iamcal.com Since May 2000

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• Hello!

We did this a while back, but there are a lot of new faces around so we can do it again. Reply and tell the world who you are, whether you're a boy or a girl, how old you are (roughly if you don't want to say), what you do for a living and general stuff. also, you've got to include a story from your life. absolutely anything. so what are you waiting for?

Name: Cal Henderson (boy)
Age: 21
What I do: Programmer (read more here)
A story about my life:

Last night me and chris and some other people we know went out for someone's birthday. Now me and chris like counting rabbits. No particular reason, it's just a 'hop'bby (i'm sorry - bad, i know). Now the other night on the Oakley to Milton Earnest to Sharnbrook to Riseley to Keysoe journey we saw 56 rabbits. Pretty good i think you'll agree. Last night, we had a massive drive around the villages at 3am taking people home. Our rough journey was Milton Keynes to Emberton to Olney to Lavendon to Harrold to Little Odell to Odell to Sharnbrook to Milton Earnest to Oakley to Bromham to Kempston West End to Kempston to Bedford to Brickhill to Ravensden to Wilden to Bolnhurst to Keysoe. Guess how many rabbits were counted on this monumental trip? A mere 52. Hardly great considering we did better on a route a fraction of the size. The bunnies are wising up to us. They're getting clever. A bunny revolt is just around the corner.

Name: Dan Sullivan (boy)
Age: 19
What I do: IT Support
Enjoy: Drinking, origami (its not as sad as it sounds) and social interaction.
Don't Enjoy: Feeling tired, hungover, bored or hungry.
Story:

A couple of weeks back after going out on the piss straight from work I offered someone a drunken piggy back on the way back to the tube station. He jumped on and immediatley started shouting "you're gonna fall! you're gonna fall!". I think he's pscychic becasue I did fall, quite hard infact and I really killed my leg. I limped all the way to my train and fell asleep, bad thing to do when drunk. I woke up while the train was still moving and as we pulled into my station I looked out of the window and thought, "nah! this aint Swanscombe, its too clean!" and stayed on the train. It was Swanscombe and was also the last train going anywhere. So I had to walk 2-3 miles, bad leg and all, back home. Got in at about 3, got up again at about 6 for work. With a reeeeallly sore leg!

I dont have any stories where I come out the winner actually, thats quite depresing.

Name: Sally Young (girlie)
Age: 15
What I do: lazy student in final gcse year
Enjoy: rowing (sculling), taking the piss out of people
Don't Enjoy: work
Story:
When I was about 2 and having one of those appitude tests, the lady said: "Now Sally, stand on one foot."
So I stood on her foot.
and they all went quiet and then laughed at me :(

Name: Luke Whitworth (boy)
Age: 20
What I do: PC Technician
Enjoy: Movies and music
Don't Enjoy: Pubs of the annoying and packed kind

Story: In April I was in a serious bad mood due to a number of things. Me and some friends were at a fair ground and they had one of those test your strength punch balls. So being generally pissed off I put all my rage and annoyance into the punch that I threw at the machine. My hand hurt but I generally didn't care and so I stayed with my friends for the rest of the day, drove to the pub, drove home. The next morning I woke up and my hand was badly swelled and so I spent 4 hours of Bank Holiday Monday sitting in a+e with what turned out to be a broken hand. What was really annoying was that I am sure the doctor thought I had been fighting and was quite rude to me!

name: biddy wopsle (ok, not really. but do you know where it's from?)
age: sixteen..ish :D
needless to say, i am a student
likes: coldplay, radiohead, charles dickens, rodents, caffeine, "pi", etc.etc.
dislikes: small talk!!
don't have any good stories, but i guess i can complain a lot instead.. a couple of days ago i was making pancakes, and, since i'm really bad in the kitchen, i burned my hand with hot oil. so now the *wounds* have started blistering and peeling and hurting and looking really disgusting. and i have to go wash dishes :(

Name: Henry Exon (man)
Age: 20
What I do: Design student*
Enjoy: Kayaking, climbing and trying to find the line between drunk and too much (its somewhere inbetween standing and falling over)
Don't Enjoy: crowds of stupid people (the general public in any city centre! or anywhere else for that matter)

Story:
I have a broken hand story too: drank too much, lost glasses, broke phone, got angry, punched wall, sign and tree... unabridged version here.

