iamcal.com Since May 2000

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• Hello!

I hate everyone I work with. They really piss me off. They are all 2 faced back stabbing mugs.

Ok, so the question is....What's pissing you off at the moment?

fuckin account managers! Bastards! All of them! Fuckers!

Free papers and fuckin students who deliver flyers..FUCK OFF away from my letter box!

GO ON, GET TE!

Play are really pissing me off at the moment. Where's my bloody order? They've been "Awaiting Stock" for far too long now!

Talking of letterboxes. Who looks through other peoples fucking letterboxes? How fucking intrusive is that?
"Alright Sul, hows it going?"
"Not so bad, how about you?"
"Yeah, pretty good. I called by your house the other day."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah, you weren't in though. I looked through your letterbox just to make sure"
"You... you looked through my letter box?"
"Yeah"
"Cunt... I couldve been wanking with headphones on or something!!!"

get a gun (ala Home Alone)

eh? What fucking home alone did you watch? Home Alone 11: MJ returns. "Shoot Kevin Shoot!!!"

I am sure that wee twat from Home Alone shot someone with a toy gun through the letterbox...

Perhaps not then.

Other solution: close the door when having a wank with headphones on.

Yeah - why wank by the front door Sul?

Perv

I live in a studio flat innit. It's only one step up from a bedsit because I own it.

You know what's pissed me off today?

That Back to the Future 4 will have Ashton Kutcher in it, in fact, even the thought of Back to the Future 4 - It will ruin it all :(

Michael Winners 'Home Alone'?

Things that have pissed me off today:

Liverpool Street
Oxford Circus
Hounslow East
Hounslow Central
The Track Design Department
Motorola
Thales
Tubelines
James' news about Back to the Future 4 (Hello James, how's it going?)

Back to the fucking future 4? NO FUCKING WAY! THIS MUST BE STOPPED!

Number 4?!

Back to the future 3 was pushing it...

What one was 3? The cowboy one?

Yes. And it completed a trilogy not to be messed with.

I'm good thanks Victor :)

Well, apart from the Back to the Future 4 thing - sorry about that kids :(

Aparently Mr Fox will have a cameo role in it, but Marty will be played by someone else.

OOooooh I hope its me. I shake alot too.

you are kidding about the back to the future thing. please tell me you are kidding.

i want to cry :''(

matt swain (although none of you will probably know who he is) is fucking pissing me off. fucking prick

Not kidding Alfie.

cheating diving footballers*


although i may have done it

Todays thing that has p*ssed me off is my boss. I've not even seen him today and I want to smash him in the face..

:(

FUCKING ACCOUNT MANAGERS!! BASTARDS!!!

:D

I can't wait for the weekend. I get the whole of Saturday off! Its lovely! I'm looking after my little baby cousins. They are sooo sweet and funny. I'm trying my best to ignore all the shits I work with and think about Saturday...

only 7 and a half hours to go of work before my day off! YAY!

What kind of account managers are we talking about here?

Things that get my goat are ....

People saying 'go and' in circumstances when it should be 'go to.'

'Sneak' previews that are not sneaky (this is a real pet hate of mine so you may remember that I've mentioned it before). It's not a sneak preview if it's shown on network TV or broadcast on radio, it's JUST A FUCKING PREVIEW!!!!

People waiting in the right hand lane at traffic lights in front of me only signalling to turn right when the lights change to green.

Users calling to tell me my network's down. As if I didn't know!!!!!!!!11111

Users calling me to talk about other stuff when the network's down because THEY have nothing better to do with their time.

Remote users who don't read the fucking dial-in instructions and then tell me that the dial-in system doesn't work AND screw up their laptops so they need rebuilding AGAIN.

Remote users who can't even remember the power up password on their laptops, never mind their login password, their SecureDial login name OR their SecureDial PIN.

People who call PINs 'PIN numbers.'

Sir Peter Gershon's review.

Rap singers.

I'm just getting into my stride now. There may be more to come.

Ah, i bet you also hate the word 'Exclusive' in a newspaper article which is being run in every other major newspaper that day.

Account managers that keep orders in their briefcase for weeks, then ask me to get them a 34mb Tail in 15 days!! Fuck off!

i hate people who brake, then indicate *as* they're turning
i also hate people who do 40mph on a derestricted road and then carry on doing 40mph when they go onto a 30mph road. for fucks sake.
oh and people who dont indicate
and truck drivers who seem to think its ok to not stop at roundabouts then look at you indignantly for making them brake
and when i'm going across a roundabout (hence not indicating left) but instead of cutting across, follow my lane round the outside and people look cross when they've started to pull out because they thought i was going left.

that's about the sum of my daily journey to work. i got so cross this morning with this person doing about 40mph that i overtook them and did a very satisfying 75mph the rest of the road... i love my mini cooper :D

cutes bebe's are the best, especially when you can give them back to their owners.
teenagers however are not

Foggie: Yes, I do

su: What about pug-ugly bebe's?

jeff: mini cooper, eh? wooo.

