Posted by
arsepuppy, 16:40, 6th February 2003:
....mine comes from back in 1996 or so, when I heard someone I knew come up with this beauty:
"He's fucking sad, him. He's the kind of person who's only seen Trainspotting once"
CRIIIINGE!!!!!!
A week later, his g/f lent someone his copy of the aforementioned film on video, and said the following:
"Whatever you do, don't lose it, that film is his LIFE!"
I feel like punching a whole in the wall just typing this stuff, really I do.
Posted by
izb, 16:50, 6th February 2003:
My brother once caught a fish and weighed it on the kitchen scales. Unsatisfied, he went looking for more scales to weigh it with because "the scales are too small, it was only weighing the middle bit. The head and tail were sticking out the sides of the plate"
He has issues.
My worst was an absolute stereotype fat tarten short wearing midwesterner with fat wife and fat children in Chatalet metro station in Paris.
He had cornered some pure French lady and was waving a guide book at her and, i kid you not, shouting:
'No no no you don't god damn understand will you listen Eiffel Tower, Eiffel Tower we want to go to the Eiffel Tower'
The woman looked scared and obviously didn't speak any English at all. He was sooooo frustrated with her. My girlfriend had to stop me from going over and punching him up the arse. Twat.
Posted by
arsepuppy, 16:58, 6th February 2003:
Slightly off topic, but my one reminded me of a particularly silly moment.
There was this Bristolian guy living in my town a few years back, and one day went a bit funny and threatened to kill himself. Normally, this kind of thing isn't joke fodder, but this was an exception. You see, he wanted to do it by jumping off a building, which he began to climb. Trouble was, said building was a bus shelter, which couldn't have been 2 metres tall..
Well it was funny at the time.
Posted by
arsepuppy, 17:07, 6th February 2003:
Another one...
Back in 1992, my mum and I were walking down the streets of Tel-Aviv, and were getting a bit peckish. Fortunately, there was a fruit shop nearby, run by a guy so old that his legs were quite possibly rigid with compressed bum-dust. Anyway, we bought some bananas, as you do, and started to walk away. As we were doing this, the old guy stopped us, and in the best ever pidgin english said, whilst gesturing his words (and said without irony):
"You open it, and eat it"
Posted by
Grim..., 17:39, 6th February 2003:
I
HATE the phrase "Give 110 percent".
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!
Posted by
reitsma, 21:31, 6th February 2003:
someone in my geography class asked if the lines of latitude and longitude are actually marked on the earth.
*ehem* one really annoying thing i hear is one person who always says "i'm going to do that
now", or "we'll be leaving
now", and uses
now whenever i would select the word
later. It just bugs me, because she's NOT going to do it now, she going to do it soon, or in a while, or later!
*vent*
Posted by
Redmaiden, 22:26, 6th February 2003:
I am a pedant making most things people say annoying.
Phrases like "weapons of mass destruction" and "smoking gun" are annoying the pants off me lately.
I always think it's a really stupid thing to say, on TV when a tragedy has happened - murder, shuttle crash etc "and the victims' families must be feeling devastated right now". No really?
Posted by
arsepuppy, 00:31, 7th February 2003:
Anyone see "Wife Swap" today?? (Is it for real? Seems too funny to be true)
There was a pikey woman on it and she got in a spat with her new "husband", this really arrogant tosspot of a bloke, to which she uttered this absolue gem:
"You're Hitler! and Hitler's dead!!!"
Classy.
Posted by
ell, 03:40, 7th February 2003:
Any phrase ending in NOT drives me up the wall... "I really like that colour.... NOT!"
Death to the
Saved By The Bell or whatever unholy US teenagers started this trend!!!
Posted by
reitsma, 04:07, 7th February 2003:
yeah, the only thing worse than sarcasm is broadcasted sarcasm - and i think those heroes in a half-shell may have had some influence on this habit too.
The guy I work beside says at least once a day:
'If you can't dazzle them with diamonds, baffle them with bullshit'
Then looks as if it is the most original and hilarious thing EVER. I am plotting.....
A woman on 'Kilroy' talking about the heinous crime committed against her daughter. fair enough it was nasty but that was no reason for her to pronounce it "hinnious"
Posted by
chris, 09:10, 7th February 2003:
Bill and Ted are most wanted for that crime ell :)
Its like so like cool like
I think it is annoying when people ask you to repeat yourself after you already told them the samething a dozen times and they always ask the same damn question.
Posted by
Rosie, 15:59, 7th February 2003:
i really fucking it hate it when you ask someone a question and they reply by saying, "Whatever".