*for 'Design student' read 'less than as little as possible'

Name: Suzie (figure it out for yourself)
Age: 24
Occupation: chronic failure/whiner

Enjoy: sex
Dislike: bad sex

Story: so I'm incredibly interesting in a dismal kind of way, have posted naked pics on iamcal before, and basically, uh. :)

Name: Desoto Montobon (not really...)
Gender: Male
Age: 25
Occupation: Network Administrator

Likes: Coffee, football, cooking, Music:(Right now Badly Drawn Boy & Radiohead)
Turn-offs: pollution, cell phones (a necessary evil?)

Story: When I was 8, I was riding on my bike to the cornor store to buy (and I remember this part vividly), a bag of dill-pickle chips. I hit a rough patch on the street and started to lose control of the bike. When my front wheel touched the curb, my bike suddenly stopped...

But I kept going. I flew over the handle bars and actually hit the ground running. I started falling over but tried to regain my balance. Unfortunately for me, with my shoulders lowered, I ran head first into a fire hydrant and blacked out.

When I woke up, my face was covered with blood from a gash on my forehead. But here's the kicker, I was laying in someone's front yard. I was in shock and couldn't really move. It's about now that I realize that there's a woman, not 15-20 feet away from me with her back turned, weeding her front garden. I'm sure she wasn't there when I had the accident... So either she ignored an 8 year old child flying onto her front lawn at high speeds and smashing their head open. Or she came out to her garden after the accident and didn't notice me, passed out and bleeding...

To make a long story short, she turned around and saw me trying to sit up. She screamed and ran inside her house... Thinking that I'd been abandoned, I was just about to start looking for where my bike had ended up, when the woman returned with ice and a towel. I told her my home phone number and she called my parents to come collect myself and my bike.

I recieved 18 stitches above my right eye... But I never did get those dill pickle chips.

Name: Chris
Age: 19 ish
Job: Musturd Inspector
Enjoy: Making the normal seem rediculous
Dislike: prozac

Indeed a habit of mine and Cals is counting bunnies....it's for my book, and a study on bunnies per mile in the north bedfordshire area. Cal likes bunnies more then me, I think he should run them over but he wont... i even offer to clean the car, but i think his frame of mind is if he doesn't clean it, no one does (Cal recently got a cloth, just to clean the dirt off his back lights... you cant read his rear numberplate.)

I am looking for funding so that i can make a video of chasing bunnies in the dark... i think i've seen the Tom Green show one too many times.

November Eclectica... (Desirae)
Age 27
Female
Job: Research Assoicate

Likes: Reading ... writing poetry/letters .... lisetning to all kinds of music ... to many to name ... so don't ask. Love kissing, cuddling and sex ....and a good arguement.

Hate: Telephones

A Sad Story: Just got back from South Carolina .... My uncle is fighting for his life in ICU ... because some drunk driver hit him head first on the way to work.

Want to move back to South Carolina ... but would have to live behind to much.

Everyone has a story to tell. Everyone in the world.

Hope your uncle get's better soon :(

Name: Jennifer Courson (150% girl, not like I act like one, LOL?)
Age:18
Job: I write graphic programs for my school and I am working on a research project on how to interface two particular pieces of machinery.
Likes: My boyfriend (Jeremy Lee Moles), biking, photography, cuddling, sex, music, sweet kisses, driving and thinking, thinking, more thinking, deep thought is your friend.
Hates: Leaving Jeremy, my roomate, my roomates boyfriend, my roomates boyfriend when he eats my food, masticators. ( know what it is? 10 points for you.)

Story of my life: I was born, mom left, dad left, grandparents loved me and raised me, gave me $$$, mom came back, tried to finish raising me, failed horribly, was hurt by step father, bad luck with boys, went back home after 6 months, life stabalized, went to school, drank like a fish, had bad luck with boys again, i quit drinking and dating frat boys, no boys, then Jeremy Lee Moles came along and is the best thing since fried rice. He was the best things since sliced bread but last week he was upgraded.

