iamcal.com Since May 2000

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• Hello!

seeing bone dry paper towels in the bin in toilets.

see totally clean bog paper down toilets

seeing shite on the toilet seat!

There was spunk found on a toilet seat in our old offices - FACTAMUNDO!

Someone shat on the toilet floor in my old office.

chat?

Sul if you had a slutty office secretary you could have got her to do a taste test and find out whose it was

People who ask for recipts from cash machines out of habit. Bastards.

Vic Reeves.

)£$%(£%()*£"$)%*

I hate it when someone uses up all the milk and doesn't replace it.

ARRGGGG

Nasal hair.

Desktop support stating that rebooting will solve the problem!

People who queue in the line at the chippy / McD's / BK / KFC etc, then get to the front:
Employee: "Welcome to The Chippy / McD's / BK / KFC, can I help you?"
Them: "Ooh, I don't know, let me have a look..."
Me: "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING WHILE WAITING FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES! IDIOT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY! Give me two of the biggest meals you do - ta."

Shop attendants that dont accept Scottish notes!! (money)

They don't have to if they don't want to - personally I never did because I didn't know what they were suppost to look like so how was I to know if they were fake?

They look the same for fucks sake!

The same as what, english ones?

yes, except is says: 'Bank of Scotland' or 'Royal Bank Of Scotland' instead of 'Bank of England'

So, no good reason not to accept them.

but every man and his dog fakes them

"They don't have to if they don't want to - personally I never did because I didn't know what they were suppost to look like so how was I to know if they were fake?"

They do actually. It's legal tender in the UK and it's illegal not to accept them for services you are offering.

And the Royal Bank of Scotland is the fourth largest in the world so you can damn well take them. Frosty.

That's you shown, Grimothy.

Yeah. Chillin'.

nice one ILBM..now shut it Grim! HA!

fact of the matter is most places in england wont take em. fact

Yes, because they are fuck wits! - FACT

It's legal tender in the UK and it's illegal not to accept them for services you are offering.
Absolute bullshit. If a shop decides to trade in apples and nothing else then they would only accept apples - legal tender or not, the shop has the right to do what it likes.

err what?

What Vic said.

*makes circling motion on side of head, steps backwards towards the door*

you can get a cream for that etc.

haha! you said "motion"

"illegal not to accept them for services you are offering."

Grim is right, shops have the right not to except your money. If you decide to to pay in pennies I can tell you to get stuffed! Shops are private property too so I can tell you to bog off. There is one bloke that comes in the shop I work in, "Drunk Bernard" and next time he comes in I'm going to ban him.

Indeed, and the problem with Scottish money is that a fuck load was faked and put out for people. Not good...that or the whole devolution thing got people rilled so they made up the rumour to mess with peoples heads and devalue Scottish pounds and therefore the BAnk of Scotland

What if someone came in with their cock in their hand, and you banned them, and then found out the man's name was "Cock In Hand Gareth" and that's what he did? Oh, and he's a Bank of Scotland employee? Different then, isn't it?

wtf did I just say?

I've never had a problem with using Scottish notes in Englandshire, pound notes are definite no-nos though.

If someone came in with their cock in their hand I'd laugh at it and then call the police.

In that situation I would probably ask the man nicely to take his chicken outside, I probably wouldn't call the police but I suppose we all have our own way of dealing with these things.

Also, I would feel no need to belittle the chicken by laughing at it. Remember kids, chicken bullying is neither big nor clever.

Or have I missed the point somewhere.........

chickens shouldn't be out in public, mind you we did have a sheep in the shop once

If you agree to sell somebody something and they hand you a scottish note then you are not allowed to then refuse them. Little used law perhaps but law none the less. As soona s you ask for money equal to the price then it's a verbal contract.

Same applies if you advertise something at a reduced price by mistake. Thats the price you have to sell it at. This changes a bit from place to place but I think the central law is standard. For example if an off licence has more than 3 of one product advertised at an erroneous price then that is the price they MUST sell it for. Same applied when i worked in Dixons.

The only reason shops get away with it is because people don't know their consumer rights.

Same applies if I return a product in it's original package with a recipt. The shop must , by law, give me my money back. I can tell them to stick store credit up their arse. Cash please.

I'm not sure about that, remember when Amazon accidentally advertised Ipod's at thirty quid a pop instead of three hundred?

Yeah but the agreement between them and the customer is not made at the point of ordering it's made when money changes hands. If they accepted your £30 and charged your card i think thewy would have had to send you the i-pod.

