Discussion » iamcal Fight Club

This is a read-only copy. The forum ran on iamcal.com from 2000 until its database was lost in 2016, and this topic was rebuilt from copies saved by the Internet Archive's Wayback Machine. Some replies may be missing, and its dates are approximate.
Posted by sal, 23:26, 11th February 2002:
 
Welcome one and all to the iamcal fight club. Here's the draw:

cal vs Ell
Chris vs jlittle
Sul vs Sal
Suzie vs Novemember

the object of this game: come up with the most violent and evil tortures to kill your opponent, other members vote on who they think wins, winners through to the next round to eventually find the iamcal fight club champion.

good luck!
*kicks Sul in the nads for good measure*
Posted by chris, 23:28, 11th February 2002:
 
Ok James, bring it on, come on, step up!!!!
Posted by ell, 23:32, 11th February 2002:
 
Cal, I challenge you to a laserquest duel! >=D ::fond memories::

*prepares plastic bin liner*
Posted by Suzie, 23:53, 11th February 2002:
 
No fair, I don't really know November, so how can I be mean to her?
Posted by Sul, 08:09, 12th February 2002:
 
*drops to the floor and cries like barrymore*
Posted by cal, 08:32, 12th February 2002:
 
i's easy to be mean.

ell, you smell.
Posted by sal, 16:53, 12th February 2002:
 
Ell, that was so my idea you thieving...! :P


well that didn't take much to defeat Sul *raises arms in triumph* :D
Posted by November Eclectica, 17:40, 12th February 2002:
 
I know it is kind of hard to be mean to someone you don't know. I guess you and I could gang up on one of the guys ... now that would be fun. :P
Posted by chris, 18:40, 12th February 2002:
 
James you poncey bitch arsed slag where are you???
Posted by chris, 23:09, 12th February 2002:
 
Jesus, can't you even call a guy out anymore? There goes the neighborhood...
Posted by Suzie, 00:40, 13th February 2002:
 
heh, Cal always deserves to be ganged up on..
Posted by ell, 05:08, 13th February 2002:
 
Yeah, all bundle Cal! (so I win my fight- hahaha!) >:P
Posted by November Eclectica, 13:25, 13th February 2002:
 
Well ... lets email so we can plan our attack Suzie. That way they won't know what hit them. *wink*
Posted by Suzie, 15:36, 13th February 2002:
 
lol.. suzie@kulsu.com
Posted by Jenn, 17:35, 13th February 2002:
 
why was I not invited to be in the Iamcal fight club?
Posted by chris, 21:14, 13th February 2002:
 
maybe you should take pussy boy james' place... he doesn't seem to want to fight me (he's heard i cry like a girl)
Posted by la, 00:33, 14th February 2002:
 
any Simpson's fans out there?

"I challenge you to a DUEL!" *slap*


heheheh
Posted by la, 01:48, 14th February 2002:
 
"Glove-slap! Baby glove slap! I don't take no crap! Baby Glove-slap!"
Posted by Jenn, 06:07, 14th February 2002:
 
I could take you chris. You aren't shit in my head. I might be a girl, but I can still kick YOUR ass.
Posted by chris, 18:41, 14th February 2002:
 
I don't care if you are a girl, boy or she beast... bring it on ;)
Posted by Jenn, 22:09, 14th February 2002:
 
*slips of hitler boots and rolls up sleeves* walks over to chris and punches him in the nose* ducks* punches him in the balls* upper cuts him*

BLOOD!!! ICK!!!
Posted by chris, 23:04, 14th February 2002:
 
*keeping to the name theme* trips her downs and lies over her bleeding screaming "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'VE BEEEEEN!!!!!!!!!" stamps on her kneecaps for good measure, then pulls her up by her nipples..."come on - fiiiiggghhhht!!!!!"
Posted by la, 23:49, 14th February 2002:
 
well, since I haven't been paired up with anyone, I'll be the "crowd of curious bystanders".

oooohhh!
*gasp*
Aahhh!
Posted by cal, 09:24, 15th February 2002:
 
I'm ignoring ell. The chris/jenn fight is much better
Posted by jlittle, 10:52, 15th February 2002:
 
Chris. Time to die.

First, I shit in a mug, add water, and shoove it down your throat (the whole cup), then i'll get a big, fuck off, rusty nail, and shoove it in your heart. Next, I'll get loads of honey, put it all over your face, and let in hundreds of bees. But that's not all! Next, I'll cover you in red paint and let in a bull to chase after you!

