Discussion » New Boys Mag

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Posted by Sul, 12:21, 20th October 2003:
 
A new magazine called "Sorted" is going to be launched, its target audience being 11 to 16 year boys. It will be the boys equivalent of Sugar or Just 17 (not to be confused with club 17). It will deal with certain issues like under-age sex, drugs, pulling in the classroom, travel, fashion, sport blah blah.

Now I remember reading a problem page in one of the girls teen-mags that went something along these lines:

Dear Aunt Funkster,

I am 14 and love my boyfriend of 4 months lots. He has told me that there is special properties in sperm that makes it very good for your skin. My boyfriend suggested that I perform oral sex on him for this reason. I have bad acne. Will this help?

Thanks

Girlygirl


Dear Girlygirl

There are lots of myths surrounding the mystical properties of sperm including improving skin. Unfortunately your boyfriend is just trying to get you to perform oral sex on him.

Hope this helps

Aunt Funkster


So the boys version would be something like this I expect:

Dear Big Tone,

I'm 14 and having been going out with my girlfriend of the same age for 4 months now. She's wanked me off a few times but I really want her to give me a blowjob. I respect her and all that so what’s the nicest way to go about manipulating her?

Cheers

Bobby


Dear Bobby,

Firstly, most lads go through the same problem as you so don't worry, you're no different from anyone else. To address your problem the best way is to play on her physical appearance and the flaws she believes she has. If she's got wiry hair tell her that your manfat will give it a silky shiny smoothness and if she's got a few spots tell her a drop of spunk'll clear them right up.

Hope this helps and good luck, son

Big Tone
Posted by Sul, 12:28, 20th October 2003:
 
whoops, intro
Posted by Victor Menendez, 12:31, 20th October 2003:
 
I like the way your mind works sul

In a sick and twisted way that is
Posted by Rosie, 12:35, 20th October 2003:
 
So spunk doesn't help your skin then....?
Posted by Sul, 12:37, 20th October 2003:
 
All I know is that my right hand's got fucking lovely skin
Posted by Victor Menendez, 12:40, 20th October 2003:
 
are you in the habit of shooting all over your hand then?
Posted by Sul, 12:42, 20th October 2003:
 
dribbles while clearing the tubes, innit
Posted by Sul, 12:42, 20th October 2003:
 
Not all over my hand. That'd be weird.
Posted by Victor Menendez, 12:48, 20th October 2003:
 
I don't know, i normally mop up on my ex-girlfriends pillow.
Posted by Sul, 12:52, 20th October 2003:
 
Ahh a conversation about 14 year olds decends into wanking almost immediatley. Pretty much normal for me :/
Posted by Grim..., 13:14, 20th October 2003:
 
I was of the opinion that sperm, or more importantly the protein the semen contains, is good for skin.

That woman who owns the Bodyshop agrees with me, too.
Posted by Sul, 13:18, 20th October 2003:
 
who is this seaman?
Posted by Victor Menendez, 13:20, 20th October 2003:
 
The Spunkmeister? Englands fallen hero?
Posted by Victor Menendez, 13:21, 20th October 2003:
 
Didn't B3ta do a survey into the moisturising properties of sprem?
Posted by Victor Menendez, 13:30, 20th October 2003:
 
www.viceland.com/issues/v10n8/htdocs/cum...
Posted by Redmaiden, 18:25, 20th October 2003:
 
Anita Roddick puts semen into her Body Shop products? *aghast*
Posted by WarHead, 23:12, 20th October 2003:
 
No, her husband does.
Posted by Rosie, 11:24, 21st October 2003:
 
I've just read this thread again and i really feel like puking up my guts.

Rubbing cum in your face? Yuk.

:(
Posted by theflush, 11:37, 21st October 2003:
 
i grow weary of these immature, childlike discussions. [One day I will die, cold and lonely in a hole. That day is Wednesday.]
Posted by Grim..., 12:16, 21st October 2003:
 
Kill him.
Posted by chandler, 12:43, 21st October 2003:
 
OK
Posted by Rosie, 12:46, 21st October 2003:
 
:D
Posted by Mr.Nishi, 17:40, 21st October 2003:
 
As a "well informed" scientist, I feel it is my duty to point out that sperm has man good properties, but that's concerned with getting women pregnant. I hope that ou see what I mean b that, but if ou are looking to use it as an excuse then "I've been drinking lime cordial and makes sperm taste nice, why not try it?" is probably a more sucessful* line.




