I'd do lots of cool things...
1) Build a big 'ned' bonfire and watch those shellsuits burn.
2) Give teachers cattle prods and put CCTV in classrooms to make sure there use was justified.
" try and make me Miss" zapppppppppppppp. Haha.
3) Make cheese and beer free.
4) Allow people to leave work if it's sunny.
5) Ban religion.
6) Make people who drop litter eat the said item.
7) Replace 'sunday church' visits with 'sunday paintball games'
8) Give my rats high ranking positions in the government.
9) Allow nudity. Hey it's your choice.
10) Put Celine Dion on the 'ned' bonfire.
11) Bottle the smell of barbecues.
12) Make everybody dispose of there own waste (baring in mind the litter laws)
13) Make hacky sack the official world sport.
14) Cash bonuses for smoking weed.
15) Make everybody watch Dr Strangelove
16) Make sunsets compulsory.
He he you rock beer man. Big thumbs up.
You know schemies. Tolk like dis. Wear sovereign rings and think Africa is a country.
Posted by
chandler, 15:29, 15th November 2002:
5) Ban religion.
Effectivly isnt that what hitler did to the Jews?
Maybe, "believe what you like, but don't try to make me beleve" would be a good law.
But other than that the list is top notch
Posted by
cal, 15:29, 15th November 2002:
sounds like quite a good world. i might vote for you in the upcoming leader of the world elections
Posted by
Sul, 15:32, 15th November 2002:
"Tolk like dis"
Oi, I talk like that!
Posted by
Sul, 15:33, 15th November 2002:
Sorry, that just lost you my vote!
I know I wouldnt really ban religion. I would ban creationism from schools though. And I'd want a list of where every penny the church gets goes to. And anybody who gold leafed a statue of jesus or bought a new church stained glass window would be forced to attend a playing of Celine Dion, Westlife and Shania Twain.
But the sunday paintball games are a must.
sorry sul bad example what I meant was.
'Whit are ye fuckin lookin at yi big poof. I'll smash ye in the puss ye pure radge c**t. Keep it up if yer wantin' chibbed ye doss prick'
people like that I would burn.
Posted by
Grim..., 15:42, 15th November 2002:
You missed things like
"The only way to get a speeding ticket is to be overtaken by the chasing police officer in less than five minutes after he turned his lights on"
and
"You are allowed to beat seven shades of shit out of someone if you catch them trying to burgle your house".
Posted by
chandler, 15:44, 15th November 2002:
"would be forced to attend a playing of Celine Dion, Westlife and Shania Twain."
That don't impress me much
*boom boom*
17) People who use mobile phones in the cinema have to pick an orifice.
18) Dogs have opinions too. Especially those beardy dogs you see.
19) Coronation Street is stopped immediately and all records of it destroyed.
20) Green is officially the best colour.
21) Everyone has to go to China at least once.
22) George Bush is put in a deep hole.
23) Everybody must realise and accept the prominence of the number 23.
Posted by
Rosie, 15:47, 15th November 2002:
LOL!!!!!
Nice one Alan!
( directed at chandler!)
Posted by
Grim..., 15:49, 15th November 2002:
'Whit are ye fuckin lookin at yi big poof. I'll smash ye in the puss ye pure radge c**t. Keep it up if yer wantin' chibbed ye doss prick'
Scottish people?
667, now thats a number for you. The neighbor of the Beast!
I am scottish grim. Just horrible schemies and neds.
23 occurs more at random than any other number Vic. Watch for it. And it's not just cause your watching for it. Cause the same does not apply if you watch for 21. do do do do, do do do do.
Posted by
chandler, 15:55, 15th November 2002:
Cheers Rosie.
I'm going to start collecting these nice comments like the ones they have on movie posters.
------------------------------
Chay "Aha" Chandler
"Nice one Alan"
Rosie, if I ruled the world... Thread
"I declare this to be Iamcal's funniest ever!"
Victor Menendez, internal jukebox Thread
"Keep away from my dog or I'll break your legs."
Mad Man in the Park
24) Make hover boards from back to the future 2 real.
25) Make everybody trilingual.
26) Invent transporters like in Star Trek.
27) Put Earthworm Jim back on tv.
28) Have a throne room.
29) Have Sunday and Sunday 2
30) Prevent george Lucas from directing Star Wars episode 3.
Posted by
cal, 16:30, 15th November 2002:
27 is a good one
Posted by
chandler, 19:30, 15th November 2002:
31) Everyone has to wach Cheers at least once a day to reaffirm their faith in the basic deep down goodness of all mankind.
Posted by
chandler, 19:32, 15th November 2002:
31a) those deemed not to be smiling sufficently at the antics of Sam and the Gang, will have their throats cut with rusty razor blades.
i like it i like it a lot.
banning religion might make you a bit un popular with some people; couldn't you just ban 'holier than thou' attitudes?
and chandler, this is ilovebeer's world, cheeky! (im still upset with you for bullying me about the dangermouse thing)
Posted by
chandler, 23:15, 15th November 2002:
32) ilovebeerme must hand over control of the world to me.
33) for his enforced generousity ilovebeerme will be given a statue and a golden handshake
34) To ensure no further bid for power from Ilovebeerme he will be given a golden bullet to the back of the head. and thrown into a ditch.
35) angel_mouse forced to undertake extensive, and very painful, plastic surgery to look like Dangermouse.
16) Make sunsets compulsory.
As opposed to the current messed-up situation where you can opt-out of the sunset and just have nonstop daytime?
36) Everyone gets 1000 pounds.