What's so great about Jeremy? I talk to him alot but don't really know him at all. You should get him to tell us about himself.

Thank you Cal. I got a call this morning and he has been responding very well.

masticators - god damn chewers... i agree completely Jenn :)

Actually, I just thought of an actual story and want to add it!

There was this staff party after work in a nightclub I used to work in, and we were all hammered, it was one of those party's where all night there is someone riding a bike around the restaurant and you don't know why. Anyway, it was great and everything was fine until we went to go.

I was asked to turn the lighting packs off, so being the enthusiastic 16 year old that I was i ran up the stairs and did it. Running back I promptly went straight over the handrail and through a table dislocating my shoulder. However - i was blind drunk and didn't feel it, so someone just popped it back in and we all left.

Out in the street a policecar was coming up the road, this is now 11am - so myself and my friend decided to moon them. This was hysterically funny till they pulled over and got out, so we both started running. Just to make things better I then ran straight into a lampost and my friend ran into me on the floor, so we are both left lying there on the floor, trying to focus on everything, with two policemen standing over us and our trousers round our ankles.

The policemen promptly laughed for about 5 minutes, then left us to it...

biddy - the name's from Great Expectations, right?

name: Brandon Banks(100% testosterone powered man)
Age: 18
Job: student at the University of Oklahoma
Like: T.V., computers
Dislike: Dumb people telling me i'm stupid

Story: i have two noticeable scars on my head. One I got from running into a gate latch when some older kid opened after leaving the pool and i ran headfirst into it.
The Other i got by running into a brick grill that was located outside my house. i came in crying but i didn't get stitches for either of the injuries.
Another interesting thing that happened to me when I was growing up was we were lighting fire crackers for the 4th of july(independence day) And it wizzed around and went onto the ground i was afraid and running frantically during the ordeal i accidentally stepped on the fire cracker. Since i was bare foot It melted the skin and stuck to it. I ran as fast as i could to the pool put my foot in and it felt so releiving. I still have a small scar there, but it was very traumatic to an 8 year old child.

yay :) another person who's read it!
i don't know where *cal* is from though :D

ok, I've decided to finally make a contribution here.

Name: Lauren (I'm just a lazy typer - hehe)
Age: 20
What I do for a living: receptionist
What I want to do for a living: film production (haven't decided which particular area yet - too many great ones to choose from!)

My li'l story:
ok, I noticed that there's a pattern forming here with the stories - they all seem to involve drunkenness or injuries (or a combination of both), so I thought I'd add a bit of variety, and include one of those *dreaded* pet stories... (and if you can't stand these types of stories, well, you can't say you weren't warned!)
here we go - this story is about the family dog. She was supposed to be one of those pedigree ones, but she had these big googly eyes and a teeny head and a little pointy nose, so she was more of a rat-dog.
And even though she was kinda cute (in a weird, freakish way) she wasn't very bright - definitely one of those animals that kinda makes you want to kick it or hug it out of pity.
Despite the fact that she wasn't much bigger than a football, she had this remarkable ability to climb over fences that were 5 times her height.
During last year some time she got really REALLY good at it (cause I think she was feeling a bit randy, and wanted to go get it on with all the neighbour's boy-dogs), so she was always getting out of the yard.
Anyway, one night she'd disappeared again. We figured she'd come back eventually (always did), so we waited.
A few hours later, we heard this eerie howling noise down the street. So me and my dad rushed outside, just in time to see 'rat-dog' being chased down the street by about 3 or 4 cats!
And what was even funnier was that one cat was tackling her (kinda like how a lion grabs a deer and knocks it to the ground), and was clawing her butt, and getting dragged down the street behind her.

After about 20 minutes we managed to pull ourselves together and stop laughing at the pathetic creature going up and down the street, and went and rescued her from those big mean old cats.

That little dog's dead for months now (poor thing), but whenever I think of her being chased by those cats, it still makes me laugh.
=)

la: nice story

biddy: cal is (more or less) my real name

Name: Sewn into my shorts

Aged: Like fine scotch...or 26, whatever sounds more suave.

