Posted by
Ralphael, 21:19, 27th September 2003:
Every time I go to the library, I see a crowd of scary people outside, like the library was a bar or strip club. It's exceedingly bothersome. Today, Sept. 27, a guy came up to me and asked to read my shirt. I was wearing the shirt that says "One by one the penguins steal my sanity", so I wasn't too confused.Then he introduces himself as Antonio, and starts to mumble garbled quotes from socrates and shakespeare, and he pronounces socrates like Bill and Ted in Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. So-crates.The he asks me to follow him, and in a panic I dash into the library.
Posted by
Sul, 22:46, 27th September 2003:
Ooh oooh oooooh. I'll go next.
I entered the Library with Antonio in hot pursuit. Gathering what little courage I had buried beneath my blanket of rising fear I turned and confronted him,
"What do you want from me you fucking mentalist?"
"I just want you to listen to what I have to say about Socrates and his influence on the modern obsession with flightless birds. Like the one who used to be in Holby City."
Antonio didn’t seem best pleased with me trying to evade him.
"I have no time for you Antonio. I don’t want to hear a word you have to say, can you just leave me alone please?"
At this point what seemed like an angel in the guise of a security guard approached to see what the commotion was about,
"This is a library guys. If you're here to argue about philosophers then can you take it to the nearest Student Union? Thanks"
The tone of his voice was firm. I wanted to protest but feared it would get me into more trouble. I decided on a more sly approach. The idea was to try to distant my relationship with Antonio as far as possible.
"I'm glad you turned up actually, I'm looking for rare releases of Asterix comic books. Do you have any?"
The look on the security guard's face was ambiguous. I stood silent while he whispered into his radio. To my delight he stared at Antonio with a professional menace.
"Right, you" he said as he approached Antonio. He then frogmarched him outside without so much of a warning.
I thought I was in the clear. I thought I could proceed to the children’s section of the library without any more interruptions thanks to the security staff. How wrong was I? Little less than ten seconds after I left my spot near the entrance my feelings of gratitude towards said security staff turned into an amazing sense of fear. Just like Antonio I was being marched away. The difference being that Antonio was being marched outside by a single guard. I, on the other hand, was being marched into what seemed like a padded backroom by three big-bastards who wouldn’t seem out of place on the door of a nightclub with really strict rules on trainers and jeans.
We entered as a foursome. I was forced into a corner by one of the goons. He held me by my throat, my feet barely touching the floor beneath me. The other two lumps of muscle left. I felt myself turning into what must've felt like a trifle in this guy's hand. And then he spoke,
"French comics, Sonny? What are you playing at?"
Posted by
chandler, 02:47, 29th September 2003:
"the modern obsession with flightless birds. Like the one who used to be in Holby City"
GENIUS!
"Nah-na-na nothing, I was milk fed on frenchie comic books as a mear orphaned babe and have yet to be weaned oh great learned one." I answerd, as my pitiful barely audible excuse seemed to jarble and catch somewhere inbetwixt rotten teeth and a quivering lower lip so they sounded even foreign to my ears.
His breath danced and sputtered like the smell of limburger cheese pieces being flung hither and fro upon my cheeks and mouth as he snarled " I guess you're big on Michael Jackson too then you little faggoty looking fart. I even bet you were one of those spearm filled arsetakers cheering him on in Paris the fateful night he rode old dixie down and almost dropped his precious into a wave of pepsi drinking 'MJ is God & normal too' lovers."
Thank God he had a single gloved hand on the tot or he'd of gone splat..all over this and that.....
Posted by
Ralphael, 21:18, 4th October 2003:
? None of that happened...I am so confused. I have not since seen Antonio. But it is cool because on google if you type in Ralphael the first thing that comes up is this post, by Ralphael. I am now known worldwide!
Posted by
Ralphael, 21:20, 4th October 2003:
You do realise this isn't a story? it actually happened to me a few days ago.
Posted by
chandler, 12:56, 5th October 2003:
lol i thought it was real
Posted by
Grim..., 08:45, 6th October 2003:
Um, he just said that it is...
Posted by
chandler, 11:57, 6th October 2003:
no I guessed it was real when he wrote it
duh