AARRRGGGHHHHH. It makes me see red!!
I have to walk out of the room if someone says that to me..
Posted by
Gary, 16:06, 7th February 2003:
When people say, "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
'Where did you lose it' :-)
Posted by
chandler, 16:18, 7th February 2003:
Gary did you just copy and paste that. cos the "Do people do this? who and where are they?" its written in exactly the same way as those damned sad "funny" e-mails that people send me.
And "Its always in the last place you look" isnt stupid cos it isnt meant to be serious, its a joke.
Posted by
Gary, 16:22, 7th February 2003:
Hehehe... yes, I admit it, I did copy that from somewhere else! Of course, I do know it's meant to be a joke, but it's a damn stupid thing to say nonetheless.
Posted by
chandler, 16:52, 7th February 2003:
it is. My god I'm sad for recognising that as a cut and paste job. It's like when I see things on posters and I know the name of the font they have used. Agghhh
Posted by
Gary, 17:08, 7th February 2003:
Hehehe... :)
Posted by
ell, 18:35, 7th February 2003:
Ahahaha, spot the guy who works in media :D
Posted by
Sul, 11:32, 8th February 2003:
my friend, adam, went into a jewish sandwich shop with his jewish workmate shop a couple of weeks back and asked if their salt beef was boiled pork. He didnt realise his mistake until they actually asked him to leave the shop. pratt.
My mother once asked where the M25 ends.
I get pissed off with any buzzwords
briteny spears said "I like to go to lots of over seas places, like Canada." right then i lost all respect for her...if i had any.
Posted by
3M TA3, 21:22, 8th February 2003:
Customer: "This Swiss Cheese has too many holes it, I don't want to pay for all those holes!"
(Muttering sarcastically) "Maybe if you ask nice they will cut them all out for you."
when people describe a conversation and say 'well i turned round to him and said..., then he turned round me and said...' etc etc. YOU'RE SO STUPID.
oh, and a friend of mine was convinced that St Nicholas was one of Jesus's deciples (this is when she was younger, but old enough to know better)
Posted by
jeffld, 01:45, 22nd February 2003:
I'm mowing the lawn and my friend comes over and asks me "whatcha doin?" - as if he cannot clearly see exactly what it is that I'm doing.
I then wanted to slap him, but instead I say "playing tiddly winks with manhole covers." (idiot)
Posted by
jlittle, 08:14, 22nd February 2003:
Customer: You mean the mouse is not meant to be used on the floor? Why is it called a mouse then, mice don't sit on the table
Posted by
Sul, 12:04, 22nd February 2003:
Me: Ok I've reset your password to 'Password00'
Customer: Are those capital zeros?
Posted by
johnt, 03:21, 24th February 2003:
this guy is selling me something that he knows perfectly well is overpriced and he keeps saying over and over"i don't know if you know but"which i think translated meant"you are thick do as i tell you "so eventually i had to start using the phrase myself but he didn,t notice.
Once someone said this to me
" you stupid,arrogent,stupid,arrogent, stupid, moron!!!"
then I said: " I bet you couldn't even spell moron."
then they said:
"M-O-R-E-O-N"
bet they pissed all over you with 'arrogant' though eh?
I did get mad that they were going all off on me for no reason
are all you people from Great Brittan? Just wondering....
no, we've got mostly english, a few scots, a token (semi) welshman, a couple of aussies, a yank, a lot of pre-pubescent yanks and an occasional german.
I'm from the US, what does that make me?
dude, this website's go the wrong time, it's 4:06 pm
depends, there are a few factors, let me ask you some questions.
Do you like to discuss 'the matrix' in great detail?
Do you like 'Dirty Sanchez' and/or 'Jackass' to the point of obsession?
Do you like Riddles?
Do you like to throw absurd and poorly written abuse at people for no apparent reason?
And welcome Grenwich Mean Time, the time zone of champions.
no.
no.
yes.
no.... sometimes
Well i'm satisfied, hello!
isn't it like 10:00 pm over there?
hello....
do you people have Krispy Kreme over there?
Posted by
chandler, 22:35, 11th June 2003:
yes its now 10.35pm almost time for bed
Posted by
cal, 09:39, 12th June 2003:
we don't have krispy creme. but that's a good thing. krispy creme suck. we have much better donuts in the uk
Posted by
beargod, 09:44, 12th June 2003:
I have no idea what krispy creme is vic you forgot the Dutch
Posted by
jlittle, 09:55, 12th June 2003:
Anyone who has a genetic disorder, and then gives birth to a child knowing that the child could also end up with that same genetic disorder (or something much worse) needs their head examining.
that's the Most Stupid / Annoying Thing I've Ever Heard Someone Say
Bloody Hell, has Gary been reading "Mein Kampf" again?