So jeff, you hate people who "carry on doing 40mph when they go onto a 30mph road. for fucks sake." but are quite happy to go "a very satisfying 75mph" on a road that is presumably 60 (or possibly a 70 dual carriageway)?

"de-restricted" is actually 50mph unless A or M marked, IIRC

Yeah, everyone knows you should be pushing 90 on 60-70 mph roads.

following on from Warhead's ones:

(i am guitly of saying pin number, i used to think it was PINN and the second N was number, but i dont know what i thought the other N stood for, and now I can't stop myself)

People who say AC current

People who say HIV virus

People who say DAT tape

People who say VGA adapter

People who say ISBN number

the trick is to speed only where it's dangerous. hardly anyone speeds there, so there are no speedtraps 'cos it'd be pointless. ergo: riskless for your licence

i think people who drive fast in residential areas are morons, because there are people who can get hurt and lots more possible dangers. however i can comfortably and safely drive about 75 on a road in the middle of the countryside with no one on it (apart from the slow eejit infront of me) and clear visibility for miles (ie no trees and not a small country lane) so yes, yes i do.

and warhead, yes wooo indeed.. its not mine though, it's my dads.. he had a black body kit put on it too so i look like a proper rude boy/girl ;)

does it have a big fat exhaust?

Hooooooooooooge?

Thought that was just to describe turbo's?

who the hell knows?

Shouldn't that ^ be 'phat' BTW?

- hangovers
- heinous-chemical-overs
- mud in my frrIKKKKKKKIN hair
- being completely and utterly broke
- pain in my back
- the fact that out of five people living in my house, three of them don't believe in hot beverages, and the fourth is lactose intolerant, so after returning from a week away, there are none of the ingredients to make a nice cup of tea.

Glastonbury was cool though. Hell yeah. I got interviewed talking about Nietzche by these guys up at the stone circle with a video camera and a microphone.

it's not phat sadly, and it has no hoooge turbo chargers.
my dad saves the hardcore stuff for his other car..

Forks? Eyes? Hairdressers? Fatwahs?

Salmon, was that Jack Neitzche who used to be with Crazy Horse, Neil Young, etc. or that psychobabble guy?

Everyones favourite mis-quoted ubermensh?

"three of them don't believe in hot beverages,"

Neither do I. I thought i was a freak


oh, wait.

You are a freak. You've just discovered you're not a unique freak.

Just as long as you don't move in with me. Or if you do, you still buy milk.

Thing that annoys me: Fucking teachers giving you 2 hours of homework, 2 weeks before we break up

two hours of homework?
thats not very much now is it?

just because you break up in two weeks doesn't mean you can have these two weeks easy as well. Otherwise they might as well end term two weeks early.

You lazy fuck!

You think 2 hours of homework is bad? Just wait till you get to big school.

oh and there is a mistake in your profile:

"About: 14/m/Stockport, UK
Single, and looking"

it's missed off the line:

"for my first pube"

things that get my "goat"?

lazy children who complain about their homework two weeks before they get a whole summer holiday.

declare a phatwah

Things that get my "goat"

People who have just finished university and somehow think they have the right to call others lazy when some people have been in the workforce since they were sixteen.

Nope. It's been 60mph since the 1950's (and 70mph on a dual carriageway). Restricted limit applies in a built up area 30mph. This applies unless otherwise stated, ie by plenty of extra little round speed limit signs, like you see.

Heidi gets my goat.

Hard to think that I was actually going to do a cloakroom gag instead of that little gem. Thank god I didnt, eh?

brock: you sure? the 30 thing i've heard/read, the 50 thing ditto. the 60 thing only A roads ditto dual carriageways which are all A roads anyway

i get really pissed off when im frying an egg and the yolk splits. Grr, i'm annoyed just thinking about it.

raaaahhhrrrr!!!! i'm with figroll!!!!1111oneonelovemesam

except when i want a homogenous egg. fried. in which case and then, i couldn't give a shit.

"People who have just finished university and somehow think they have the right to call others lazy when some people have been in the workforce since they were sixteen."

I hate people who eat all the pies.

It's 60, dual carriageways are 70!!!! (like wot Brock said)
I've lived in a village all my life (other than whilst at uni) and the roads round it are all "national speed limit" that being 60. the same sign (the one with the diagonal line) means 70 on a dual carriageway.

for those who are still unsure of the speed limits:

www.highwaycode.gov.uk/09.shtml

Please tell me you dont have a driving licence salty

He doesn't need a driving license. Cos he's a cunt. They drive anyway. With no regard to laws and other such trivialities!

The convict fuck!

Although that may be harsh cos I'm pissed and grumpy. I leave it up to every one else to decide...

I've seen Mad Max. Even the police drive like maniacs out there.

I didn't know that Salty is a lag.
I don't pay enough attention.

And that, my skinny pal, is why you only got a first in your degree.

isn't this a case of the rake calling the lamppost thin?

Hmmm. That outburst may have been a tad over the top.

Ah well. Sorry about that.

