Discussion » It's Joke Time!

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Posted by Grim..., 15:16, 26th September 2002:
 
What do tuppaware boxes and a walrus have in common?


They both like a tight seal =]
Posted by Rosie, 15:29, 26th September 2002:
 
Whats brown and sticky?



A stick.
Posted by Grim..., 08:42, 27th September 2002:
 
What's brown and runny?


Linford Christie!
Posted by Uncle Moc, 10:11, 27th September 2002:
 
Q. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
A. His wife died.

Q. What will Postman Pat be called when he retires?
A. Pat.

Q. What will Postman Pat be called when he retires abroad?
A. Ex-Pat.
Posted by cal, 11:10, 27th September 2002:
 
that's pretty poor
Posted by Uncle Moc, 11:20, 27th September 2002:
 
By the time the sailor got into town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded at the last hotel.
"Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force
pilot," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost.
But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in the
rooms next door have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be
worth it to you."

"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it."

The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?"

"Nope, I quietened him in no time," replied the Navy guy.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the
sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and
said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
Posted by chris, 11:29, 27th September 2002:
 
While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 10 mph over the limit), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge.

The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"

I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."

The cop said "What..... a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"

I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand,

then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."

The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge..."

The ticket £60. The look on his face, PRICELESS
Posted by Victor Menendez, 11:39, 27th September 2002:
 
During the last Australia vs Pakistan test, Famous lard arse Inzamam-Ul-Haq was at the crease, the australians immediately started sledging him, the better he played, the more abuse he got until finally after an exquisite cover drive, Steve Waugh turned to Inzamam and said "Why are you so fat?"
Inzamam replied "Because every time i fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit"
Posted by cal, 08:10, 3rd October 2002:
 
What kind of bees give milk?

Boobies.
Posted by angel_mouse, 16:19, 3rd October 2002:
 
what has 99 balls and screws old ladies?





a bingo machine
Posted by Sul, 16:34, 3rd October 2002:
 
For his birthday Little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is £80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."

The next day the father saw Little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"

Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I heard you tell mum you were pulling out. I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm sticking around here by myself with an £80,000 mortgage and no bike."
Posted by angel_mouse, 19:04, 3rd October 2002:
 
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool.

One starts to insult the other one.
He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'

The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.

The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'


The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'
Posted by Gary, 19:40, 3rd October 2002:
 
Hmm... you didn't steal that from here did you, Angel? :P
Posted by angel_mouse, 21:14, 3rd October 2002:
 
ummm... maybe :D
yes
sorry, i was going to add that. really.
Posted by ell, 21:25, 4th October 2002:
 
-- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown and sticky? A stick."


Researchers said no one ever found it funny.


Take note, Rosie. :P ;)
Posted by Victor Menendez, 00:59, 5th October 2002:
 
Damn i was going to post that but you beat me to it ell.
Posted by plindoe, 10:10, 5th October 2002:
 
whats brown and...oh never mind!
Posted by ilovebeerme, 12:39, 8th October 2002:
 
What did the deaf dumb and blind child get for christmas?




Cancer
Posted by chandler, 12:57, 8th October 2002:
 
Christ, that last one actually makes you laugh, completly involuntarily.

thats horrible. absolutly horrible.

Everyone I just showed that too, let out a single laugh, completely without meaning to.
Posted by plindoe, 17:33, 8th October 2002:
 
A drunken Irish man is visiting Manchester for the first time. He is peshed being belief and walks into a library and says" BURGER AND CHIPS PLEASE! ", the girl behind the desk says "Im sorry this is a library", "oh", said the irish man " burger and chips please"

sad i know but made me laugh after a few beers!
Posted by Victor Menendez, 17:37, 8th October 2002:
 
Utter shite, fancy a pint tonight?
Posted by Victor Menendez, 17:37, 8th October 2002:
 
Wow, back to the ryming thang!