS SEND IT TO MRS VIDA AGYEMEN
SHE IS OUR REFUGEE CAMP CONDINATOR SHE IS THE ONE RECIEVING MONEY US IN THE CAMP.PLS AFTER SENDING THE MONEY CALL ME SO I CALLED ARRANGE FOR A NEW LAWYER TODAY OR TOMORROW ,AND SEND THE TEXT QUESTION AND CONTROL NUMBER TO MY MAIL BOX AND THE NAME YOU USE IN SENDING THE MONEY.

DO BE FAST SO WE CAN LEAVE AFRICA BY THE END OF THE MOUNTH ,


MAY GOD BLESS YOU PLS AS YOU ASSIST .

TRY AND CALL ME IT WILL BE EASY IN THE NIGHT GHANA AND LONDON HAS ALMOST THESAME TIME DIFFERANCE ,

I TRIED YOUR LINE BUT IT WAS BUSY THROUGH OUT 4.30PM TO 5.00PM

BEST REGARDS
DAVID AKAMBA

Time to scare him...

David!

I'm glad you got rid of 'Strass' - he was a joke, not a lawyer - he was trying to scam you!
No barrister costs $200, more like $2,000. He was a fraudster, trying to steal your money and take you for a ride.
Stick with Mr T, and I'll protect you from scammers like him!

Listen, foo', 300 euro's ain't enough for a proper lawyer, and I guess you don't know who you can trust, but it's okay! I'll set you up with my lawyer, one of the best in this country, that ain't no problem.

Please fax the forms you need to my lawyer in the USA, his number is 775-806-7066. He can easily sort out all the legal mumbo-jumbo, and then fax the forms back to you, with my details filled out by me, so you can get your cash out of that country.
You see, my brother? Mr T is helping you out, just like he said he would!

I am devestated to hear that you had to sell your mothers gold necklace. I have hella amounts of gold, I wear it all the time. I'd like to send you $200 so you can buy your mothers necklace back - it's not your fault that your gave the money to that scamming lawyer! I've got a good mind to come out there and teach that 'lawyer' how to fly! These con artists may be tough, but they're not as tough as ME, MR T!

Tell me the details of Western Union Money Transfer, and I'll get one of my people onto it straight away.

If you want to talk, talk to my secretary - Elizabeth. You can ask for her on this number: 0171 839 1377.
Call that number, and ask for Elizabeth, and then tell her your new code name - 'Master Bating'.
If you speak to someone who won't put you through, say "Get me Elizabeth NOW! I'm Master Bating, damnit!".
Make sure you tell them that you are Master Bating and you need to talk to Elizabeth URGENTLY.

Your brother,
Mr T.

"MY DEAR BROTHER AND FATHER MR T "

?!?

:/

This is strange.

I've changed the mail I sent to him slightly to include the phone numbers and instructions at the end.

Rosie & ButtMutt: It's strange because he can't speak English - it's just a term of 'respect' from these people.

I hope to God he calls that number and says 'Get me Elizabeth - I'm masterbating'. That would make my entire fucking life.

LOL!

"ButtMutt" :D

I too once fell for the "ring this number and ask for Liz" joke :/

In case you haven't guessed, that telephone number is for Buckingham Palace.

(Which BM obviously has).

Of course he has, he played there, tsk.

Do you think that little fence was erected for Brian 'ArsePuppy' May's safety?

FACT - Instead of a PDA/organiser etc, Mr May writes memos on his suits.

Example:

"Tuesday - My wife Anita's turn to wear the hair"

this just gets better

Wouldn't it be great if 'David' was a couple of jokers from some other website who know grim vaguely and are just having a bit of a giggle pretending to be net scamerizers.

(and LOL at ButtMutt)

This thread makes my life complete (and so does the term buttmutt)

:D

(I was kind of hoping that I made her life complete, but never mind, looks like Mr T and Buttmutt have the edge :( )

ha ha lol @ chay!

:D

I'm gonna finish this soon, I promise...

dear mr t
did you reciece my breakdown of why your lawyer in usa cannot prepare all document because the security insurance company will not accept an american court oath , only ghanain court ,
pls send the money to mrs vida agyeman accra ghana through western union money tranfer , in your location ,total sum 500 dollars. 300 dollars for the new lawyer introduce to me by the securtity company manager , 200 dollars to claim my mothers necklace back as you promise .and send me the text question and answer , control number and name of sender , all this will be given to you after you have send the money.

you lawyer should prepare agreement between but of us ,
my contact mr david akamba of ndaze in monrovia liberia ,and mr t . that you are entiled to 20% of the total fund and the balance for to be invested in the children center and also buy a house for us to stay in your country ,that you will safe guide the funds before our arrive that you to recieve the trunk boxes on our behalf ,then you have to sign and scan by email for me to sign


pls your full name and address is important for the oath of the power of attorney and change of ownership after this document are prepared without you the trunkbox can not be claim



pls you have to send the money today i want to make sure that will arrange for the transfer next week , and leave africa before the end of the mounth , pls i beg you in the name of the lord almight


are you in america or london ? because which country code i will use to call the number you gave me ? so my code name is master bating ?
i think you should try to call me i really want to speak to mr t on phone my number again 00233-24-863991

we have to act fast to finish in time , call me after you have send the money


may GOD bless you as you are giving us a fatherly guidaince

best regards
david akamba

He wants me to buy him a house now?
Whatever.