Although he is a crook, innit.

innerestin... the highway code book i got when i arrived 7 years ago must have been wrong. nice to know, ta

but in any case, speeding on the straightaway is as tedious as hell and expensive if caught and saves you bugger all time so why bother? i like bicycling fast round corners, meself, and that means B or C roads. and occasionally people's front gardens

mind you, before i learned that the english cops are NOT completely relaxed about motorway speeding, on my first post-run-in trip on the old thundercat i thought i'd enjoy the novelty of unrestricted speed. i maxed it out on the way to cornwall, so that's somewhere between 150 & 155.
and on the way home i averaged 100mph (odometer divided by time) between Exeter and London including fuel stops (think about that...)

"the highway code book i got when i arrived 7 years ago must have been wrong"
might i suggest you were looking at the wrong column, like the caravan column in which the limit is indeed 50 on those roads.
:)

I've never worked out why people boast about how stupid they are.

Are we supposed to say "wow you are so cool for going at 150"?

There's nothing stupid about going fast, Alfie. I do hate sweeping generalisations like that. "Speed kills" and all that bollocks. Speed doesn't kill, hitting other hard objects kills. Driving at 200mph in daylight on a straight empty clear road is no more dangerous than washing your pants.

An impact speed (impact, not speed at which the accident occurs) over 30mph will massively increase the chance of a fatality almost exponentially. Most direct straight line deccelerations from 30mph with minimal deformation of structure (ie the linear distance of the accident is short) will kill the average human. It is quite simple to have an impact speed of 30mph at any point when the car is initially going at that speed or above it. Therefore the only danger from driving 'fast' is if the speed, person and the car and/or conditions are not appropriate. But "Going at a speed whereby you have insufficient control and/or reaction times and skill to cope with a situation should it occur" isn't as catchy a slogan. is it?

How could they justify all those speed camera's like that?

I have driven on and off circuits at speeds like that and above, and there is nothing wrong with it, if it is appropriate. If Salti was in the fast lane of a busy motorway, then he was being stupid. If it was raining or windy, he was stupid. If it was at night, and unlit, he was stupid. If he was intoxicated, he was stupid. If he's not a very good rider he was stupid.

Oh, and if he was an Australian, he's probably stupid ;)

i absolutely concur with your first and last points there brock m'man-- spot on.

and alfie, try to read BOTH of my immediately preceding posts.

[hmm.. iamcal.com keeps disappearing]
it's interesting to read studies' actual data, rather than the publically approved re-interpretations of their conclusions. most studies show no correlation between speed and accidents.

similarly, there is a NEGATIVE correlation between motorcycle enginesize and accidents.

oh, the 150mph run was in the empty third lane on a very sparsely populated motorway with only a smattering in the middle lane, with 5miles+ visibility at all times. still possible to get whacked if a non-overtaker suddenly decided to change lanes, but was otherwise watching for anyone looking frustrated by person in front

the return run was on the same motorway essentially emptied by the preceding shit weather. normal speed 130.

running a road bike on the track sharply restricts your straightline speed -- there simply isn't the straightline time. but i HAVE grounded the pegs at ~120mph in hollywood/craners curves on donington :) on unprepared bike on road tyres, brock...

Brock - surely increasing your speed also increases your stopping distance? Of course going at 200 doesnt kill you, hitting things does. That's like saying falling from a plane doesnt kill you, it's hitting the ground that does. It's bloody obvious. But if you are going faster you have a longer stopping distance. It wouldnt be a problem if going fast affected only you. It's the fact that someone can be obeying all the rules, driving safely, and be in an accident because someone else is an idiot.

God I hate these arguements.
I get more annoyed since that incident on the M1 that wrote my car off.
It was the realisation that I could be a good careful driver and still get fucked because someone else was driving to fast and following too close. I know this is true generally and not just about speed, but still gets me tense.

The problem was that they were too close Alfie, not how fast they were going. Think about it. If he'd been going too fast, he'd have driven into the back of you straight away.

So he must have been following you too closely, and you both must have been going too fast then?

Of course stopping distances increases, as does the severity of the accident, but the requirement to see further ahead, and be able to plan sooner is applicable from 1mph upwards. The speed limit has no bearing at all on any of the skills involved in judging the appropriate use of speed. That's half the trouble, people drive at, or under the speed limit, and assume they are safe and don't have to pay attention because the law says they are ok. Fuckwits. People who speed are generaly more aware than other drivers because they are so busy looking for bloody dibble. Most of the accidents I know off are triggered by the bimbling idiot moving into the path of the faster car. Who has the lack of awareness then? Not the speeding driver, that's for sure.

So he must have been following you too closely, and you both must have been going too fast then?

There were 4 cars involved. I was the second of four. And was coming to a stop when the car behind the one behind me hit, and he hadn't slowed down at all it seems. But yes, probably more to do with him not paying attention.

"the bimbling idiot moving into the path of the faster car"

If the faster car is going below the speed limit then the blame is on the slower one. If the slower car pulls out on a car that is already speeding then surely they are both to blame. It will take the speeding guy longer to slow down than if they had been travelling at the right speed to start with.

