Discussion » Irony works in funny ways

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Posted by Doctor Lucid_DUPE1, around August 2005:
 
Doctor Lucid in eye related fiasco

This was bound to happen at some point. Karma's a cruel mistress. So I went to the opticians to finally get new glasses after losing mine in a painful evening out in Brighton. Unfortunately I'd lost my free NHS glasses benefit form the week before, so it took me a while to sort it all out. But I finally made it down to Specsavers a couple of days ago.

The first bit, where they make you look at the hot air balloon and the machine whirs, didn't work. They asked me if I had a lazy eye. I mentioned how I had a mild astigmatism in my right eye. They did the tests, but then called up Specsavers in St. Albans to get my previous eye test results. Cue lots of looking at smaller letters through a series of lenses. At the end, they ask me if I know what an astigmatism is.

Yeah, I know. I respond. I have one in this eye.

Actually, they say, you have them in both eyes. Which is followed by this exchange.

"You see, normally the eye is round, like a football. However, with an astigmatism, the eye tends to be shaped like a rugby football."

"Yes.."

"However, Mr Lucid.."

"That's Dr. Lucid"

"Sorry, Dr. Lucid. Your eyes have an astigmatism, but it makes them shaped like, well, conical."

"Conical."

"Yes, conical. Your eyes are conical."

"Conical."

"Yes, and they're becoming more conical. I'm going to have to write this letter to your doctor."

O god. Conical eyes. Apparently it's a pretty rare condition and it's not life or sight threatening. But they need to stop them getting more conical. Dude. Not really sure what to make of it all. I guess it learns me for making eye damage jokes.
Posted by Brock, around 5th August 2005:
 
Can't they just put normal glasses on and put them really close to your eyes so they can't bulge out any more?

And why is an astigmatism funny?

(comical eyes, see? See what I did there?)
Posted by WarHead, around 5th August 2005:
 
Yes, I did, because I don't have conical eyes.

Next time I have an eye test, I shall say to the optician, "Look into my eyes. Look into my eyes. The eyes. The eyes. Not around the eyes. Don't look around my eyes. Look into my eyes."

I bet they'll never have heard that one before.
Posted by SuperFunGordon_DUPE1, around 5th August 2005:
 
If you leave them alone, will your eyes eventually grow to a sharp point and become weapons?
Posted by Saltation_DUPE1, around 5th August 2005:
 
conical?

this makes you a conedian.
Posted by Saltation_DUPE1, around 5th August 2005:
 
you are from the land of conedia
Posted by Saltation_DUPE1, around 5th August 2005:
 
that far off mystical land over the wide wide sea, that land of milk and honey and shiny toys and white-collar bonuses which soar into the sky, where all is owned by a magical giant.