Vic: "Hey Noel, that new receptionist who sits near you has a fantastic arse!"
Noel: "That's my daughter"
Vic: "Err, you must be very proud"
Noel: "Goodbye"
Vic: "Bye"
Posted by
jeff, 11:14, 6th July 2004:
well on the plus side, at least she's not ugly and you didnt insult her...
Quality. And what an opening line in any circumstance!
and besides, she DID have a lovely arse
my own less-stellar contribution from a brilliant party house in uni:
[phone rings]
(not much else for it to DO, really)
Sal interrupts conversation of much hilarity: "Hello!"
Caller: "Can I speak to M?"
S: "M? No, she's not here. We think she's out getting blind blithering puking spastic barking drunk." (rattled off very quickly)
C: ".... Erh. This is her father speaking."
S: ".... Erh..." (muffled convulsions as everyone else pisses themself laughing around me)
oh that reminds me of a better one
phone again. at the on-campus "college" (rooms with shared showers&meals and a drinking ethic) in oz. communal phone room. a bunch of us sitting nearby it one night laughing about sillier and sillier ways of greeting incoming callers trying to contact their sons at uni. we were laughing about a standard one and i said "oh we really should DO that" and one thing led to another and i stepped up to bat.
next phone call, the phone rings, they all follow me into the phone room, i pick up the phone:
"St. Anon's Abortion Clinic -- you rape 'em, we scrape em!! Can I HELP you??"
[pause]
"Is that you, Sal?"
"...errh.
Hi mum."
Yeah, we used to do "City Morgue; You stab 'em, We slab 'em."
Posted by
WarHead, 09:01, 7th July 2004:
I was expecting a call from my wife, very late in the working day, and answered the phone 'Pledge's Pickles' (most of you are probably too young to remember the relevance of this) but it was a client of ours. He was very understanding really. Luckily.
I'll get me anorak.
Posted by
Grim..., 09:45, 7th July 2004:
Well, while we're at it, my mate and I were helping out a pal of my mums - she needed a chest of drawers carried up her stairs into her bedroom.
Once we got into her room I spied a pack of Tampax on the bedside table.
"Christ!" exclaimed I, "I'm suprised she still needs those!"
And 'she' was stood
right fucking behind me.
Posted by
WarHead, 13:10, 7th July 2004:
Many years ago I was running a training course on presentation skills. We used to let the delegates do a presentation on any subject of their own choosing, not necessarily work-related. This made it more interesting for us and less of an ordeal for the delegates. We had presentations on all kinds of subjects, like whiskey distilling, wine making, brass bands, etc. and often delegate would bring 'visual aids' with them, often in carboard boxes or large bags.
One day, a rather attractive woman turned up just before we were about to begin the day's proceedings, carrying a suitcase, and all the other delegates were in their seats.
Before she managed to get to her seat my co-trainer said, jokingly, 'Left your husband, have you?'
To which she replied, 'Yes,' and burst into tears.