No!!1 By the name of all things holy, no! The fault of the person (not necessarily legally, but in real life) has to be with the person who pulls out in front of a car without being able to judge how fast that car is travelling. The arbritary number that we have attached to the unit of speed and that which the law has deemed "safe" or acceptable is completely irrelevant. It would be easier to avoid the accident if the closing speeds were less, but you are practically saying that it is the responsibility of the faster car to avoid slower people that are driving badly, and they must deal with the responsibility for the accidents that the idiot causes!

If you (the person in general) aren't capable of integrating yourself into the flow of traffic around you without adversely affecting the other traffic, and even causing an accident through this lack of ability, then how the hell can it be anything other than the fault of the bimble-fuck?

If I am doing 250mph and someone pulls out in front of me and I slam in the back of them, surely they should have been looking where they were going? In an example where I am doing the speed limit then I will have a lesser speed differential, I may have a greater chance of avoiding the accident, but it doesn't in any way reduce or increase my blame for it, does it? Would it have made the accident you had more or less your fault if:

a:none of the participants were speeding,
or
b:ALL of the participants were speeding.

Of course it wouldn't. The speed is purely incidental, and merely increase the force involved. People are unaware of the energied involved in driving, and crashing, cars and have become complacent and don't realise how potentially dangerous their actions can be until it's too late. Mainly because cars are too easy to drive, and you have no palpable sensation of speed.

Brocks right here Alfie, it's cool to speed.

"If I am doing 250mph and someone pulls out in front of me and I slam in the back of them, surely they should have been looking where they were going?"

I said its both peoples fault. Obviously the person pulling out is an idiot. But the person going at 250mph has only themselves to blame for going that speed and therefore not having a greater chance of being able to stop.

"I may have a greater chance of avoiding the accident, but it doesn't in any way reduce or increase my blame for it, does it"

yes it does!! if going the speed limit increases your chance of avoidance then if you are going over the speed limit by that much you are greatly INCREASING the chance of hitting them. so although the person pulling out technically is a main cause, you going so fast you cant stop in time is also a cause, and if you are going faster, then your responsablity for the accident is greater. You should be anticipating idiots pulling out and if it is a likely occurence then you should be driving at an appropriate speed so that you have time to stop if there is an idiot.

You should be anticipating the road ahead and the faster you go the further ahead you have to anticipate. At twice the speed limit (as mentioned earlier) the distance ahead you have to be aware of is stupidly far.

"The speed is purely incidental, and merely increase the force involved"

No, because without that excess speed then, in your example, the person MIGHT have been able to stop before hitting the car. His speed and distance from the traffic ahead in this case should have been based on the assumption that someone would pull out of the other lane, not the hope that someone wouldnt.

(in my case nothing would have changed my blame for the accident because i was the second car in the line and the third "domino" in the game. As my car cant drive sideways I couldnt have done anything to avoid anyone.) (as later agreed by the four different insurance companies who agreed that the wanker at the back who didnt spot that the traffic in front was stopped and hadnt slowed down in time was to blame.)

basically what im saying if the root cause may be the guy pulling out, but a major factor in the severity of the accident, or indeed if the accident could have been prevented, was the speed (250mph!) of the guy in the fast lane.

As you point out, legally, the person going 4 times the limit would probably be found more at fault than the guy who pulled out, even though he really shouldnt have pulled out. (mind you at 250mph the speeder would have been a dot on the horizon when the other guy decided to pull out. So at that speed he probably wouldnt be to blame.

anyway. lets stop. I cant remember there ever being an argument on here where someone changed their mind because of it. We are all stubborn bastards. :/

alfie, i see what you're saying but you're pointing the finger at the wrong thing.

something i noticed immediately about UK drivers is that, though they are far and away the safest in congested traffic because they don't frig around much (because the sheer density of traffic means you WILL hit something almost immediately if you do), they have absolutely no idea about safe driving with respect to non-perfect conditions. no one leaves braking space, no one adjusts braking space for cold weather (less grip) or even rain. insane.

so rear-end shunts are a matter of time, not luck.


brock's point about responsibility falling on the person who chooses to act is valid, but there is also a responsibility on the other road users to allow people the ability to assess the situation correctly. at very high speeds, it's up to the high-speed person to be watching traffic and adjusting speed to allow would-be lane-changers the ability to look and to see them.

same principle as bikers having to take PARTICULAR care and effort to ensure they are visible. we really are bloody hard to see, and pretending that every time a car driver didn't see a biker it's down to the stupidity of the car driver is a childish petulance that drives me nuts.

Genius.

Salti- You think that people don't allow for bad road conditions here? Try Italy mate! They drive about 12" (literally) from the guy in front at around 85mph no matter what the conditions. Also, the roads haven't been built with enough camber to shift standing water anywhere near as well as Uk roads. Consequently whenever it rains (infrequently, I grant you) they all drive into each other with astonishing regularity. I drove in the rain from Forli to Bologna along an Autoroute (about 20 miles) and saw 9 seperate concertina shunts like Alfie's involving at least 4 cars each time. The only saving grace was that they were so close to each other that they hit each other before any of them had time to change speed by any margin, so the force of the impacts was small.