David my brother.
I've tried that number, but I can't get a good line - I guess the phones in your country are pretty unreliable.

The telephone number that you can ask for Elizabeth on is 0171 839 1377 and it's in England, so the number is +44 171 839 1377. Remember, say 'I am Master Bating, and I need to speak to Elizabeth right now!'.

I have had the $500 dollars sent to the person you asked. The 10-digit code is 7638793941. The security question is 'Who is the toughest in the world?' and the answer is, of course, 'Mr. T!'. The sender name is Chandler Bing.
I hope you can get your mothers necklace back, and that you don't get not scamming foo' lawyer this time!

The address you can put on that form is:

1337 High Street,
London.
W1 4DJ
England

My full legal name is 'Mister T'.

Good luck David!

hee hee!

Isn't 0171 now 0207 ?

Butts!

David my brother,

The number you have to dial has changed!

171 has been changed to 207, so the number is +44 207 839 1377!

Sorry about the confusion,
Your Friend,
Mr T.

Man that was years ago - the 0171 > 0207 changeover.

Argh! So the number is still wrong?

::Cries::

*(£^%*&*%$%^(

HE RANG THE NUMBER AND ASKED FOR ELIZABETH!
::dies laughing::
Stupid, stupid man!
AND he called me 'Master T.' - respect due and recieved =]
Anyway, it's over.
Thank God.


dear mr tee

pls do ask mr chandler bing if he sent it i could not collect the money , the control number is not in there system in ghana.

why i was disappointed by the embracement pls reply and let me know why? i beg you if your are not intrested let me know and look for somebody else why .?

pls send the real number

best regards
david akamba
233-24-863991

dear mr tee or what ever.

i can understand you out all the number are all wrong and busy line
i called and ask as you told me but there was a lady who pick the phone and call me a sick man on 442078391377. i said exactly what you ask why she call me a sick man?

pls i hope that you no life can turn apart tommorrow after trick us and a mr vida agyeman to western union with wrong control number and text question, let me promise you a shall look for somebody else.

mr strass desmond told me that you are lie i never listen and i tell him back off for your seek out the end you let me down .

i pray that almight GOD should for give you and not let your be trick by orders as you did to me and my mother

that is why you claim to call and it was not going through .

ok i promise you that when we finally get someone reliable and claim our money i will send you an email ,so you can see that we must leave the refugee camp one day a far the fund is still with the security company.

i put all my trusting you i dont believe that you was just fooling me, are you real mr t ?

best regards
david akamba

dear mr tee.

pls i apologies if i i annoyed by my last email that was because i am tired of bearing hardship for the first time in my life .

i can believe are today go for me if i say it was a bad day and i was cold by the shock and the way such a rev sister like mrs vida agyeman was annoyed for the embracement i gave her , please my mother is still crying over the shock.


pls just that i can believe that you are not mr tee for the sake of the passport , please i beg mr t re send the money i am tired of africa and ghana staying the refugee i think i will survive two mounths more

pls for give like a child and send the money pls , i am on shame .

i am not one of the useless refugee pls forgive make my mother be happy she is old pls do help us i beg you master t

Final reply ever.
David,
Of course I am not Mr T.
OF COURSE I AM NOT MR T!
How stupid are you?
We both know that there is no money, and there never was.
We both know, 'David', that you were trying to scam me out of $500, and that was probably just the beginning.
Please, give it up, go out, and get a real job, earn some honest money.
Maybe you'd like to visit the website www.scamorama.com - I'm going to send these emails to them so that they can post them on their website, so other people can believe how stupid you are.
How can you be dumb enough to believe that I was Mr T?
I've been posting these messages onto an online forum, and we've all been laughing at your stupidity.
Give it up, man. You're not clever enough to pull these scams off.
I'd imagine that your mother really would be crying if she knew what you did.
I'm blocking your email address now, so this will be the last we will hear from each other.
Just one more time to clarify, you, 'David Akamba' (although we both know that that isn't your real name) are an idiot.

See you, and cheers for all the laughs,
Matt.

Enjoyable reading from beginning to end, thank you Grim & Chandler for your creativity, I'm going to print this out now and show all my friends.

Thank you!!