Gender: All mammal

What I do: Well it's a damn sight more than what I don't, but I suppose I still just make pretty things that sharper minds make into functional bits.

Story?

Picture it, Sicily, 1921...we're about to be overrun by German Socialist Fascist For Jesus, when Peabody arrives in the wayback machine.

I want that to be a joke...but I had been doing a lot of chemicals that evening. I woke up with a cigarette burn in the shape of a cigarette burn on my forearm, and the odd realization that I wasn't Italian.

Next?

Ok. The reason Jeremy is so wonderful. Cal you asked for this now you will get it. Jeremy and I have been together about 4.5 months and we are happily in love. He is sweet, kind, caring understanding, funny, loving, willing to talk about things, and he made me this great wallpaper for my comp and it was like the best present ever, but then I had to reformat my comp and it is lost in space. Plus, his mom likes me and his grandmother loves me. therefore making it easy to get behind enemy lines and steal his secrets for wolrd domination. It is a womans world and men just live in it, right? No, men just try to take it over. Am I really crazy and believing in conspiracy theories, no. Do I think men want to rule the world, yes their own. Do I just have a messed up sense of humor, OF COURSE. Nothing more nothing less. and Plus Jeremy likes my sense of humor. Ither you love it or hate it. no in betweens, which is fine and dandy with me. No big deal. anyway, he is just a wonderful person and I am controling his mind. Tee hee hee

thanks Cal =)


hey guess what everybody - my pants were made in vietnam!

....uh.... heheh - I'm just a little bored here at work. =P

la - are you uk or usa? because "pants" means something different either way.

PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! PANTS! hehehehe!!!!!!

uh, neither.
I'm waaaaay on the other side of the world actually (in Australia).

and by pants I meant "TROUSERS", not like knickers or undies or whatever you call them over there.

=)

uh, neither.
I'm waaaaay on the other side of the world actually (in Australia).

and by pants I meant "TROUSERS", not like knickers or undies or whatever you call them over there.

=)

oops... that really wasn't meant to happen - sorry!

Argh! Curses, we must educate the world in the correct useage of "pants"!

Maybe Cal should change the rating system to
Excellent (5)
Very Good (4)
Alright (3)
Poor (2)
Terrible (1)
Pants (0)
to get everyone started.

Name: Elliott Thomas yes-my-initials-are-ET Brady (male)
Nicknames: Ell / Rat / Spiderman
Age: 18
Currently: Attends as few Comp+Comm Engineering lectures as possible
Where: Birmingham, UK
Motto: It isn't enough just to succeed. Others must fail.
Interests: Skydiving, Computers, Climbing, Pedigree Bitter
Things he does, but probably shouldn't: Sing, be a barman, dance round the flat randomly(!)

Moments of fame: Kicking Sal + Cal at laserquest. Jumping out a plane at 3000 feet.

Moments of shame: Too much dodgy pizza + downing stella = projectile vomiting over several mates last year :'(

excuse my aussie ignorance, but pants is bad??

it sounds like we're both speaking english, but I think I'm missing something.....

Ell, you forgot elly-ot :p

Name: Jeremy
Age: 20
Location: Atlanta, GA
Job: Slacker
Likes: Girlfriend, Linux (especially Gnome, but this Mono crap has got to stop), PHP, C/C++, my small - but maturing - CMS, Templates and Exception Handling, Dave Matthews and System Of A Down.
Dislikes: vulnerable stack variables, Cal's PHP coding style (Hardeeharhar), rashes, Perl, Final Fantasy 10, UDP, the saying "I'm groggy as fool."

My life is pretty swank. Everything is good. Hey, Jennifer. Must go now.

Jeremy's job is most def. a slacker job. What does he do? he works and comes home with rashes and thinks that me being his g/f i am going to be disgusted and say ewww, when i would kiss it and make it feel better. and it isn't really a rash i believe i think it is just what happens when grease pops on his skin. yadda yadda yadda.

Okay, fine. I'm a cook.

Can I say "bollocks" here?