Mental, Italians.

brock - sweet jesus!
my mum said that last time they went to italy they played a game of "look for the undamaged car"
couldn't spot any
:D

alfie - consider my accident a few years ago

i was driving along a derestricted road at 60, with decent visibility and excellent conditions. a guy pulls out of a junction without looking when i'm about 20 metres from him, so i just have time to start breaking before i smack into him at about 59. clearly this was his fault (the police and insurance agreed on that).

now, if i was going at 65, is it now my fault instead? how about 61? how about 70? if i'd been going at 30 i would still have hit him (stopping distance 23 metres).

in brock's example he said that if the car had been going slower than 250mph then it might have had time to brake. Although the person pulling out is a factor, so is the person going at 250mph.

If you had been going at 120 on that road for example, and the same thing had happened. could you honestly say that the accident was all the other persons fault?

I never said that it would be your fault INSTEAD, rather AS WELL. Just that at a stupid speed (like 250) you could hardly call yourself blameless.

if you had been going at any speed over the speed limit then certainly a portion of the blame for the resulting carnage could be laid on you. Just as the other party shouldnt have pulled out, nor should you have been going that fast.

In your case you were not at fault because you were travelling at 60. And yes it was the other persons fault, and no you couldnt have done anything about it.

So yes at 70 you would be partly to blame because you would have been doing "something wrong" just the same as the person pulling out was doing "something wrong"

so although you might not be the ROOT cause of the accident, you would surely have to take at least take responsabilty for the increase in damage caused by the excess speed. an accident at 120mph would have been much more catastrophic than one at 60mph. So fine, the accident wouldnt have been your fault, but the difference in carnage between a crash at 60 and one at say 120 would have been your fault.

and that difference in carnage could be the difference between two people who walk away but have their cars wrecked and two people who float up to heaven plucking little harps.

I had a similar incident to you cal, but one where i was the idiot pulling out of the car park (though i had looked and there was reduced visablity) it was a town road and the car the hit me in the side was travelling at 30mph. So it was my fault that she hit me, but if she had been speeding at 50 or 60 she might have killed me. That would have been her fault for speeding. So the accident would be mine, but the killing would be hers. Because she shouldnt have been going that fast. And thankfully wasnt.

I was about to get indignant, when you said that bit about not causing the accident, because in all of the above examples speed was not in the slightest bit of a factor in the cause of the accident at all. It only impacts the severity of the aftermath, as you say. I would add, however, that 'appropriate' is important. The guy in your example, Alfie, was driving innapropriately close to you for the speed he was driving at, in Cal's, the speed is irrelevant, no matter what speed you are doing when 20m away from a guy pulling out, he plain hadn't looked, and the accident was inevitable.

There is the argument that if Cal had been doing 80, he would have past the junction before the guy got there, thereby speeding would have prevented the accident...

;)

Let's not open that can of worms though, eh? We seem to be going around in circles now...

"There is the argument that if Cal had been doing 80, he would have past the junction before the guy got there, thereby speeding would have prevented the accident... "

I nearly mentioned that but realised it wouldnt have been helpful :D

"Let's not open that can of worms though, eh? We seem to be going around in circles now..."

Quite. :)

I guess now im saying that though not the cause, the speeder may effect the severity of the crash. So you could argue that I'm "doing a Grim..." (shudder) and changing my argument :D But none of you would be so ungentlemanly as to do that. :P

An accident that happens at 200Mph is as likely to kill you as an accident that happens at 70Mph? You're kidding? I dont drive and I dont know the stats so forgive me for being naive but I'd say the faster you go the harder your head is going to hit that crumpling roof after you spin off the central reservation, flip in the air and land crown first into that steep bank on the side of the motorway. Saying that though maybe if you hit a flat surface maybe the velocity will help you by rolling and not allowing the roof to crumple so much and save you by bouncing off those rubber rolling feet cars have.

There is sooooo much to think about with this argument.

Is a blowout at 70 as safe as a blowout at 200? I've only ever been in a car that's had a blowout on the motorway once and we weren't doing 70 but the driver and myself both shit ourselves. We called the AA and a fucking cleaning service.

a blowout at 140 would be the end of you.

Alfie: Certainly if it was a front tyre, pretty much probably if it was a rear. And at anything over 70, Sul, the extra speed is pretty much irrelevant, you am going to kiss Armco, baby!

And as for your first point, the speed of the accident doesn't matter so much if your impact speed (the speed you're doing when all the skidding and sliding stops and you hit something solid) is much above 30mph. The deccelleration can still be enough to kill you. That was the point. I never said it was less likely to kill you.

gah this argument makes me so angry I can't get a proper sentence together to respond.