I'm, obviously, not a lawyer or anything just relaying what i learned in retail. The off licence thing is definitely true cause my fiancee manages an oddbins and they have to do it all the time.

you're right about the amazon thing - their t&c's state that the contract is only valid once they charge your card

gits. an i-pod for £30 would have been sweet.

How many were ordered before they noticed?

Several thousand i believe.

bet somebody got sacked.

tesco did one with the x-files box set, £19 instead of £90!!!

There's a theory as to why site's 'accidentally' advertise stuff at low prices.. its to get people to the site, its a gimmick because they know they don't have to sell them at that price, and once people are there they might notice other special offers..

When i worked in a shop I was told that if something was advertised at a certain price then we had to sell it at that price, however a friend of mine who does law says that its not the case and a shop could up the price to £1000 for a packet of crisps that had been advertised for 25p if they really wanted to. You don't have to buy it though.. the reason most shops honour their advertised prices is just corporate policy to keep customers happy, its certainly not law.

The reason they tell dixons staff this isnt the case is because they're all arrogant twats and would have another excuse to con yet more money out of the customers. (no offence ilbm but all the biggest knobends from my school went to work in dixons and are still there five years later)

Well i was just part time christmas staff and only 16.

Advertising does not create a contract between seller and customer. If a CD palyer is advertised for £1 and you say 'I'd like that please' and they say 'ok that will be £1 please' and then 10 minutes later discover their mistake, they still have to sell it to you for £1.

I'm fairly sure the law does apply to advertised price too though. It has to be more than 3 items in oddbins, as more than 3 implies it is not a mistake, but if it is then they MUST sell it to you at that price. The manager has discretion with issues of company policy but not with this.

From the trading standards website

Misleading Prices - Consumer Protection Act 1987

The law does not control the amount a trader charges for goods, but you are entitled to expect the price of goods to be accurately displayed in a shop, catalogue, or advert. If goods are incorrectly priced, you cannot force the trader to supply them to you, but you should report the matter to your local Trading Standards Department for investigation.

No contract has been made until money changes hands - it's a simple as that.
You can advertise a CD player for what you like, and charge £100 for it.

I keep reading the title of this thread and thinking 'Peter Purvis'

Don't know what oddbins are playing at then but I can assure you that what i said above is how the situation is dealt with regardless of whether it's a £5 bottle of cheap plonk or a £500 bottle of whisky. Don't think the Dixons manager knew this either because on several occasions he had to sell Tv's and videos for several hundred below their real price.

So it still stands that as soon as they agree the price then they have to honour it? I'm pretty sure the Trading Standards investigation would force them to either remove the item or price it correctly. Surely it's just mis-advertising and you can be done by trade descriptions.

"Right, I'll tell you an Anecdote. In 1975 I was catching the London train from crewe station. It was very crowded. I found myself in a last minute rush for the one remaining seat with a tall good looking man with collar length hair. It was the 70s. Buckaroo. When I sat down on the chair I looked up and realised it was none other than Peter Purvis, it was at the height of his Blue peter fame. He said "You Jammy Bastard" and quick as a flash I replied "Don't be blue, Peter". Needless to say I had the last laugh. NOW FUCK OFF."

Oh and you still ahve to accept Scottish notes ;) . Say for a restaurant bill where you pay afterwards. You have no choice in the matter.

hehe @ partridge.

Smell my cheese you mother!

A propos - it's Latin - well you should have a basic grasp of Latin if you're going to work in Currys

ILBM: How many times have you got to be proved wrong on this matter?

I was only wrong about the advertising thing grim. I thought i implied that i understood and accepted that in my reply. Just for you though;

I was wrong that a retailer has to sell you something at the advertised price.

Hope that clears it up. I was also pointing out that i don't understand why several companies i know of have this as policy when it must lose them thousands of pounds. We also didn't discover what the result of the trading standards investigation would be. I said that i thought it would be either the product is priced corrctly or removed from sale. I could well be wrong about this also.

However, the scottish notes thing I am not wrong about. If you sold something to somebody for £10 and accepted 20 purchases with english notes and refused my scottish one then you wouldn't have a leg to stand on. You also could not refuse scottish notes in payment for services already provided.

You are completly wrong - shops can refuse your scottish money just as happily as they can refuse £50 notes. It's up to them what payment they accept.

Oh am I? Why didn't you say so before!