You know, the worlds brightest programmers work at places like Taco Bell and Burger King - or in my case, some goofy Deli-thing.

Cal, why doesn't Paul post here? Mr. Tweedy is the net's greatest wordsmith!

jeremy: there's nothing wrong woth my coding style!

la: as well as underware, pants means rubbish/bad

I think we should list words and the meanings ... cause we say pants here also. I think it is neat though because we are all learning things from each other.

What does bollocks mean? I have never heard that word before.

Here is something else I noticed you guys say Holiday and we say Vacation. :P

Vacation? Urgh, americanism! That means to leave somewhere/soemthing empty. Nasty

Bollocks is either a general "damn" type word, or is when someone is talking crap

It's literally a word for balls, basically..

Just ask me if ya want US-UK translations, I'm multilingual (in other words, I speak US english and UK english)

*giggle* I can't help that I am amercian. To make it worse I am a country girl ... so I have a southern accent.

Post a wav! What does Southern American sound like? :) I'm southern/Londoner Brit, living where everyone talks like this! :O

I sound like a bbc newsreader, except it's a bit renounced so I say random words that are "out of accent"

I think this should come to the top - we have loads new people, tell us about you all!!!!!

Name: Jennifer
Age: 21
Location: Kent/Yorkshire
Job: Student/Web developer analyst thing
Likes:Music, music, music, films, programming when I am in the mood, killing lots of bad guys in FPS's, drinking and smoking far too much to be considered healthy, Ctrl-A, Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V
Dislikes: people that put crap songs on jukeboxes, people who are bad drunks, possibly a great proportion of people in general,

my story
Me and my friends all went on holiday aged 17 and one mate decided to go off with some random guy she met without telling us. So me and my other mate decided to stay up all night finding her. That went out the window when we found several packets of pro plus, after which we ended up running up and down Paignton pier wacking each other with our jumper sleeves and after being approached by the police singing supergrass's "Caught by the fuzz".

Name: Chris Kirkman
Age: 26
Location: Manchester
Job: Unemployed telecomms engineer/radio type
Likes: Drinking, Smoking, Big girls, Mel brooks films (Early, not his recent shite), Counterstrike, U2, Books (All must read Catch-22)

Dislikes: Not having job, 95.99% of music played on radio 1, Eggs, Scottish women, AOL (shudder)

My short storys

I spent 10 years in the Army

I have lived in the jungle for 6 weeks

I have lived in the arctic circle for 2 months

I once beat up a big issue seller (He started it)

Name: Emma
Gender: maiden
Age: 23
Location: Leeds
Job: Till Tart

Likes: depeche mode, reading fantasy books (David Eddings and Robin Hood), being a saddo nerd, collecting afro ken stuff, making webpages (im pretty new to it all), pink things

Dislikes: Elvis impersonators (and elvis), Tories, Atomic Kitten, chick lit, my evil boss debra, running out of prozac

Story: honestly I don't have a story at all. I'm so very boring and my life is uneventful.

name: adam (male)
born: march 1982
lives: in sydney, australia
works: in the IT department of an insurance company
studies: IT at university
enjoys: good friends, good food, bike riding, snowboarding and stuff. especially stuff, stuff is grrreat.
disenjoys: people who decide that it's an amusible thing to just create their own wordologies.

I:
- live in a caravan
- have double jointed thumbs
- cook up a decent sang choy bow
- have a fantastic girlfriend
- own a chunky maglite
- don't own a computer
- have three brothers
- can set up a wicked personal theatre system

name: Simon
age: 24
location: Warwick
job: Web Developer
likes: Snow, Snowboards, Snowbunnies(dont count them though).
dislikes: Mellon, The Internet.

story: when I was at school I shot a kid in the head with an air pistol. The kid was a dick, but it was an accident.

Name - Matt Squirrell
Sex - Male
Age - 23
Location - Bedford, UK
Job - Assistant Director of Software Testing
Other Job - DJ
Other Other Job - Car Stereo Installation Guy
Likes - Stripe + Lime, Music, Women, Concerts, Night Clubs, My Girlie, Counter Strike, War Craft III, ASP and my 'other' jobs.
Dislikes - My 'job' job, women that are too thin, that 'Britains Sexiest' song, that damn RHCP song that goes 'Standing around to see the show tonight' that is never off radio one, the fact that because of the new radio station garage is now called 'Black' music, Lager without lime in, expensive wine.

