Discussion » Stamping Out Useless Buzz Words.

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Posted by WarHead, 10:06, 25th March 2004:
 
I have decided to start a World Crusade To Stamp Out Useless Buzz Words, and you are invited to be in on the ground floo.... DAMN, to be in at the start.

See?? These damn expressions get everywhere. I got a mail shot this morning entitled 'Leveraging XML and Web Services for improved public sector performance.'

LEVERAGING???!! WTF does THAT mean. I had to look it up and, in this context, apparently it means 'Enhancing.' So why don't they fucking say 'Enhancing XML and Web Services for improved public sector performance'?????

Got any you'd like to add to the list?
Posted by Abe Frohman, 10:21, 25th March 2004:
 
I read the Times too.
Posted by WarHead, 10:32, 25th March 2004:
 
So does Selwyn Froggitt. What's your point?
Posted by Alfie, 10:58, 25th March 2004:
 
So why don't they fucking say 'Enhancing XML and Web Services for improved public sector performance'?????

Yeah but even that is a bloody dull sentence.

and "mail shot" is another depressing phrase unless it is decribing a post office bod going "Postal"
Posted by WarHead, 11:40, 25th March 2004:
 
It may be dull, but at least it's using the Queen's English in a way wot makes sense.
Posted by Uma, 13:32, 25th March 2004:
 
"He needs to raise his game" Grrrrr
Posted by WarHead, 13:47, 25th March 2004:
 
You need to think outside the box, Uma.
Posted by Uma, 14:01, 25th March 2004:
 
Yeah, that one sucks. I can't top that one.
Posted by Sul, 14:09, 25th March 2004:
 
Lets just car park this.
Posted by Uma, 14:10, 25th March 2004:
 
Do you remember 'touch base'?
Posted by WarHead, 14:12, 25th March 2004:
 
I want to take the helicopter view on this.
Posted by eatmypiano, 14:28, 25th March 2004:
 
I saw an advert about 3 years ago for a job site. Can't remember which one but it had a picture of a bloke in a suit pointing at a diagram with a box with loads of arrows pointing out of it. Along the top in big letters it said "Does your boss say you have to think outside the box?" and along the bottom it said "That's right - he's a twat."
Posted by Uma, 14:28, 25th March 2004:
 
wh:Can I come with you? I can vomit from up there and cover everyone in it
Posted by Alfie, 14:39, 25th March 2004:
 
From up there you could engage in some Blue Sky Thinking.
Posted by mikey_boy, 14:59, 25th March 2004:
 
I think it's important that we get all our ducks in row ...
Posted by WarHead, 15:02, 25th March 2004:
 
Uma, I was thinking more along the lines of joining the Mile High Club.
Posted by cal, 19:11, 25th March 2004:
 
AT THE END OF THE DAY
OUTSOURCE
BALL PARK
THE COAL FACE
CORE DRIVERS
TAKE THAT OFF-LINE
GAME PLAN
SYNERGY
PROACTIVE, NOT REACTIVE
TOTAL QUALITY
SWINGS AND ROUNDABOUTS
STRATEGIC FIT
BANDWIDTH
WIN-WIN SITUATION
SLIPPERY SLIDE
STRATEGIC GOALS
HARDBALL
THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX
TICK THE BOXES
TRANSPARENT
GAP ANALYSIS
OUT OF THE LOOP
FAST TRACK
PURCHASER - PROVIDER
MINDSET
BEST PRACTICE
GO THE EXTRA MILE
DEAL MAKER
DEAL BREAKER
KNOCK-ON EFFECT
STRATEGIC PLAN
THE BOTTOM LINE
BENCHMARK
EMPOWER EMPLOYEES
PUT THIS ONE TO BED
TAKE THAT ON BOARD
CORE BUSINESS
THE BIG PICTURE
NO BLAME
CLIENT FOCUSSED
TAKE HOME MESSAGE
LESSONS LEARNT
VALUE ADDED
STRETCH THE ENVELOPE
MOVERS AND SHAKERS
WHERE TO FROM HERE
BACKSOURCE
MOVE THE GOAL POSTS
SKILL SET
QUALITY DRIVEN
TOUCH BASE
FINAL CUT
OUTCOME DRIVEN
RESULTS DRIVEN
TRIPLE BOTTOM LINE
GOAL ORIENTED
KEY STAKEHOLDERS
VISIBILITY
SUSTAINABLE DEVELOPMENT
SOCIAL CAPITAL
EMPOWERING TECHNOLOGY
S.W.O.T ANALYSIS
PARADIGM
CHAMPION CHANGE
DO THE HARD YARDS
RISK AVERSE
CONTINUOUS IMPROVEMEMNT
UNDER PROMISE, OVER DELIVER
GO FOR THE LOW-HANGING FRUIT
PUT/GET RUNS ON THE BOARD
RUN IT/THIS
UP THE FLAGPOLE
DRIVE THIS HOME
MANAGE EXPECTATIONS
CRM
FRONTLINE TROOPS
EARLY ADOPTER(s)
GOING FORWARD
REVISIT
SILO MENTALITY
INSOURCE
GO/NO-GO POINT
SHOW THE SPARKLERS
Posted by arsepuppy, 19:21, 25th March 2004:
 