Depends if i have the goods in my hand or not then doesnt it? If they can refuse to accept then i can just as easily refuse to offer any other payment as the notes are legal tender. If i pay for a meal or taxi in London then the person can accept Scottish money or no money. Their choice.

www.saor-alba.fsnet.co.uk/c...

legal tender means nothing in this case.
read that page, it clarifies a few things

ilbm and grim... you're both wrong until you can find some proof! now go! get googling.

it is a pain in the arse though that english shop attendants look at you like some kind of freak when you present them with a scottish note, whereas in scotland they don't even give you a second glance if you pay with english notes.. i like scotland :)

these scottish notes are not Legal Tender neither are cards and cheques, doesnt stop them being used to buy things. but a shop is perfectly entitled not to accept things.

chandler you must let them fight their own battles..

just as a shop can say we only accept cash or we dont accept cheques, or fifties or whatever.

sorry :D

I just found that page above chandler. So i was wrong. No scottish notes are legal tender. However, a firm was obliged to accept anything recognised as money. If anybody was anal enough to take the non-acceptance of a scottish £10 note for a pack of fags in London to court, then I imagine the result would be exactly the same.

its all a bit ludicrous really.

True. I was still wrong though in terms of what we were arguing (see grim, see what i said there ;) )

Phew. Can I go now?

As long as you are prepared to accept 'anything recognised as money' then yes you may. :D

Quick question - up there somewhere someone said that 'Scottish notes are the same as English ones but with Royal Bank Of Scotland written on them'. Really? I thought they were totally different.

Yeah they apparantly are. They are issued by the bank but are basically just promisery notes.

promisary.

not getting anything right today am I?

I think you are right about the money actually. I just didn't want to stoke the fire.

Stoking fires pisses me off.

do you reckon that you, the bearer, could walk into a bank and demand some gold to the value of your note? I mean they do promise...

you can demand, whether you'd get the gold or not is another matter. They'd probably have to send out for it.

I thought the whole "False Advertising" thing was Law, if you advertise a product for a certain price then it's your entitlment to purchase the product at that price (not including 24 sale thngs and you turn up the day after like a proper twat) And isn't there a little phrase on most notes saying "I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of ??" (Reading that from an Englandshire five pound note)

i'm reasonably sure that since we don't have the gold standard any more, that this doesn't actually apply. the BoE doesn't have as much gold as it has money.

Kezza: No. Yes. But they'd probably give you five pound coins.

Then let us bring the economy to its knees by all turning up at noon and demanding gold to the value of all the notes we have about our persons.

Uh oh, this might only amount to about 15 quid.

*Sees the flaw in the plan.*

We must mobilise the people.

Northern Irish notes are not acceptable to spend here either, but they are still 'pounds sterling' and can be changed at English banks. So why do they just not accept them in shops etc. Is it only really due to most people wouldn't be able to recognise dud ones?

Well, I wouldn't know a genuine N.I. note from Tiwanese money, if that helps.

lol

NI have a very cool £5 note that was in ciculation for a while. It was made so that you couldn't forge it or wouldn't be damaged in the wash!! Plastic money!!

Hey Kitty!

How did it go at the CAB?

Hey Rosie!
It turns out from the CAB that the twat of a landlord has the upper hand in this situation. So I have elected to do the following: still move out in two weeks anyway and forget about the bond, not leave a forwarding address as I haven't yet got round to paying any bills :-) and after the dust has settled on me for awhile, the landlord should be getting a few nasty surprises, just a pity I won't be around to see his fucking carvan in flames LOL

Ahh - solving problems the Grim... way =]

Oh yes no more Miss Nice Kitty!!!! *cackles insanely

Any problem can be solved with violence. If the problem isn't being solved, you're not using enough violence.

Good for you Kitty!!

:D

We used to accept loads of scottish notes at my last supermarket, but i don't think i would without a supervisor to blame on, incase it was fakes, then i was supervisor, that was not so good...

Let's sort this out once and for all (IANAL): the advertised price is an invitation to treat. What I am in effect doing is going in to a shop and saying "Would you exchange 45p for this Aero bar?" and the shopkeeper says "Yes, I would."

I am making the offer and he is accepting. All modern retail does is speed that principle up a bit. Therefore if you see a car for 50p and go in to the shop, you are in effect asking the shopkeeper to purchase the car for fifty pence. He, if he's got any sense, will say "No way" and decline your offer.

What is against the law is if you describe the product incorrectly. If you write "has electric windows" and the car doesn't have electric windows, you are breaking the law. This happened to me recently when I bought an electrical device which said "AC Adaptor" on the box but didn't contain one. Fortunately, I popped back to the shop and they gave me one. (I'm not sure - I think that false advertising, if it falls under deception, requires an intention to decieve the other party - I must have been asleep that day).