Story - Well, my girlfriend, bless her heart, has Cystic Fybrosis. This means (laymans terms) that she gets fluid on her lungs, and coughs a lot.
Last year she got really bad and was coughing up a lot of mank (eww). I borrowed her car to pick up some disco equipment and was a touch hung over, so I brought some Lucozade and jammed it in my door pocket. My girlfriend also likes Lucozade, and had had some a few days previously. She had used the empty bottle to store the, ahem, grey manky phlegm that she coughed up.
Now, you know what coming, don't you?
Stopped in traffic, picked up the wrong bottle, didn't look, gulp gulp gulp (realization) boom - head out of window, and you can guess the rest.
It wasn't very nice =]

name: Jessica Love
sex: female
age: 21
location: harpenden
occupation: student/loafer/entertainer of cal during the day/sending out job applications and never being able to stand a job for more than 4 months (2days is my new record)
likes: boys, big trousers, Johnny Depp, videos, oil paints, boys, cameras, incubus, photos of people (especially boys), plastic jewellery, making videos, scanners, driving, radiohead, malibu, books and making things look pretty.. among other things :)
dislikes: huge phone bills, plegm stories (still gagging..), people who tell me i'm too thin, tapered trousers, townies, speed humps and the fact that sleeves and trouser legs are always too short. grr.

story- when i was about 7, a girl in my class pushed me off the climbing frame, i landed on my head but appeared to be fine, just a little annoyed. so by way of revenge, i tripped her in the playground. she fell badly. the dinner lady made her get up and consequently tripled the amount of damage i'd done. Next week the girl came back to school in a wheelchair with her leg totally in plaster. whoops.
Also, a few years later a boy i barely knew tried to kick me off my bmx, i was scared so i carried on cycling, but i wasnt moving. then i heard a crunch and he screamed. As he removed his foot from my spokes i cycled off and didnt look back.
Karma will get me one of these days...

Name: James Little

Age: 20

What I do: Web Developer/Usability Expert
Enjoy: Women, Fast cars, Sul's jokes and Cal's site

Don't Enjoy: Being moaned or nagged at and working

Story:

Last friday, our work site had a remote control speed boat championships on the lake at the office. There were around 80 teams of 4 in total, coming from 8 different companies. Our original team had problems with illness and general lazyness, so we sorted out new players on the two seperate days. Anyhow, we won by miles overlapping everyone even though we got a 3 second penalty. The Prize was a Red Letter day experience voucer (£50 each)

anyone else yet to contribute?

Oh, okay then, bur I'm not going to give too much away...

Name: Uncle Moc (hence the name.) Do not actually have any nephews or nieces to be an uncle to, just parents with a bad sense of humour.

Age: Twenty one, and two months.

What I do: Not a great deal. Am a student. However, am currently trying to earn money after spending summer killing time. Have very dull job. Touch type. This makes the job more tolerable.

Location: The Home Counties.

Likes: fish (not dead ones), tea, gossip, camping, whiskey, early 90's grunge rock, English Lit, my cru, photography, drum excellent mild shag, woodcraft folk, archiving, shirts, gigs, owls, ducks, brighton, the sea, philosophy, the park, St. Albans, politics, Neighbours

Dislikes: computers, work, cars, meat, smug, Richard Littlejohn, agressive people, status symbols, gadgets, money, tories, .. can't think of anything else

A story.