More to come :D
Posted by chris, 19:01, 15th February 2002:
 
James - you lost your chance bud - i found some one who was ready to fight - much more man then you... didn't i jenn *pushes her down again and puts point of ankle on her throat...*
Posted by sal, 22:54, 15th February 2002:
 
I'm impressed, I never knew you could all be so violent :D

just remember Sul, I may be short and your fists are right in-line with my face...but that means my teeth are right in-line to your testicles >:)
Posted by chris, 13:16, 16th February 2002:
 
*increases pressure....* damn it can no one fight back here???
Posted by Jenn, 17:03, 16th February 2002:
 
i am pissed now. *kicks chris in the head with the other leg* wobbles up* the adrenaline is flowing* grabs chris by the head and rams it into my knee* you don't know where I HAVE BEEN* bitch take this* kicks chris in the side repeatedly* dammit why won't you stop bleeding? How much of a pansy are you* grabs chris by the testicles and pulls him to his feet. If you can pull my nipples I am tempted to twist your testicles off.
Posted by Jenn, 17:05, 16th February 2002:
 
okay. if we are going my the real rules of fight club you cannot bring outside objects into this. Have you honor for the real deal? nails, honey, knives? get reall.
Posted by chris, 17:14, 16th February 2002:
 
zzzz *wakes up* huh, oh - you want to fight back now???

the rules are clearly stated at the top, this is not the comercial film hype...

Jeremey? where has she been ;)
Posted by Sul, 20:28, 16th February 2002:
 
*still hiding from sal*
Posted by sal, 23:12, 16th February 2002:
 
*kick* and stay there
Posted by chris, 23:21, 16th February 2002:
 
is this the best you two can do - come on!!!!
Posted by chris, 23:21, 16th February 2002:
 
*makes jen stick out her tongue and starts cleaning his shoes...*
Posted by chris, 23:37, 16th February 2002:
 
*bends jenn over and parks his bike*....Yawwwn can no one here fight?
Posted by Jenn, 05:43, 18th February 2002:
 
ok then. *starts to fight like a girl. fuck this shit. shows fingernails and gouges chris' cheeks. rips a chunk of his hair out and throws it in his puddle of blood.*
Posted by la, 21:49, 18th February 2002:
 
AAAHHH!!
You guys are so gross - I can't take it anymore!!


(damn my vivid imagination - I can actually see all this in my head!!!)
Posted by ell, 03:25, 19th February 2002:
 
Agreed Cal, this is much more entertaining.

*waves huge foam "Jenn is #1" hand* :D

Sorry Chris, but I side with the "Hell hath no fury" saying.
Posted by la, 03:39, 19th February 2002:
 
yeah, entertaining is one way to describe it...

*barfs violently into crowd*
Posted by Jenn, 05:09, 19th February 2002:
 
i win? I WIN! *dozes off to sleep* damn narcolepsy!!!
Posted by cal, 07:41, 19th February 2002:
 
chris wont stand foir that!
Posted by reitsma, 05:39, 20th February 2002:
 
*beats chest*
come on LA, i know you're out there!
Posted by la, 06:02, 20th February 2002:
 
*sneaks up behind reitsma and kicks him in the spine*

looking for me were you???

*jumps up and down on his crumpled body lying in the dirt - reitsma's head slams down, blood splatters on the ground*

heheheh
>:)
Posted by Jenn, 17:00, 20th February 2002:
 
can i help you double team him? i like to fight!
Posted by chris, 19:45, 20th February 2002:
 
sorry, i got bored, i didn't think jen was coming back - she got me when i was sleeping, but she hasnt won yet - thats one persons vote
Posted by la, 23:04, 20th February 2002:
 
sure you can jenn - although it looks like your opponent is back!
Posted by reitsma, 03:37, 21st February 2002:
 
adam slowly gets up to his knees, touches the blood, and brings it to his mouth.
he turns, and smiles a blood stained smile that could chill any spine, and gets to his feet.
"hmm... what style to use?" he thinks to himself. "judo? tae kwon do? karate? kickboxing? ah.... yes, i know!"
adam pulls out his ears with his hands, sticks out his tongue, and makes a few silly noises.
"poo poo head! nyah nyah nya!"
he runs over, reaches behind la, and pulls up a pair of undies, creating the dreaded 'atomic wedgie'.
"HA!"
Posted by Jenn, 04:28, 21st February 2002:
 
bitch, its going down. won't you just die. *pushes you down and kicks your head like it is a football* pulls out my gun* bite the curb bitch or you are really going to piss me off* places army boot on the back of chris' head and lifts and kicks as hard as possible* if you live through that then we have some issues to deal with.
Posted by la, 04:59, 21st February 2002:
 
AAAHHHHH!!