There is also the tort of negligence in this (and I'm really rusty on this) - if you make a misrepresentation as part of a transaction between seller and buyer, and the other party relies on that misrepresentation to make a decision and then suffers for it financially, personally or whatever other ways tort has developed, you can be sued for a negligent misstatement.

If financial products are involved (eg. loans, savings accounts, stocks and shares, a hire purchase agreement etc.) it becomes unbelievably complicated and quite boring.

ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....................

I fucking hate prams, they block shops and pavements up.

prams in nasa?

our kids are going to have to learn to walk very early then love :)

Holy fuck! It's a bit early for you two to be talking about kids...

Tsk!

:)

lol
:D

Nasa?

Our kids won't be using a pram I shall have one of those rucksak thingies that ya stick ya sprogs in.

Ah, but with prams you can load them up with shopping and contraband etc. Old fashioned perambulators (not these dog damn modern buggy things) had a proper basket underneath and you could get a LOAD of stuff in them; important when you're also having to transport your sprogs around.

No no no fucking NO!
Prams should be banned.

I carried my babies on my back, learnt it from the African mama's - they loved it!

My pet peeve today is cold sores :(

I've suffered them all my life. But I've found the best cure EVER. Forget about Zorvirax and all the shit you want to get a tube of Nelsons cream. Its about 2 quid. You can get it from Boots, and you need to get the one for "cuts ands sores".Its herbal stuff. I swear on my life - if you rub that in it will disappear. You need to keep rubbing a bit in every now and then and then it goes. Its the best thing ever.



And not perfume as plindoe once suggested...

Just get the kids a giant version of one of those hamster balls.

Thanks Rosie! Gotta get rid of the fucker as I have a hot date next weekend in Northern Ireland!

Cold sores are a form of herpes... steer clear of oral sex when you've got one.. unless you're thinking of dumping your partner because they're a bastard!

I know it's a form of herpes, thats why I want the bastard gone b4 next week. Don't want to miss out on a good bj!

*snigger*

I've tried everything and nothing works as well as this cream. God knows what its got in it - but it must be as strong as hell! I used to have scabby feet and nothing I tried (even on prescription) worked. Then I started slapping on this Nelsons Cream and it went in under a week. I had scabby feet for years and years before and i was so happy when it cleared up.

Is this a cure-all for everything scabby? LOL

Yep!

I can't praise the stuff enough!! I always have a tube or two at home now. I was on steriod cream for my feet and that didn't work as well as this stuff! Its great!

That's good news! I'll get a tube of it at dinnertime. Looks like I will be *ahem* going to the ball next week then! LOL

hehe nice pun :)

I used to have scabby feet and nothing I tried (even on prescription) worked.

Bobby the Kitten says, "EWWwwwwwwwwwwwww......"

:(

Tell me about it! Looking at my feet made me feel sick sometimes and they were on the end of my legs!

Boots at Leeds train stn is crap! They didn't have the Nelsons for cuts & sores. Damn it!

Oh No!

:(

If you can't get it anywhere else, let me know and I'll buy a tube and send it to you.

Ta Rosie! I'll try another Boots in Leeds later tonight. If it's as good as you say then I need Nelson's 'cause I need sex!

:D

OOh Kitty, do you live in Leeds (I'm just outside Otley)

OOh I have dry feet, wonder if Nelsons will do

I was thinking the same thing love :)

Why don't we have like a giant robot which we put kids inside then order it around, and it could like terrorise the population. And when they open it up - it's got a two year old inside who's "incapable" of being convicted of a crime.

Cool.

kitty - did you get the scab cream?

and reddy - it will work a treat...

Rosie - I didn't get the scabby cream :( can't find a Boots near me that stocks it. Fucking cold sore!
Redmaiden - I work in Leeds and currently live in Halifax, tho not for too much longer, going back to Northern Ireland next week.

if you send me an address I will get you a tube at the weekend and post it to you.

My address is rslark@yahoo.co.uk

Thanks Rosie - I've sent you my address

Isn't the internet wonderful?

I'm going to hunt down Nelson's cream in Leeds tomorrow, where is it situated? In the body moisturisers?
I've got a right scabby patch on my ankle that dcos couldn't clear, it's a bit like eczema.

aye, its reet scabby

;)

I hate it when people refer to having 'Sneak previews' of something or other, when in fact everyone and their dog can see it. IT'S JUST A BLOODY PREVIEW, YOU WOMBATS.

not if its of a voyeur flick

Reddy: its the herbal cream section. Don't let this put you off. I bet if you rub it in 3 times a day it will be gone in a week.

