iamcal.com Since May 2000

• Happy new year!
• Newbie topic - May 2016
• Newbie topic - April 2016
• Newbie topic - March 2016
• Newbie topic - February 2016
• Newbie topic - January 2016
• Newbie topic - November 2015
• Newbie topic - August 2015
• Newbie topic - July 2015
• Newbie topic - May 2015
• Newbie topic - April 2015
• Newbie topic - March 2015
• Newbie topic - September 2014
• Newbie topic - December 2014
• Newbie topic - October 2014
• Newbie topic - August 2014
• Newbie topic - July 2014
• Newbie topic - June 2014
• Newbie topic - May 2014
• Hello!

The Black leather list (W.S.Gilbert Parody)

As someday it may happen that my clients might be found,
I've made a little list--I've made a little list--
Of indulgences for those who I've seen to underground,
For they've never have been kissed Why, they never Would be kissed.
The doggie who of three-times- three and twenty always begs,
And humps and moans until he has bowed both your legs,
he grovels for your heel, and it's whipping that he needs.
There's the lovers of warm waters, their hunger for golden seeds
must be met with fervent pee, these flowers mustn't be missed.
They've none of them been kissed never ever have been kissed.

There's the nursemaid who each evening must sit upon the nails
each with lemon garnished twist--SHE must never be kissed
While she tells you of the children as she sits, say "all of them are snails."
but She must never be kissed --She'd much rather not be kissed.
For those who must clean, having polished everything too neat,
you must lock them in the trash heaped high so they entreat
you to let them clean your house, -and they do this every week.
There's the little girls who squeal, who must never be allowed to speak
and the little boys who must be made to curse and revile you,
with gates of hell on underneath their little white tutu's.
Of course there's the whores who on titillation insist--
They must never be kissed, they'd none of them be kissed.
Then the teacher who for hours wants your cat-o-nine tails
With an ever-aching wrist--SHE never would be kissed

And bad children, who out of school are fond of telling tales--
They never would be kissed, they must never be kissed.
All these wish marks of passion, -you think spanking's a joke?
Bruises to burning aches are minder's to life's yoke
but sex an death are the "promise of pleasure" unalterably fixed,
and that's philosophy and sex most carefully mixed.
For those who believe kisses are a potent fetish, I firmly must insist
all these never would be kissed -- they'd none of them be kissed!

Fantastic, Nov! Did you write this yourself? If not, where's it taken from?

too long cannot be arsed to read it, soz nov!

Thanks Gary ....No, I did not write it.

It came from The Black leather list (W.S.Gilbert Parody), my friend Celia sent it to me.

I am correcting myself.

No one has to read it .. I was in a silly mood.

hmmm, what prompted that?

hmmmm .... dunno ... just started writing.

Dee to the jay to the e double Ess,
Throwing out the beats, gonna leave you in a mess,
Getting down to the sound of the rumbling bass,
DJ Ess, yes! You in the right place!

=]

Quick freestyle for you =]

Up above the streets and houses,
Rainbows flying high,
Bungle stuck his bum out the window,
And pooed in Geoffreys eye.

Thanks Grim .. I liked that

Rosie ... very cute and funny.

sometimes people just write.

Do you know where Rosies song is from Nov?

Well, I take it that the song never featured on the original series...

dpends whether you saw it morning or evening...

Post-watershed rainbow?

Chris ... no I don't know where her song comes from .. but it made me laugh and I needed to laugh

There was the infamous "gay sex" rainbow episode...

That zippy is a bondage/S&M reference if ive ever seen one.

Rainbow was a mind altering kids TV show over here...

Zippy, Bungle and George taught me how to live.
Rod, Jane and Freddy taught me how to rock!

Jeffery taught me children's television presenting isnt such a sound career choice

"Thanks Gary ....Yes, I wrote it."

yet in her blog is says:

"This is a very funny poem that my friend sent to me.
The Black leather list (W.S.Gilbert Parody)"


...*ahem*

Ooooh whoopsie, busted!

Mwahaha! NOONE expects the SPANISH INQUISITION!!!

Yep .. you got me. Wanted to see who was paying attention. :P

My friend Celia sent me that poem and I posted it to my website.

Very good work there Sal .. I'm impressed.

Zippy was blatantly a gimp.

ha! once you're busted you say it was a test! pah!

hehehehehehehhe

Read again ... I made corrections.

I can't pull any wool over on your guys. But here is an orginal:

Needing

Do you remember a love you once had, a feeling inside that you could not hide, a want, a need, a fear? Searching these empty streets, on a journey for inner peace.

In a dark alley I can see a light, a memory of your intoxicating kiss – never knew it could be like this.

I crave those nights, you holding me tight, our bodies becoming one in the twilight, your tender kisses, your hands twisted in my hair, our gentle whispers, the games we love to share.

Music plays on; my heart skips a beat, the ink flowing to the paper, bittersweet memories. Baby come hold me tonight, your touch, your kisses I crave – cure this insatiable appetite.

and I made changes to that one to .. so it is not like the one on my website .. I changed some of the words. :P

i wish i was a ten ton squirrell
sitting in a tree
and when you walked beneath my branch
i'd jump off and squash you flat

Thats very good Cal

This is my version:

i wish i was a ten ton squirrell
sitting in a tree
and when you walked beneath me
i'd jump off and squash you flat

I changed some of the words so I could get away with it

hahaha. my friend wrote his own version:

i wish i was a ten ton squirrel
sitting in a tree
and when you walked beneath my branch
i'd jump off and squash you flat

he only uses one 'l' in squirrell. genius

Yeah, heres my poem..

I wish I was a ten ton squirrel
Standing in a tree
And when you walked beneath my branch,
I'd squat and take a wee.

OR.....

I wish I was a ten ton squirrel
Sitting in a tree
And when you walked beneath my branch
I'd flick a ten ton flea........at you.

I wish I was a squirrel;
so graceful; so free;
like my father,
digging peat, in the bogs of ireland,
like his father before him,
the spade, and the flax dam,
he bends, and lifts a potato,
new created, from the earth.

But now I must lift the spade,
like my father before me,
as if my wife, behind the cake,
like a demented bride, screamed
words into my head, written,
with the spade
in the turf.

My branch, of the tree of my father;
the roots of his hair tangled and old,
And to descend, upon my wife,
cruching her with my ten ton bulk,
And bringing forth a child.

I wish I had an elephant
He would have to be quite thin
A simple solution just popped to mind
I just wont bother feeding him

We had squirrels in the loft when I was little and my dad shot them all with his gun.
How shit is that?

Hey, at least they weren't foxes!

Poor little squirrels
sleeping in your dray
My dads came along
and blew you all away.

i wish i had a squirrl
i'd keep him in a box
and give it a little mahcine gun
to protect it from the fox

My uncle used to tell me that other people don't feel pain.

i think he may have been lying

Like Nov.

lmao!!!! girls! :D

pft .. pft .. pft ...

and I will never do it again.

fight, fight, fight!

Uncle Moc has been reading too much Seamus Heaney methinks. Actually any number of poems about Ireland and mud is too much

oh dear - chay we were messed up by our GCSE english coursework!