Posted by
cal, 09:22, 27th August 2002:
Let's tell a story, three words at a time.
Double posting will be frowned upon...
The story so far:
Once upon a time on a dark stormy night there was a really very hairy woman in a yellow Ford Cortina.
She was driving so badly that people yelled abuse and then threw up all over Red riding hood, who then cried "Who's afraid of the big bad wolf, the big bad wolf". "The horribly ugly wolf", said the teacher, as she ate, nine, ten, elevened, sugar coated donuts.
On the way to the bonny fair, she met the Duke brothers with eight furry legs in a three inch case.
Oh how they drank large amounts of watered down pigs blood which tasted just like weak pigs blood mixed in with water. She rode like a pro golf player with fake plastic trees all the way down San Francisco.
So he decided to turn into an old graveyard. Berk from Trapdoor was standing in cold mango chutney. Steaming piles of kinder egg toys with little eyes and beating hearts, beautiful things, shiny.
The trapdoor opened. Samantha peered out and her head started to turn a complete circle as she saw an owl doing something with it's beak which it shouldn't have been.
Out of the box came the Lord God Almighty who promptly smited "you've been bad", like a really bad Elvis impersonator who sings Madonna whilst only wearing two pieces of rather poorly constructed green window frames hanging off his handy bits. And he promptly dissapeared.
Berk was upset at the thought of pigeons playing with their own genitals so he bought a new pair of blue Suede shoes which he then burnt using the juice of a fresh and fully ripe mango.
Unfortunatley flames engulfed marys house of cards.
But so solid crew were standing nearby spitting on the remains of their soggy biscuits that they had recently given special lovin' to all night. That twat Romeo and his posse, who had twenty-one eye gouging squirrells in their pockets, chewing plastic forks which made the story make no cake or pies or pasties, or cake filled pasties which sucked badly.
Meanwhile, in Gotham there was a cross-dressing batman dressing his dolls and playing with plastic cowboys and himself. Suddenly, Robin came and wiped out the martians with a big yellow crayon that then completely melted madame tussaurd's waxwork of Kylie. Funnily enough, its' breasts remained perky as madonna's, but not in the same cup size. Madam Tussaurd's closed and then opened again. Then closed once to find only one sock in a comprimising position, which was nice.
My pet elephant, the other sock puppet, was called Mr. Cracker. "Why?", cried the old, because thats what it was called on week nights. On weekends it decided to go line dancing with warren's escourt agency, "camp escorts", which sells small children, fords and tents to gullible orphans. They dont mind because unfortunately the exchange rate prevents orphan retail from Kmart blue light sales, because of the pink fluff.
Meanwhile, the chicken started to smell of marmite aftershave, belonging to the killer, bobby davies, who kills by stella artois overdoses or by smoking small asian children on sticks. So gary glitter turns into a shrew by rubbing his magical wish-wig against a small child's pedophile detecting stick as advertised on mtv. The chicken murdered Colonel Sanders very quickly because he was also Ronald MacDonald. The chicken laughed loudly at the ax and spectators agreed. "it's time to bring back Elvis - The King Lives!", shouted the chicken, before Bernard Matthews...
Posted by
cal, 17:04, 28th August 2002:
The story so far (just the latest part):
Meanwhile, the chicken started to smell of marmite aftershave, belonging to the killer, bobby davies, who kills by stella artois overdoses or by smoking small asian children on sticks. So gary glitter turns into a shrew by rubbing his magical wish-wig against a small child's pedophile detecting stick as advertised on mtv. The chicken murdered Colonel Sanders very quickly because he was also Ronald MacDonald. The chicken laughed loudly at the ax and spectators agreed. "it's time to bring back Elvis - The King Lives!", shouted the chicken, before Bernard Matthews declared war on Captain Birdseye over prices of fish. That was very very stupidly answered by legions of flying monkey hangers singing "tra la la la la la la".
Unfortunately Bernard was only about three feet away from a knife weilding maniac street preacher with a really long hair. so next, Bernard called upon Teletubby custard power and instantly died. The world mourned Bernard's death and the invention of green hornet's car and "the mullet".
Posted by
ell, 17:15, 29th August 2002:
and consistencies. Superweasel
Posted by
plindoe, 17:56, 29th August 2002:
twiglet munching homosexual
Posted by
cal, 17:35, 16th September 2002:
The story so far (just the latest part):
Now, big sticks, with pointy ends seek world domination and only Superweasel knows the secret to unleash the fabulous power of Timmy's mallet, which contained lactose free helium. We all hate Calbot's Smilies but enjoy the brown stickyness of sticky brown things. Sticks for example or, alternativly, shit. In all shapes and consistencies.
Superweasel was a closet twiglet munching homosexual including animals to appease the dreaded stench of Supertramp his archnemesis from the iamcal network which grew hairy permalinks to other networks of evil. World domination blogs, so they say.. "Flock to the
Posted by
cal, 14:59, 11th October 2002:
this thread has ending. the story is continued here:
www.iamcal.com/topic.php?id=1429