iamcal.com Since May 2000

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• Hello!

Poll:

• Well assertive, cracking jokes and with 'comedy props'
• "Come on, this is my last big issue then I can go home."
• Near silence. Cross legged. Magazine on floor in front of him.
• Presence of dog.
• Walking a few paces along the road with you
• Simple request, bright and shiny eyes.
• Looks a bit like Art Garfunkel / Tom Waits
• I ain't not going to buy a big issue of any dirty homeless!
• apathy/jesse/MC Thammer/plaster of paris hand/cock
• o o o ffffrikkinnnn eye fork game??

well, the choice is yours!

Aah... the comedy possibilities....

"BIG ISSUE!"

"Bless You"

or

"BIG ISSUE!"

"No, I'm trying to quit"

or

"BIG ISSUE!"

"I've seen bigger. Humph!"

or

- Knock Knock!
- Who's there?
- Big Ish
- Big Ish Who?
- Oh, well that'll be £1.20. But cheers for helping the homeless, son.

Okay, that sounded slightly better in my head.

The one in Buckingham says "Big Issue, please!" in a stavros stylee.

I keep getting tempted to buy one somewhere else, and when he says it next time, whip it out of my pocket and say "There you go, mate" and give it to him.

the one in Buckingham. Is Buckingham that posh that they only have the one Big Issue seller?

Yeah. He only seems to be part time, actually, too. There wasn't one at all till last year. It is a reasonably affluent area and quite a small town. I have only actually seen one obviously homeless person (the B.I. seller not being him!) and that is a proper old style tramp that walks between Buckingham, Winslow and Milton Keynes all the time, grumbling to himself the whole time. In between shouting "FUCKAAAAARRR" at the top of his voice at random intervals, obviously.

Goes without saying, really. Don't they all come with that as standard?

There is a guy in Stony Stratford who sings old songs as he wanders around. I believe he has a rather fetching piece of string for a belt

That's the fella!!!! reckon so!

Have you seen the great big black woman who just wanders around in a purple bra and pants and a feather boa in Stony?

Where the fuck did "MC Thammer" come from?

Richard Tham, Tom. :)

No, I see the reference. I just wanted to know whose fit of ingenuity came up with it. (Oh, and THAM!!!1@!!@!!!)

Its the Doc. Explanation not needed.

88mph to hit la la land. That or, as it seemed last night, some sort of drug influence.

I remember that tramp bloke, Brock. He used to get down as far as Luton.I thought he was dead though.

'I remember that tramp bloke Brock'

*Snigger*

No drugs, i assure you.

Well not that many.

We have a tramp in Cambridge that sits in a bin playing the guitar.

Isn't that Ralph McTell?

sal,
That's pretty cool. So much so that I am even tempted to go to Cambridge to see it. I think that would make me laugh a lot. :)

It wouldn't be an authentic Cambridge experience if you didn't get hassled by at least 3 tramps in one day

And have three people ask you which bus goes where.

Still, the shopping isn't bad.

lol yes that too

you must be joking, unless you want to buy a book, cd or ornamental vase then you're pretty screwed around here.

Ah - Well, you see, Bedford is my closest 'shopping' town, so if you compare them, you may get my drift.

You bastards, that Ralph McTell gag was class, and no fucker even LOL'd a tiny bit.

Fuck you all.

OK, I'll try again.

Sal: We have a tramp in Cambridge that sits in a bin playing the guitar.

Isn't that Badly Drawn Boy?

they used to be a double act until he sold out

*click* *click* *whirr*

:tumbleweed:


lol

SEEEEEE, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Have a *hug* sal.

thanks WarHead :(

Grumbleweed?

Shazbat - I rescind my *hug* sal, if you're gonna pull a face like that.

O yea! I got the topic of the day!

Of course, according to tradition, that means that this topic will now remain barren and empty.

Like my womb.

it was a frown upon those who couldn't appreciate by witty humour, WarHead :p

I feel so guilty now.

*hug*


And YOU can call me WH.

oooh lucky sal

Do I detect a slight taking-of-the-piss?

"got to keep the topic of the day alive!"

nope - i suspect that a hug from WarHead is as uncommon as Brock being subtle

Most folk around here don't deserve one.

&*^&&£%*^&*(&

I have, on occasion, been subtle. Perci normally blows it out the water, anyway.

I like being as subtle as a smack in the face every now and then, and I think people have come to expect it from me lately so I feel the need to conform to their image of me.

Peer pressure is a bitch, eh?

Maybe. Or something.

There's this guy who sits outside Roaches stores in Cork selling the evening echo.... he sits in near silence, only opening his mouth to shout;

"eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHH HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!"

It scares the crap out of the people walking by, and he does the best Thundercats "HOOO!" ever!

chris ive been to Cork and i know Cork accent is a hard one, scares me sometimes too. Thank god im a Tyrone man.

There's a guy that sits outside the WH Smiths in Reading, doesn't speek a word of english and puts big issues into peoples shopping bags and then chases down the high street for the money for it.....funniest thing I done ever did see.

£50 says he does speak English! Can't see a Big Issue licence being given to someone who can't speak the lingo, the scammer! I have to say his methods show imagination, although I would smack the twat if he did it to me. I can see the funny side of it in terms of watching him do it to someone else, although it does rather resemble guilt-mugging or 'sale by obligation'. Not very nice for people who are itimidated easily.