I'm going to resist the compulsion to tell an injury story here. I get bad easily bored, and I've got a very short span of attention. I spend far too much time lying to people. I'd like to think this isn't a malicious act, merely a cross between gossip and sarcasm, with a bit of boredom thrown in. It's not lies to get stuff out of them, or to make myself look good, simply whenever it's convenient, or more often, amusing. Paul once had this chick after him called Mariam. She seemed to never leave the town centre. You'd see her at 9 am on a Saturday morning in Macdonalds with some kids, and then you'd see her at 1 in the morning on a sunday night hugging an old man in a neck brace. We don't see her much any more. Once me and Alice stole a newspaper billboard that said "Brighton Thieves Rob Santa" and were chased across quite a large part of Brighton. Damn those Brighton thieves, they spoiled Christmas. Arthur was once talking to this official looking guy and said "We're having a joint campfire this evening". Except he got distracted half way through and just said "We're having a joint." He wasn't helped by the fact that he was cupping a joint in his hand at the time. I never really badly injured myself in my youth. I don't ever want to get a job in computers. I just want to waste time like this and get paid for it.

When I was about 12 or 13, i used to hang out with a couple of totally mental kids and we created a 60000 word document called "The Word List" and we used to get into trouble for throwing apples at cars.

Post the 'The Word List', not if its 'The Word' list though.

you want me to post 60000 words plus on this?

I would like to see a list of words that big, but posting it is prolly a bad idea. I guess a web page may be a better method.

How big is the word doc?

Uncle Moc - Am I right in thinking that absolutly none of the above is true?

Well, that's the beauty of being a self confessed compulsive liar. No-one knows if they can believe anything you say, ever. That way, you don't even need to lie any more, and still create the same misinformation..

Ah, but if you are a self confessed compulsive liar, and you tell us that you are, does that mean you were lying about the lying, which would mean you always tell the truth? But if you always tell the truth and you tell us you are a compulsive liar, then etc, etc...

Yeah, but being a compulsive liar is different to being someone who lies all the time...

Anyway, here's an old copy of the Word List. Excuse the "My First Website" appearance. Oh dear..

list

that's a very odd thing

Well, it's the same old story.. I was young, misled, I needed the money.. next thing I knew, I'd created a massive list of words and didn't know what to do with it...

Yep, its the oldest story in the book all right!

P.S. i can believe everything apart from the fact that your drivers licence says Uncle Moc.

what's your real name mr moc?

The Word List site says this:
"DISCLAIMER: All characters mentioned in the word list bear no similarity to any existing persons, living or dead or undead, and any relation there is purely coincidental. WE ARE SERIOUS."

Um - hello? The phrase 'Roy Walker, Catchphrase, urrrriiing, right, it's good but it's not the one'.

Um, coincidence?

Word List ¸ Chris Parkinson 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1912, 1066, 1998 All rights reserved ?

Uncle Moc == Chris Parkinson ?

Uncle Moc == Chris Parkinson == Michael Parkinson?

oooh, i hope so

Nah, can't drive..

I am really upset that I am being lied to, especially by Michael Parkinson, he looks like a nice honest old man. Rocked are the foundations of my world.

The list is quite green is'nt it?

list? green? huh?

if you're upset that you're being lied to, wait till he shows up at your pub and sets an entire table on fire... and then gets shouted at by a small nurse who then chases him around the car park telling him to put out his burning newspaper falice before he runs toward the concrete square giggling like a maniac.
The only ones who know uncle moc are the eternal siblinghood of the eternal log...

All true. Apart from that it's "phallus". That student nurse was quite strange. She was called something like Pinchy and she claimed my "all purpose tool" was a "dangerous weapon".

Anyway, I've calmed down a lot since those days. I'm not sure if that's a positive thing though..

i meant phallus.. i'm just writing in a phonetic way today because i'm tired and stressed about my imminent return to leicester. and why is it that people always pick me up on my spelling mistakes, but never anyone else? maybe its because they assume i'm clever? lets hope so

Ive already established myself on iamcal as a useless speller. Therefore I'm a bit of a lost cause to correct.

I dont know about everyone else.

I like the word list, although it does burn my eyes.

i can'r spell at all

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa

wrong thread chris

It's not meant to be a harsh thing. I just had to think for a while about what a falice was. I had an image of a chalice for a short while.

I thought it was an olympic torch type thing

i thought it might be like a falacy

whatever it was, he damn well burned it... dammit. he burned it he burned it.

Bio: Boy of few words.

Did you know your name is an anagram of Gay pursons?

i liked the word list until i got to the county code of luton...... then the nightmares came flooding back........