*grabs the edge of her undies and magnificently rips them off all in one piece*

TADAAA!
=)

*runs up to reitsma, knees him in the gut*
*reitsma doubles over, winded, la puts him in a headlock and scratches at his eyes*

Stop squealing you big baby!!
Posted by Jenn, 16:48, 21st February 2002:
 
can't you take it bitch? bring it on. get up and fight like the pansy that you are.
Posted by la, 01:25, 22nd February 2002:
 
reitsma screams in agony

*la stomps on his balls and grinds them into the dirt with her stilleto heel*

reitsma screams again.
Posted by reitsma, 03:15, 22nd February 2002:
 
reitsma gets up, and kicks la in the balls....
hmm... looks like a need a new strategy.
he lifts up la with his remaining strength, spins her round over his head, and then drops her, face-first, onto the mat (which somehow just appeared).
all of a sudden, he runs away from her, and bounces off a set of ropes (which also somehow just appeared), flies into the air, and lands shoulder first into la's stomach (well, actually the ground takes most of the impact through his legs, but the audience won't see that.
he then grabs her by the neck, and starts pounding the ground visciously - somehow, this is supposed to hurt someone. it seems to be working, because la is grimacing more and more with every pound on the mat.
reitsma wonders what he'll be having for dinner tonight.
Posted by ell, 03:30, 22nd February 2002:
 
<DrNick>
Hi everybody! Hmm, I'm sensing some tension in dis room... you need to take these HAPPY pills til dose VIOLENT urges go away!
</DrNick>

*hands out small, anonymous red pills*
Posted by la, 04:27, 22nd February 2002:
 
ahahaha - hey, that tickles!

*grabs reitsma by the hair, smashes his nose into the ground again and again until all that's left is a bloody pulp on the front of his head.
la stands on the back of his neck, takes a firm grip of reitsma's hair and rips it out, then proudly displays his scalp to the crowd like a trophie*
Posted by la, 04:51, 22nd February 2002:
 
*punches Dr Nick in the head*
Posted by Suzie, 15:56, 24th February 2002:
 
*makes a surprise attack and grabs november by the hair and dunks her in a barrel of what looks suspiciously like acid.. *
Posted by reitsma, 22:22, 24th February 2002:
 
reitsma, with his last ounce of energy, holds up a sign saying "ouch".
of course, he KNOWS this sort of behaviour is simply suicidal, and this is confirmed, as he looks up, and sees a grand piano falling from the sky, rocketing towards his body.
he sighs, and wonders how long it will be until the anvil follows.
Posted by la, 23:50, 24th February 2002:
 
*looks down from the top of the cliff to assess the damage*
*sees reitsma's crumpled body, watches him hold up a miniscule umbrella to protect himself*
he looks pathetic, but la shoves the anvil off anyway*
Posted by la, 23:55, 24th February 2002:
 
*hurls down a boulder for good measure*
Posted by November Eclectica, 13:10, 25th February 2002:
 
November isn't fighting .... calling it quits. has to get Acid off of her.
Posted by Suzie, 14:08, 25th February 2002:
 
hey, I only said it looked suspiciously like it. It was in fact apple juice.
Posted by cal, 21:47, 25th February 2002:
 
Urgh! Apple juice. You evil bitch!
Posted by la, 05:22, 26th February 2002:
 
hmm... apple juice.
that gives me an idea!
>:)
Posted by November Eclectica, 13:47, 26th February 2002:
 
November hates Apple Juice and she doesn't want to fight. *pouting* I don't like fighting ... it isn't my nature to fight. I'm more like a judge at a boxing match.
Posted by la, 21:40, 26th February 2002:
 
oh well boo hoo - what are you doing in fight club if you don't wanna fight?
;)
Posted by November Eclectica, 18:32, 27th February 2002:
 
I wasn't aksed to be here asshole ... so does that answer your question?
Posted by la, 22:09, 27th February 2002:
 
heyyy, just muckin' around with you!
didn't mean it seriously
=)
Posted by November Eclectica, 22:31, 27th February 2002:
 
Sorry la ...please forgive me. It hasn't been a very good week for me at all. I didn't mean to blow up at you. Just for some reason my defensives are up and I am overly senstive at this time. *hugs*
Posted by la, 23:46, 27th February 2002:
 
yeah, well I read your other msg after this (about the weblog), so I can understand how you'd be feeling

it's all cool!
Posted by Suzie, 00:26, 28th February 2002:
 
*changes mind and makes surprise attack on La instead.*

*cunningly switches the apple juice with urine*

ooh. :p
Posted by la, 00:39, 28th February 2002:
 
AAHH!!
sneaky little b*tch! =P

*faces Suzie and screams at her*
BRING-IT-ON! I can handle two of you!!
Posted by Suzie, 02:22, 28th February 2002:
 
*laughs in la's face*

ooh, what is that smell?

I think you need a bath la..

*dumps 50 gallons ice cold water over la*
Posted by la, 01:35, 1st March 2002:
 
*grabs suzie and hurls her into the mud resulting from her 'little shower'*
*holds her face down in the muck and rubs it in her hair*

We'll see who's dirty now!
Posted by Meatwood Flack, 30th October 2007:
 
*bump*
Posted by Saltation, around 1st November 2007:
 
*shove*
Posted by che, around 1st November 2007:
 
Wow, so Sul has always been a total pussy?
Posted by Saltation, around 1st November 2007:
 
#97 "Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person."