Last accident I was in:
My father was driving me back from Yugoslavia to Holland.
He is an excellent driver, was a truckdriver in those parts for years.
It was 5 o'clock in the morning, there wasn't another car to be seen on the road for aaages, it was a motorway, staight and flat and visibillity was fine.
He was waaay over the legal limit for speed, but i think he met most peoples criteria didn't he ?

Then a truck flew out of a dirt road and came onto the motorway and we rammed it.

Now as far as I'm concerned it wasn't CAUSED by my fathers.
But I'm convinced (as is he btw.) that it wouldn't have happened if he had done the legal limit. He would have been able to avoid the truck.

So hurrah, speed didn't cause it, but it wouldn't have happened and 4 people wouldn't have been hurt in varying degrees and our car wouldn't have been totalled etc.
Hurrah, it wasn't caused by speed, but I still don't want to be a passenger in a car with a driver who thinks he can speed that much cos "he's such a good driver and the conditions allow it" and I'd rather not share my road with you lot either.

Im not a hypocrite, don't always stick to the limit completely, but nothing like some of the speeds mentioned, cos I don't think you ever have enough control over circumstances, and even though I might not cause and accident myself, I'd like to actually avoid having one altogether.

/rant

Hear hear!

I've been avoiding taking part in this discussion so far, but that sounds like a good final word on the topic.

I mean, it's a bit like saying, "Well, juggling axes is okay if you're good at juggling, because you're not going to drop one on your head and split your head open. O, unless you get distracted by a hot air balloon. Oooh."

hear hear for miki,
hear hear for lucy,
curse you richard branson for flying your hot air balloon in that way, distracting the axe man, when will you learn!

miki: key point is "appropriate speed". that includes time-to-react. i drive most other bikers nuts on UK A roads because i creep round lots of corners that they belt round. thing is, i ride/drive to the limit of my ability to influence what happens next. if there are incoming roads that i can't see up, for example, then i brake *before* i get to them and accelerate as my changing angle lets me see further and further up them.

UK riders/drivers all work on the basis that their behaviour is safe "normally". and then have "accidents" when shockhorror someone does something different from what they expected.

i have no sympathy for bikers/drivers stuffed in a hedge or a radiator that "they couldn't avoid" when they go belting round blind corners or failing to acknowledge risk of incoming traffic.

I've calmed down now :D

When exactly do people decide they are good enough to juggle running chainsaws (or axes) ?

"UK riders/drivers all work on the basis that their behaviour is safe"

That's a pretty sweeping generalisation there salty old boy. I'm a UK driver and I assume that every time I go out someone is going to try and kill me. Or that I will do something stupid due to inexperience. Or both.

usally you can juggle a chainsaw onces you've either
a) grown dreadlocks
b) havn't washed for a month
c) worn orange tights on a daily basis for a week
d) moved into a caravan

And the moment their brains run out of their ears from drug abuse, they decide they can juggle them when they are turned on...

Pushchairs piss me off a lot.

My goat's very funny. Not everyone gets him though.

Back to topic, Middle lane fucking drivers piss me off. I fucking hate them, cunts.

rant over.

Um... doesn't VGA actually stand for Video Graphics Array?

Tsk.

God knows, I was just copying from a list, you don't think I would have thought all those up myself?

I'd argue that some 'inexperienced driver' who once pulled out in front of someone else and caused an accident has absolutley no fucking place arguing against people who drive fast.
I'd say not looking to your right when pulling out is a far more worrying issue.

$&%&*^%$"£^&(*&^%

Don't call me a cunt you worthless piece of shit.

i did look to my right. were you there, you jumped up twat? I don't think you were.
It was raining.
It was dusk but the other car hadn't put its lights on.
There were cars either side of me, parked on double yellow lines.
I was pulling out of a car park, VERY slowly.
Although I didn't know it at the time. Two other people had had similar accidents in the same place due to the awful entryway to that car park.
The woman who hit me, in the moments before impact, when i couldn't get out of the way anyway, wasn't even looking at me, she was fiddling with her tape player i think.

I didn't just pull out of a junction without looking.
So don't accuse me of that.

I have just as much right to argue what the fuck I like, regardless of what has ever happened in my life previously.

"I'd say not looking to your right when pulling out is a far more worrying issue."

I'd say crying because people called you a geek, running off and working on cars to convince yourself you are a real man, then going back to being ubergeek is a far more worrying issue psychologically.

I could have sworn I left that door locked...

hehe

"not looking to your right when pulling out" - *snigger*

Fuck me, he hates being in the wrong, doesn't he?


So? How many people managed to get out without causing accidents?



Of course she was, Chay.
Anyway, she could have been doing a fucking hand stand, it doesn't change the fact that you shouldn't have been there.



Sure you do. It just makes you a hypocrite, that's all.

one horse.......two horses.....three horses......



shit.

Grim: No it doesn't. He never argued that pulling out without looking was right, penis. Just that speeding was a cause of accidents. He since conceded the position that they have an effect on the severity of the accident, but not necessarily on the cause.

Fuckball.

Ha - maybe. Quite what that's got to do with anything though, I've no idea.
Out of interest, I'm going back to working on cars at the start of September. Also, I don't consider myself an ubergeek - I'm don't know anywhere near enough programming languages =]

You stick to colouring in, Chay.