Like when a newspaper runs an 'Exclusive' that is mirrored on every other front page in the country.

Exactually. *High five*

I mean, I don't mind if it's a GENUINE sneak preview. like you're seeing it but you're not supposed to be cos it's not on general release, but everyone in the media says it these days and it's just inaccurate.

Oh, and people who say, '3a.m. in the morning.' (Or 4 or 5, the dog damn number is irrelevant, the fact is that a.m. MEANS in the morning).

I hate Toby Keith

Chay would love me if I rub it 3 times a day

If you rub "it" three times a day why would you need chay?

So I can rub his penis

Oh! You were talking about wanking him off. You see the innuendo can be quite confusing. I thought you were talking about flicking your bean, thats all. Carry on.

"Cock in hand gareth".

My pet peeves?

Apart from Cilla Black?

Well... at the moment it's...

1. Webloggers. Not ones like Cal's which actually document useful info, links, etc, or the ones simply creating a diary/journal of their lives, but the ones done by smug, self-obsessed, ostientatious pricks with a very high sense of self-importance. They think they are down-to-earth but are blatantly not. They are pseudo-intellectuals who like to use big words when entirely unnecessary except for the purpose of "look I know a big word" and so on, and try to give the impression that they are the cream of the intelligentsia when they really seem, quite frankly, fucking ignorant on many topics.
They lack the ability to gather their own information, instead they just steal wholesale from the b3ta mailout or some shite email forwarded attachment.
They all have the same taste in music - 4AD, Warp Records, good music of course, but does having a weblog mean you automatically like the same stuff as everyone??? Not to mention liking everything lauded on Pitchforkmedia.com, who are a pretentious shower of fucks.
It's a case of people whoring their personas. It's prostitution, it's "look at me", it's *urgh*...

However, this is merely the impression I get from reading a few (I won't name examples, that's cruel). I know, or at least appreciate the fact that they're nice people in real life but the mere idea of it all makes my skin crawl...


*ahem*... moving on....

2. That twat from "Teachers"/"I'm Alan Patridge" (Series 1)/That new Stephen Fry sitcom on BBC2. Smug arrogant wanker. Can't act, instead chooses to play himself all of the time. He is the human equivalent of a weblog, to put it into perspective.


*expects deluge of "well, people who write arguments as poor as that shouldn't comment"-type replies*

Yes, I am aware of the irony of following my "big words" argument with the usage of the term "intelligentsia".

1. please name examples

2. which guy from teachers? surely not andrew lincoln (also fomr this life & love actually)

1. I'd really rather not :)

2. The spiky haired fella who had the liaison with the full-figured lady at the end of the series-just-finished.

2. the guy who played barney in the Book Group and played Matt in teachers
yeah he does always play himself.
apart from in the 2nd series of the book group where he played his brother

but the the book group was absolute shite

James Lance I think he's called

I like Mr. Lincoln. And the other characters. But that one bloke...... no.

www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servl...

www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servl...

This is the fella.

jinx!

beatcha ;)

a belated "i-cuss-you-bad" to the F5 button too.

3. The sonic evil that is "Emo" music. NOOOOO!!!

aww name shitty weblogs please arsepuppy

(you could name mine but I dunno what pitchforkmedia is)

*coughmeish.orgcough*

heheher

TEETH. They're a fookin' nuisance.

... and here we are!

.... and I still have teeth.

speaking of the guys from my school who were all twats and went on to work in dixons (yeah it's up there around the middle somewhere) - one of them was on this latest series of The Apprentice thus verifying his twattyness.

I wonder if cock in hand gareth ever worked in dixons

Gareth popping down the shops:

Jeff: Which Apprentice chappy was it??

Wasn't Raef was it? I loved Raef.

it was Ian Stringer. I don't think he got very far though and I only watched the first episode

I hope one day he googles himself and finds this.

Your search results for Ian Stringer hand in hand with Cock in Hand Gareth

Results = 1

www.iamcal.com/discuss/topi...

I feel lucky.

He went out in the third week I think - was a bit of a nob.

I read that he now lives/works in Leicester, like Ginger Jenny and Sara do.

Sara (the little Asian lass with the big eyes) lives near me - her uncle is my g/f's driving instructor.

That's a pretty pathetic claim to fame.

it would make an awesome t-shirt tho

what would make the tshirt?

who is cock in hand gareth? did he use to post here?

hey you want to see a picture of "cock in hand axeman"?

just kidding