37) There are random Tyler Durden Patrol Wardens who harass members of the public into actually doing something with their lives. "I'm going to check on you. If you aren't back in school on your way to being a veterinarian, you will be dead. Now, get the hell out of here."
38) Air travel is replaced with giant catapults (on departure) and giant nets (on arrival). Those too obese or too aerodynamic to be within the calculated "safety" range will either fall too short of the target (plunging into the Atlantic perhaps) or overshoot (slamming into skyscrapers) Transatlantic jetsetting has never been such an exciting game of chance!
39) Elite small children are kidnapped and raised in colonies on Jupiter and fed Evolution Juice (this makes them evolve really quickly.) Put all the food out of their reach so they have to jump to get it. Leave this for a few years... now you have some jumping 19 year olds who also have exo-skeletons to cope with the gravity.
Take them back to earth. Because the gravity is so much lower, they can jump really high and are super strong. These shall be the guardsmen of our Glorious New Regieme.
40) We turn all the streetlamps multicoloured with each one being a slightly different colour from the last. Hence when doing 90 down a motorway the impression is of a beautiful slowly changing rainbow effect. Trippy!
41) Ninjas and pirates are forced to fight to finally settle the age-old dispute.
chandler: angel mouse as in me or as in the cartoon character??
Posted by
chandler, 10:05, 16th November 2002:
you
Posted by
cal, 14:12, 16th November 2002:
i like guy's additions. especially 39. but that should be the case already, not just when we take over the world.
you know people tell me that i bare a striking resemlance to dangermouse anyway...
(trying to get out of the painful plastic surgery)
#39 sounds quite fun
cal, 14:12 16 November 2002:
i like guy's
aha, revealed!
Posted by
cal, 20:01, 16th November 2002:
bah! i've been discovered
You know, I've never heard *that* one before...
[groans] :)
yeah, all right. it's not funny, just a target of opportunity sorry cal, sorry guy, sorry iamcal regulars, sorry world etc
C'mon wasn't it worth even a tiny smirk?
Yeah, it was worth a :) or maybe even a :o)
But just fell short of a :oD.
36)- 41) are genius and are being implemented on day one.
Pirates are bad ass they'd fuck up a bunch of ninjas. Unless the ninjas were Michael Dudikoff from American Ninja he was hard as nails.
Chandler has been eliminated and replaced with a vegetarian robot that is exactly like him.
Posted by
Sul, 10:00, 18th November 2002:
pfft. Pirates couldn't even defeat the lost fucking boys! Those three kids from the 3 ninjas would kick all their arses!
Posted by
Sul, 10:02, 18th November 2002:
Especially the little fat one. He reminds me of Cal :)
ddox the pirate who does the Best PAge in The Universe is harder than a bag of concrete spanners.
http://maddox.xmission.com/beatass.html
see.
Posted by
cal, 10:25, 18th November 2002:
the little fat on reminds you of me? geez
Posted by
Sul, 10:29, 18th November 2002:
...he's always eating sweets
Posted by
cal, 10:29, 18th November 2002:
ahh, ok. fair comparison then
Posted by
Sul, 10:35, 18th November 2002:
42) make property owning exactly like monopoly.
43) Make highland cows a protected species.
44) Develop holosuites like those on the Enterprise.
45) Make Captain Picard my Prime Minister cause he's a bad ass.
46) Have 'pirate day' when everybody dresses as pirates and we sail big ships around all day going arrrrrrrr.
47) 'Sod off I'm playing Dungeon Siege' is now a valid excuse for not working.
48) Make the moon a theme park full of kick ass rollercoasters and low gravity paintball.
Posted by
arsepuppy, 11:36, 18th November 2002:
you like paintball a lot, don't you?
Posted by
Sul, 11:37, 18th November 2002:
That ride where they take you up and drop you will be a bit of a let-down though wont it.
Posted by
Sul, 11:37, 18th November 2002:
no pun intended
Yeah paintball rocks. We could have pirate paintball where you dress as pirates and have paint cannons on big ships. Nice.
Posted by
Sul, 11:47, 18th November 2002:
49) Make Kylie my girlfriend :)
Oh what am I saying, she deserves to be happy.
scrap that
50) Make Danii Minougue Sul's girlfriend so he gets some but also knows his place ;)
Posted by
Sul, 12:01, 18th November 2002:
A good compromise. I'll take it. My vote is back
Posted by
cal, 12:08, 18th November 2002:
:)
Posted by
Grim..., 12:33, 18th November 2002:
51) Make instant travel possible so that I can go and find the planet that, due to the infinate universe theory, is entirely populated by millions of Liz Hurley clones, and, soon, me.
Posted by
Sul, 14:25, 18th November 2002:
Would it make me a bad person to sleep with Danii but think of Kylie?
No that would make you human.
52) Put a stop to biased Ninja propaganda like this.
http://www.realultimatepower.net/
Posted by
Grim..., 13:29, 19th November 2002:
That is a
quality site!
Posted by
Grim..., 13:29, 19th November 2002:
"Facts:
1. Ninjas are mammals.
2. Ninjas fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja is to flip out and kill people."
Gotta love that advert at the top, too!
Awesome isnt it. It's very similar to the guy who does The Best Site In The Universe.
Posted by
Grim..., 14:38, 19th November 2002:
Yeah, but I hate best site in the universe, and I like the ninja one =]
Weird. Your an enigma wrapped in a puzzle.
Posted by
Grim..., 15:01, 19th November 2002:
I used to work at Enigma, if that helps make sense =]