Grim, what I hate more that being "in the wrong" is being called cunt by someone who has shown his own credentials in that area more times than anyone here cares to remember.

Arguing against speeding if I myself had a history of speeding would be hypocritical. I never once said people pulling out were not at fault only that other people were also at fault. Basically what Brock just explained. He used clearer language than me, so better read his as you have more chance of understanding his post.

If you like I could draw you a picture of it.

But preaching on about people driving badly is a bit rich, non?

Remind me again why you changed usernames?

Anyway, this is easily solved.

There.

If I really was preaching about it, why would I mention my two accidents? If I was attempting to look whiter than white don't you think I would have conveniently forgotten about them?

It's fair to say you know enough to qualify, though. And you're in a 'clan'.

A fucking *clan*

I'm not in a clan. I was, about two years ago (actually, I was Clan Leader =] ).

I know three languages, I think, and one of those is HTML, which I don't think counts.

"Remind me again why you changed usernames?"

I went off in a huff (surely you haven't forgotten, you've done that yourself before now), came back and decided that chandler was getting tired (as was the series that I got the name from orignally) and so became Alfie, a name already set up by Victor who changed his name to Abe and back again.

Remind me again why your name is half of the very imaginative "Grim Reaper" oooh hardcore.

Saucer of milk, table two =]

Look at him go, eh, kids?

Come on Alf, keep it up, maybe you can get yourself banned again.

well i would prefer "inexperienced young driver who thought working late would be a good plan but ended up shaking uncontrolably in his office through shock" to fool. but yes it's an improvement on cunt. Thank you.

I've only been banned once, next time I just lost admin and the time after that I stomped off :)

Anyway I said thanks for changing the cunt reference. I will happily change any of my outbursts if you like, Mr Reaper.

No problem, it's just a word.

I'll even switch it to 'inexperienced driver' (all of the above would look silly).

hehe yeah i guess that whole bit doesn't scan very well.

I will happily admit I was an inexperienced driver and though I stand by all those other mitigating factors I will concede that my inexperience was the root cause.

Unfortunately at any given time a percentage of the driving population are going to be inexperienced.

(And not wishing to go round in circles, people speeding should be expecting others to do stupid/naive/inexperienced things, I guess a lot do anticipate this, but it only takes an inexperienced motorway driver to pull out without checking his blind spot and bam, thats the end of both of you. which would be a shame. Anyway I might take this little comment off because I'm labouring the point somewhat)

There.

You do like to go digging up the past when you're upset, huh?
I have to admit that you made me realise that I've mellowed out quite a bit - I spent most of my time laughing at your posts - especially the geek one.
If only 'real man' had equalled 'real paycheque' =]

I agree totally about the experience thing.

Where are the 'P' plates? Where is the compolsory skid pan training? And why is there no real 'collision avoidence' training before the test?

Pfft - crappy government.

Here's another car speed related thing that get's on my goat (as asked for in the topic title): Those fucking 'kill your speed, not a child' adverts.

Let's script one out.

A car drives along the road. The car driver is tapping along to a song on the radio. It's a nice day.
Suddenly, a small child runs out from between two parked cars, right in front of the suddenly terrified driver.
Oh no! The child is hit by the car!
And for some reason, it's the drivers fault! Because, amazingly, the slogan reads 'Speed kills' and not 'Teach your kids not to run into the road'.
What were the driver and his car meant to do? Vaporise?
Not only does the poor driver have to live with the trauma of killing a child, he faces a jail sentence AND has to pay to get his car repaired, that's if he ever works up the nerve to drive again.

Grr.

Well that one they show on TV a lot has the driver going at 35 and says if he hadn't been speeding then he would have had time to stop anyway. The kid jumps out when the driver is far enough away that at 30 he could have stopped.

I think they are saying the driver should be expecting kids/dogs/giant apes/balls etc to run/jump/lumber/bounce into the road and so they should be aware of them and go at an appropriate speed.

I do agree however that they should spend money on your message too. The "Teach your kids not to run in the road" one as it seems that you don't see this message as much any more. What happened to the green cross code and the tufty club? Do they still do that sort of thing at school? I'm not sure.

My brother is called Tufty =] (and of course our surname is Squirrell).

They have those two hedgehogs who cross the road.

That 'driver going at 35' one is bullshit - question 1 should be 'Why aren't his rear brakes working?'

"I've mellowed out quite a bit"
I dont believe you. ;) But if so then good, lord knows the stress isn't doing my blood pressure any good :D

"when you're upset"
I havent been able to go see Reddy this week so as far as "upset" goes I think it's more likely "frustraition" :)

"Where are the 'P' plates?"
They really should make people display new driver plates for, I would say, the first year after they pass. Although in my case I passed and then didn't drive for 8 months because I was at uni.

"And why is there no real 'collision avoidence' training before the test"
I totally agree there. My instructor had a whole track set up and a car with those funny little wheels on it (is that a skid pan thing) to practice skids and stuff but that was by no means a requirement for the test.