Hang on, there is a much better printable version here.

cool, thanks!

Grim... could you get Cal to put the images up in the iamcal pics bit and link to that rather than just links to my webspace. cheers.

if not then don't worry.

Fuck yeah, lovin that, only just caought up since I posted the one I got!!!

I'll put them on my webspace, Chay.

Okay, got them, delete away.

thanks Grim... :)

GRIM... WINS!

hello matt.

the game is over you won tell me my mistake and lets work as a team are old are you i am tony kakas a ghanain by nationality and 26 yrs old fruadstar , give me contact of rich business men and will tell you are we can take money for both of us to share are you ready?

pls write me on my box and you have my number , dont you want to have all it takes to be part of the african magic.

matt i need you

bye
tony kakas
233-24-863991

Right, let's make up some bullshit to tell him.
Suggestions?

Are you sure this guy is serious?

He is creepy. African Magic?

ask him how much £ hes made..

There was one that a reporter went over to see in spain. He was told that he had won part of the spanish lottery about £270k, first dubious bit was that it was in peseatas (spelling probably, but it is me!). The reporter went over to spain with his hidden camera playing along with it and went into this office block (fake) where this black guy took him into his office. Blah blah blah, chatting away, tells him about th £2500 retrieval fee, blah blah blah again, the black guy goes out of the office to get something so the reporter looks at the files on his desk. There were records of 5 people who had paid money that week. The guy was clearing about £18k a month!!!

jeepers! Thats a lot of money for doing f*ck all.

these ppl are terrible!

"kakas"! LOL!

"Tony Poo" :)

what a turnaround, but is tony kakas his real name?

US citizens lose move than $100m (£63.4m) a year to Nigerian fraud.

jlittle: just think of it as wealth destribution.

I think this gets the award of "Funniest Thread Ever".

I'm assuming you missed the mighty "One-Can" thread then ;)

Only joking, Grimothy :)

lol!

No, hell no, that was the funniest IamCal tread ever!

www.iamcal.com/topic_2579

Some of the pictures have gone now, though =[

:D

I blame Chay for taking the pictures away...

Yeah Chay you big bitch :(

(I just read through the One-Can threads via the search facility. We were so much funnier back then. Oh well)

www.iamcal.com/topic_2909

I liked this thread just because of Beargod's quest to discover what "teabagging" was. Aah, nostalgia. (Just ignore the Grim baiting, of course)

"We were so much funnier back then"

I'm always funny.
Your humour however ap... sometimes its Biting Observational Satire (TM)
Sometimes it just Bites. (as I believe the Americans say)

;)

:Sighs: =[

"I'm always funny."

On that evidence, 'funny-weird' not 'funny-haha' ;p

;)

"Biting Observational Satire"

:D

Biting Observational Satire (TM)

Don't forget the (TM)

what does tea-bagging mean? :D

I was not expecting this too go so far to be honest. You should tell him to find a less obvious way then e-mails or make sure he is sending it to an american people, sorry but my experiance of last week, listening to all the people to buy time shares, the majority were americans, nothing against the americans who frequent this site though

Um, Beargod?
We, you know, weren't going to give him good advice...

oh crap, tell him to send it to nemo then

There's heaps of them at...
www.whatsthebloodypoint.com...
The one with "Barrister Abuoma Sadiq a solicitor at law" is particularly funny as he even fell for it and called a number in London and left a message which this guy has turned in to a WAV.

If enough people can con these people in to humiliating themselves on the web then we might eventually be rid of them...

I got one from MR.GABSON JOHNSON today. I thought I'd mail him and tell him that we all know about his scam at my organisation, so he needen't bother mailing to anyone here. But it looks like too many people are telling him to fuck off because I got the following reply.

"Hi. This is the qmail-send program at mail5.kon-x.com.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out."

Yes, I find it strange that people send spam anymore. If they don't fake the headers, they'll get their account closed. And if they do fake their headers there is no way that anybody who wanted to take up their special offer to launder money or get a penis five inches longer can do.

Which brings the question - what is the point?

They make quite a bit of money =/

How? Half of them you can't respond to because the headers are all faked!

I am not sure there are lots of people who would want to get money to get out of africa and as this has worked once....imho that's still damn funny. Mr.T ace :-)

akamba

just a post to make sure I can find this thread again in future

carry on

hehehe. Nice choice of obscure word, Miki!

;)

This thread should (imho) be on a list of top 20 (or so) all time great iamcal threads. Maybe somewhere in the faq...

Just a thought. You could put the rest up for voting, Cal...

:D thanks

In case you're not joking, it's David Akamba, but apparently the search doesn't pick up on it when it's quoted

It was more that the only way you are going to find this thread again is to memorise the guy's name, rather than putting "con letter", or "nigerian scamster".

So I've put them in so they will work as well!

Yay!