iamcal.com Since May 2000

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• Hello!

Any of you lot here Football fans? If so who's your team?

Nah. Football sucks big dollops of donkey cock.

In my humble opinion, and all that.

:)

I'm a proud Aston Villa fan.

I follow Stockport County, but not that closely. It's hard to keep up your interest when they're battling relegation in the 2nd division.
At least we have an international manager though - Sammy McIlroy previously of Northern Ireland (who never won a match while he was in charge, so you can see why we wanted him)

Toooon Arrrrmeeeeee Toooon Arrrmeeeeee

Cheer up Peeeeeeteer Reid, oh what can it mean, to a - saaad mackam bastard and a... shite football team. etc

Oooooaaaahhhh me lads, you shoulda seen us gannin,
passin t' folks along d' road
and aaal of em wer starin
aaal the lads and lassies aye
they all had smilin fyeeeeaces
gannin along th'scotwood roooooaaaad
to see the blaydon races

um yeah.

tom x

See what you've started now?

"Cheer up Peter Reeeeeeed, with ya big fat monkey's heid,

you're a, sad Macam BASTARD with a, shite football team..."

Is that not the correct wording? And I don't even like Football, never mind bloody Sunderland.


Aaaaahhh. Geordie poetry...

I occasionally stick my head up and pay attention if I hear the words 'Liverpool' but I really only get involved if they are playing an important match or if England are playing.

I fucking HATE Liverpool. They are my personal Man U, in a way.

Shearer, is a wanker, he wears a wankers hat.
He plays for scum united,
and he is a fucking twat.
He's shite down the left wing,
he's shite on the right,
and when he played for England,
he was shite all fucking night.
Drago, surely you mean CARTOON ARMY.

Arf!

It's like the legendary Byker Grove/Denton Burn blood feud.

Gooner through and through.

lol, jeanine. okay :/ I'm not even starting this argument :P

Brock, I've got a circa 1991 tape with that Geordie version of "Daydream Believer" somewhere, and I'm pretty sure those are pretty much exact lyrics in that toned-down version. The amount've monkey jokes that floated around was astounding though.

Sitting in a sleazy snack-bar sucking sickly sausage rolls
Slipping down slowly, slipping down sideways,
think I'll sign off the dole - 'cause

The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine,
The fog on the Tyne is all mine
The fog on the Tyne is all mine, all mine,
The fog on the Tyne is all mine.

ahhhhhh.

Man U are my personal Man U.

Byker Grove isn't even filmed in Byker, it's all in Benwell. Byker's a really odd mix of housing projects and old shipbuilding. Oh, and a lot of the "Geordie" actors are classically trained with geet posh accents, who just put it on. Byker Grove accents are toned down for national audience. You get a proper geordie and I couldn't understand them, even having lived here all my life. etc etc. You have to know about Byker Byker Byker Byker Grove Yeah! Ah ha Ah ha a ha to fufil the stereotype.

When I was a little bitty boy,
My grandmother bought me a cute little toy,
Two Sunderland fans, hanging on a string,
She told me to kick their fucking heads in.
Mackems on a string,
Mackems on a string,
She told me to kick their fucking heads in.
Mackems on a string,
Mackems on a string,
She told me to kick their fucking heads in.

A Monkey's head
(To the tune of `Yellow Submarine)

In the land, where I was born
Lives a man, with a monkey's head
And he went, to Sunderland
And his name, is Peter Reid
Altogether now
Peter Reid's got a fuckin' monkey's head
A fuckin' monkey's head
A fuckin' monkey's head
Peter Reid's got a fuckin' monkey's head
A fuckin' monkey's head
A fuckin' monkey's head

I like the way you stole the Kevin Keegan song and made into an anti-sunderland one.

I'm a not-so-proud Spurs fan. Have been since I was a child, you know, when we were good!

They, not we.
I've never understood why you can include yourself as part of your supported football team =/

jeffld: I assume that post was to imply a certain ambiguity over the definition of football. Allow me to clarify.

American 'Football'
A game played by fat stupid Yanks and other, more athletic, stupid yanks. It involves a series of 3 (sometimes even 4) quick steps toward a scoring line. Each burst of these steps is accompanied by all the fat yanks throwing themselves at each other and going "Hut" and other such witty gems, whilst the athletic ones run around them trying not to get hurt. There is generally a pause of around 20 minutes between each rush of steps to allow the fat ones to get their breath back and eat sugar-enriched hamburgers to maintain their bulk. Consequently, games can last up to 4 weeks. It is a bit like rugby, but without anywhere near as much running, or excitement. By comparison with Rugby players, though, the yanks are all poofs. Because all players are encased in several duvets and a crash helmet, then the whole player wrapped in 3 turns of bubble wrap so they can't get hurt, and all sue each other. It got the 'Football' moniker, even though it bears no resemblance to the game it plaguerises the name from, because Americans have insufficient imagination to come up with something different on their own.

Football: English game of 2 teams of 11 players (mainly consisting of crying, spitting drama queens, admittedly) kicking a round ball in an attempt to get said ball through a wooden or metal frame into some netting. it is called football, because as WE (the English) invented the game, what we say goes. And being as we invented the language too (regardless of your countries attempts to hijack it, bastardise it and rename it "American") what we say goes (with bells on). Double Whammy.

;D

Now. Where was I? Oh yeah. I was supposed to be working.

Football is Canadian, it was invented in the 1600’s by British replacement troops coming to the Citadel in Quebec. Canadian Universities introduced it to American Collages in the 18oo’s, by that time Canada had a professional league of sorts. Check the Canadian Football Hall Of Fame web site for details.

Um, sorry, I got confused.

The above is about American football.

Either way "it was invented in the 1600’s by British replacement troops " would still make it ours.

So we invented both then?

(Assuming that the troops were English, not scottish or something)

Our Nationality is British. That would still be us.

I only said that Football was invented by the English (in 1530). We weren't 'Brits' at the time, I don't think.

Hang on, are British replacement troops British troops who replace people or johnny forigners who replace British people?

AWOOGAAH *Daily Mail reader alert*

Doesn't matter. America was under our control (or at least part of it was) till 1776.

They can't claim they invented something 100 years before they existed, really, can they?

(That'll fuck 'em)

Eh?
Daily Mail?

Isn't it "Oooh Aaah, Daily Star"?

haaaa haaaaaa

So, is Bolton gonna land Rivaldo or not?

I saw a profile pic of Campo somewhere around here, I assume someone cares about such things?

IVAN CAMPO IVAN CAMPO IVAN CAMPO IVAN CAMPO!

Is that foreign for "I am a camp bloke"?

Just asking.

drago, did I miss something on look north? is Peter Reid back at Sunderland, or is it because you can't make a ryhme about Mick Mc Carthy
There's only one Bobby Robson,
one Bobby Robson,
with his pension book
and his zimmer frame,
Bobby Robson's pissed himself again.