Posted by
farmkid, 11:37, 12th June 2003:
"Mein Kampf"? Gary makes AH look like a gay commie
Posted by
beargod, 11:40, 12th June 2003:
AH?
Posted by
beargod, 11:41, 12th June 2003:
hitler?
Posted by
beargod, 11:42, 12th June 2003:
I thought it was the tash that made him look gay, and the way every nazi saluted him
"
and the way every nazi saluted him"
Can't see Nazis saluting a gay guy somehow. Dunno why.
Posted by
beargod, 11:55, 12th June 2003:
:)
we were saying "look like"
"
I thought it was the tash that made him look gay, and the way every nazi saluted him"
Hmmm..
:D
What doughnuts are better that Krispy Kreme?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
You crazy ppl, you are SOOOOO off, Krispy Kreme ROCK!
And yeah, that thing about someone saying that ppl with disorders shouldn't have kids is wrong. They should have the same rights as anyone else.
Posted by
Gary, 20:41, 12th June 2003:
Haha! Why did I know that one of my own connotations from another popular thread would end up in this resurrected thread? :)
Posted by
beargod, 21:04, 12th June 2003:
cos your psychic
or a psycho :)
Posted by
Gary, 21:06, 12th June 2003:
Hmm. I say it was just a bloody good guess.
NEW MOST ANNOYING THING EVAH!!!!1
i cant say i like her "skater punk" credentials. but her choons have a nice light summery beat. which is nice for the car
Dear me. Give the man a packet of Maltesers, he's earned it.
Four stinkers in a (sort of) sentence. Nice one Milhouse.
*claps*
:P
it's not that bad you noncense merchant
What's wrong with punk rock??
Posted by
Gary, 11:24, 14th June 2003:
What's right with it? :P
Posted by
chandler, 14:20, 14th June 2003:
it isnt punk rock anyway
i cant say i like her "skater punk" credentials
Well since she has none to begin with, this is moot point. A committee of songwriters had a few songs and wanted to cash in on the "skater" trend and manufactured an ex Christian Country&Western singer into the role. Apparently if you mention the fact that she doesn't write her material in interviews, the management will stop the interview.
"
but her choons... "
Choons??? *slaps forehead*
"
have a nice light summery beat."
I don't need to say how wrong this sounds.
*loads crossbow*
"
which is nice for the car"
You are my Dad and I claim my "Best Of Crystal Gayle" tape
Posted by
beargod, 19:10, 14th June 2003:
I love punk rock, she is definatly not punk, she is not even a punk but a twat
Posted by
chandler, 19:34, 14th June 2003:
ap: how dumb are you. why do you think i put the words "skater punk" in speech marks? hello, don't you understand what that means. duh.
i said choons in an ironic way, like when i say "ciao!" i'm not saying it to be cool you dumb ass.
i happen to think it is light and summery. sorry if you dont agree.
oh im sorry i didnt realise you dictated what people are allowed to listen to when they are driving. oh im sorry i hadnt realised this was a dictatorship, i'll only listen to things that you approve of in future
(twat)
Posted by
Gary, 21:33, 14th June 2003:
Woah! Guys, guys - calm down, please! Sheesh!
Only I'm allowed to change "discussion" threads into "heated discussion" threads! :)
Posted by
Sul, 21:58, 14th June 2003:
Jeez, it seems that all vegetarians I know are well cranky :/
It appears that while they have a problem with eating a cow they dont mind "having" one.
wow, you guys get easily upset, just chill out... it's a discussion, not a debate.
Posted by
chandler, 00:11, 15th June 2003:
i'd appologise but i just dont care enough
:)
There is absolutely nothing that I hate more than the letter z where it doesn't belong.
I.E. "Fo Shizzle mah nizzle" Makes me cringe and have to choke back murderous rage every time.
Customer (in the middle of tech support call): I'm *trying* to get online, but it won't dial up.
Tech: How many phone lines do you have?
Customer: Just this one.
Tech: Ma'am, we're on the phone.
Posted by
beargod, 20:14, 15th June 2003:
"Fo Shizzle mah nizzle"
WTF does that mean?
Posted by
chandler, 20:31, 15th June 2003:
dont know but a judge had to rule on it in court recently. he didnt understand it either!
Posted by
beargod, 21:50, 15th June 2003:
can i get prosecuted for saying it?
It means "for sure, my nigga"
arrgghh no!!!! I.SHOULDN'T.BE.HERE. ;)