I took that passplus thing after i passed but even that is only 6 hours on the road, a couple of hours at night, a couple in bad weather and a couple on the motorway, which i guess is better than nothing, but even that isnt compulsory.

Is your brother's actual name Tufty? :D

No, the nurse wouldn't write it down when he was born.

He's called John, but no-one calls him that (to the extent where I don't know if it's spelt with an 'h' or not).

'Tufty Squirrell' was on his wedding invites.

Excellent

I was pleased to find a baby book that had my name in. They usually either miss it out entirely or put it under "Scottish alternative for Charles" (like Charlie). This one had it listed as an alternative for Ché. Which is much more preferable.

You will never know the inner bitterness felt at never being able to find a pen with my name printed on it in those racks you get in tacky gift shops. :)

Isn't Ché a french girls name?

There was a girl at my school with that name.

It was in the boys' section of the names and
Ché as in Spanish for Hey! as in Ché Guevara, (real name Ernesto Guevara)

the man who is now possibly better known for his presence as a wall covering of choice for wanky unimaginative middle class students.

See also:

Bob Marley
"Student Crossing"
"BEER: Helping ugly people have sex since 18xx"


Ugh.

sadly yes.
the worst case was when I was at a poster sale and some girl turned to their mate and said "oooh look it's that guy with the hat" She bought it as well :/

"when I was at a poster sale"

*shakes head*


;p

if you go to university, it's a full-time job to avoid being at a poster sale :/

Isn't that Alexei's brother?

sorry :(

The tetris guy?

i bought a button moon poster, but i defaced it straight away.

sorry for starting an arguement about speeding.. i dunno, i go away for a few days and i come back to this!

i was trying to describe some guy to my ex housemate and he was wearing a Ché Guevara t-shirt, but not being very aware of anything happening in the world i didnt know how to pronounce it so she ended up being all fucking pompous and pointing at me "sorry, WHO? WHAT did you say? aaahahahahahahahhaaa" then as soon as the ex ex housemate i hate(d) came round, she told her straight away and they both laughed at me.

I think I know who these people are.

Would that be "her I don't like" and my evil twin respectively, perchance?

What really irritates me is when someone enters the parking lot using the Exit so that they can cut in line.

Here is a crude illustration.



It is usually my luck to be in the position of the gold car right as someone is coming in the exit so they can get to the order post first!

And thennnnnnnnnn.

DON'T START THAT SHIT AGAIN!

dude.

:D

"if you go to university, it's a full-time job to avoid being at a poster sale :/"

Cal is right. This one was in the UNION BAR for goodness sake! :D

I'm afraid that I did buy a dangermouse poster (but in my defence I do hope to work for Cosgrove Hall one day and at least it wasn't a Button Moon poster)

Brock - your Sayle joke was bloody awful.

hahaha
I typed that "Button Moon poster" bit before I read jeff's post!

yeah yeah i believe you alfie. in my defence it did go in the bin after my first year and during the time it was on my wall (which was baby blue painted breeze blocks, mmm nice, not prison like at all) it did say "we're all off to button moon to jack off mr spoon"

and dandog, i had no idea you didnt like her, i thought you just thought she was a pretentious wannabe.. and yes, your evil twin, who i dont mind so much anymore.

"to jack off mr spoon"

hahahaha

i think it was a phrase originated by uncle dr lucy record moc... most things to do with jacking people off were

jeff: TBH, "not like" is a bit harsh I guess, it's just that I can't work her out at all and find her very unapproachable, so it may be in my head.

deary me *rolls eyes all around head, around floor, and back to square 1*

I had nothing to do with J.O. mr Spoon... but I imagine the technique would be as follows;



Dear god. It's way too early in the morning. And it's my birthday today! I'm 23! O baby.

So yeah, I'm going to go buy croissants and grapefruits, then have a breakfast of Champignons, then stroll into town, H&H cafe for lunch, then probably go to the pub and smoke big old cigars.

Have a good day, y'all!

Happy Birthday, Moc!

don't you mean Happy MocDay

No.

:p

Happy Birthday, Doctor.

TschuB! I got a bike! I got a bike! Ahhhhhh!

happy birthday Moc

And congrats on the bike.

"you can ride it if you like
it's got a something a bell to ring and things to make it look good
i'd give to you if i could"
but you've already got it

happy docmay, lucyd

Pics of the bike on the way onto flickr, are they?

Oooh, I shall if my Digital Camera still works!

Reminds me, I went on a bike ride round Macc. Forest thursday night. 30mph down a gravel track. Joys.

There was a fork in the road at the bottom of a hill, and my mate didn't have enough turning momentum, so went straight into the grass bank at full speed. Straight over the bars. Didn't get hurt though. Shame. I don't like him much.

Happy burpday Doc. What kind of bike is it?

Yeah, I was once riding around on my old bike, and there was a fork in the road at the bottom of a hill, and as I rode over the fork, it went right into my frikkin eye!!!!!2