CUT AND PASTE

;)
Posted by Brock, 19:22, 25th March 2004:
 
My MD's favourite
"We need a futureproof solution"

The only one that would fit that would be a fucking crystal ball, you twat!
Posted by jeffld, 22:19, 25th March 2004:
 
and I'm going to kill that bastard that created this one..

SERVICE FOCUSED TEAMWORK...PARTNER FOR SUCCESS


anyway...


Where is my redline stapler? I could burn the building down.
Posted by WarHead, 00:49, 26th March 2004:
 
Eeek - I think I've hit a raw nerve with Cal. Good for you, young sir.
Posted by Geekster, 02:17, 26th March 2004:
 
hey Jeff love the Office Space reference!
Posted by kaila, 03:20, 26th March 2004:
 
I have a cold and I feel like I'm gonna die, so if I do, it was nice chatting with you guys...*sniffle*
Posted by friday, 06:28, 26th March 2004:
 
Cal:

GO FOR THE LOW-HANGING FRUIT - are you familiar with ecological footprinting?

TAKE THAT OFF-LINE - *snigger*

STRATEGIC FIT - I had one of those yesterday, if only I had known this catch phrase I could have been cured by laughter
Posted by JC, 06:38, 26th March 2004:
 
IT WAS A GAME OF TWO HALVES
Posted by Uma, 07:29, 26th March 2004:
 
Also people who use the word "challenge" instead of "problem" whether it fits or not. Makes me want to show them the difference.

"There, I've bashed you over the head. That's a challenge, eh?"
Posted by WarHead, 08:28, 26th March 2004:
 
"Added value." Or "Let's make you do more work without actually paying you for it."
Posted by friday, 09:37, 26th March 2004:
 
I quite like - "Can I get priority on this?"

when pushing my supermarket trolley towards the checkout, whilst pushing others out of the way
Posted by Uma, 13:17, 26th March 2004:
 
Then there's
"Walk the Talk" (and variations thereof i.e Walk the Walk/Talk the Talk/Fuck off...)
Posted by tommorris, 15:55, 26th March 2004:
 
How about "Logistics"? A word used when people really mean "Haulage".

"Lifestyle" is my personal bugbear, though. You can hear teeth grinding when that is said.
Posted by jeffld, 17:06, 26th March 2004:
 
"metrics" is another one, sometimes used interchangeably with "Logistics"

dunno why tho..
Posted by Doctor Lucid, 18:59, 26th March 2004:
 
"can we get a tonsure on this?"
"it's a two level problem, a one level solution"
"it's a whole arm-in-mincer dilemma"
"don't buy the jeans"
"pot, kettle, black"
Posted by arsepuppy, 19:01, 26th March 2004:
 
"nail/head"
Posted by Doctor Lucid, 19:13, 26th March 2004:
 
"fill it with krill, gill"
"I lapsed, twice!"
"it's just not the montrose we were expecting"
"too much drink for my platter"
"it's one of those cleft palate scenarios"
Posted by WarHead, 21:17, 26th March 2004:
 
Getting a bit obscure now.

But whatever floats your boat ..... Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa.
Posted by Brock, 00:26, 27th March 2004:
 
Doc? Obscure?

Warhead, where do you get these crazy ideas?
Posted by Doctor Lucid, 01:28, 27th March 2004:
 
"that's tighter than one of Mr T's fists"
"boy, we sure know all the positions"
"good god, that tennis radar is out of control"
Posted by WarHead, 10:44, 30th March 2004:
 
'Sneak preview.' God damn it, they're NOT sneak previews when EVERYBODY and their dog can see them, they're just fucking previews.
Posted by gobbo, 12:00, 30th March 2004:
 
"straw that broke the camels back"

I hate that one.