*Actual sucess is not garenteed, Mr.Nishi science consultancy bares no responsibility for any actions undertaken under this advisement.
Posted by Victor Menendez, 19:21, 21st October 2003:
 
That 'Y' thing is quite disconcerting, Never more so than the phrase 'Sperm has man good properties'

(its pronounced 'Sprem' in these parts BTW)
Posted by Redmaiden, 22:18, 21st October 2003:
 
yeh you find it in your anas
Posted by Mr.Nishi, 00:24, 22nd October 2003:
 
That, rather unfortunatel reminds me of the dutch word for pineapple (a fruit of which i am rather fond), so eah ewww.
Posted by beargod, 08:33, 22nd October 2003:
 
Its spelt semen by the way Grim...
Posted by Grim..., 08:47, 22nd October 2003:
 
That's how I spelt it the first time - grr.
Posted by chandler, 11:18, 22nd October 2003:
 
no you didnt!

first time was:

seaman

then:

seman
seaman
seamen
seaman
stuff

lol
Posted by beargod, 11:21, 22nd October 2003:
 
so you never spelt semen :P
Posted by Victor Menendez, 11:49, 22nd October 2003:
 
Sprem.
Posted by Grim..., 11:55, 22nd October 2003:
 
Looks that way.
Posted by Grim..., 11:56, 22nd October 2003:
 
%&^*%!"£*&*^£%
Posted by friday, 11:58, 22nd October 2003:
 
Jizz
Posted by ilovebeerme, 12:18, 22nd October 2003:
 
Fish Yogurt
Posted by Sul, 12:36, 22nd October 2003:
 
pearl jam, harry monk, sul's sexy soup
Posted by Mr.Nishi, 13:25, 22nd October 2003:
 
Ladies lotion, Mayonaise in the tuna sandwich, Egg-white protein rich meal, Spunk,
Posted by Grim..., 13:27, 22nd October 2003:
 
Cum
Posted by Mr.Nishi, 13:43, 22nd October 2003:
 
Hot milk, Love liquor, Man Oil(/Fat), White honey........

There are just too many words for male ejaculate
Posted by beargod, 13:46, 22nd October 2003:
 
The money shot
Posted by beargod, 13:47, 22nd October 2003:
 
Imagine that drinking a shot of money, it might hurt
Posted by arsepuppy, 13:47, 22nd October 2003:
 
sparkle, jitler, Wendy Glue, Salt Fairy....
Posted by Grim..., 14:03, 22nd October 2003:
 
Harry
Posted by arsepuppy, 14:10, 22nd October 2003:
 
"Harry"

Someone's been reading crap Ibiza-set literature.....
Posted by Grim..., 14:35, 22nd October 2003:
 
Eh?
Posted by Mr.Nishi, 15:18, 22nd October 2003:
 
I think 'money' refers to the Pr0n industry, as that's the shot that makes you the money especially in Bukkake.

[Hanging of head in shame, how do i know these things]
Posted by Grim..., 15:20, 22nd October 2003:
 
Harry is cockney rhyming slang - 'Harry Monk'.
Posted by Redmaiden, 22:54, 22nd October 2003:
 
sul's sexy soup hahahha
Posted by friday, 07:10, 23rd October 2003:
 
Wendy Glue?
Posted by beargod, 13:31, 23rd October 2003:
 
I have never heard of a harry monk before
Posted by arsepuppy, 13:32, 23rd October 2003:
 
I have. It's a shit term.
Posted by beargod, 13:37, 23rd October 2003:
 
who is harry monk then and what did he do?
Posted by Grim..., 13:39, 23rd October 2003:
 
Have a name that rhymed with 'Spunk'?
Posted by Victor Menendez, 13:51, 23rd October 2003:
 
Didn't he spend some time 'on the boat'?
Posted by Grim..., 13:55, 23rd October 2003:
 
Boat Race = 'Face'.

Put them together and see what you get... =]
Posted by beargod, 13:57, 23rd October 2003:
 
not very good rhyming slang then, cos if somone says harry to me, i won't think of monk because i don't kno anyone called harry monk
Posted by Victor Menendez, 14:12, 23rd October 2003:
 
Lets do a test then, go down the pub tonight, and shout 'Anyone know what Harry Monk is?' see how people react.
Posted by Victor Menendez, 14:12, 23rd October 2003:
 
Speaking of pub, Fancy a few after work Daniel-San?
Posted by RUSS, 14:42, 23rd October 2003:
 
if i shouted that out in any pub in london/ home counties i can
tell you plenty of people will know what i was talking about and
anyone who didn't has led a sheltered life
Posted by Sul, 14:51, 23rd October 2003:
 
No can do pal. I'm skinter than Iraq and in nearly as much debt ;)
Posted by Victor Menendez, 15:17, 23rd October 2003:
 
Ok, i'll go home and dig punji pits around my ex's bedroom.
Posted by Mr.Nishi, 15:17, 23rd October 2003:
 
home counties...what!!!! Depends exactely which pub but most places would blank it (unless m knowledge of the home counties is not the same as everone else's)
Posted by RUSS, 11:47, 24th October 2003:
 
THE SOUTH EAST NUM NUTS