Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 15th October 2005:
I like the word 'thick' (to describe someone of low intelligence);
I also like
'bum' and 'fart'
Which words do
you like?
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 16th October 2005:
Words you won't find on google : gatvol; lekker; and baff (fed up, nice, fart)
Posted by
WarHead, around 16th October 2005:
Presumably they're Afrikaaaaaaans wirds.
And as Peter Sellers famously said in 'What's New Pussycat,' "
I like thighs.
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 16th October 2005:
Yep. Baff isn't though. When we were little, we weren't allowed to say fart or bum. It had to be baff and bottom.
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
Anybody got any good jokes? :(
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
This guy goes into a bar and sits down. There’s somebody playing a melody on the piano. The guy notices that the pianist’s fly is open and his balls are hanging down on the chair. He goes up to him and says, “Do you know your fly is open and your balls are hanging down on the chair?” The pianist says, “No, but if you hum it I’m sure I can figure it out.”
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
/I'll get my bag
Apparently they've found over 30,000 bodies in India after the 'quake.
Rescue workers are about to start searching the second house.
Posted by
ellipse, around 17th October 2005:
not funny
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
/SuperFunGordon gets his bag?
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
This car breaks down outside the looney bin. The bolts have come undone on one of the wheels. The occupants scratch their heads as a few loonies look on. One of the loonies says, "Hey why don't you take one bolt off each wheel and put them on the fourth, then each wheel will have 3 bolts, ok to get home. Wow, says one of the occupants, That's clever, what are you doing in this place? I'm insane says the loony, not stupid.
Posted by
WarHead, around 17th October 2005:
A rich guy is visiting his mother in the mental hospital and on his way out he notices how beautiful the gardens are. He sees a chap working on the flower beds and goes over to talk to him.
“Hi, these gardens are wonderful. Are you the head gardener?”
“No,” the chap replies, “I’m actually a patient here.”
“Well,” says the rich guy, “you seem perfectly normal to me.”
“That’s right,” says the gardener, “I AM normal, and I’m being held here by mistake.”
“OK,” says the rich guy, “if I can prove you’re sane and get you out of here, will you come and work for me? You really ARE sane, aren’t you? You’re not just saying that to get out of here?”
“Sure,” replies the gardener, “it was all a terrible mix-up. I’m as sane as you are.”
“Right,” says the rich guy, “I’ll get my personal physician on the case right away.”
He turns and walks toward the gate, but after about three steps he gets a terrific bang on the back of his head with a flower pot and the gardener shouts, “YOU WON’T FORGET, WILL YOU?”
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
hahahahahaha!
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
I like fart jokes : why do farts smell?
For the benefit of the deaf.
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
Quiet today...where is everybody?
Posted by
Brock, around 17th October 2005:
Dunno. I'm not here, but I thought other people were.
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
It just goes dead when you're not around, Brockles. Can't you insult someone? I just took a look at your pics in flickr. Whole bunch of sleepy drunk men. Luvverly!
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 17th October 2005:
Please note our bar is not open because it is closed
Funny signs in South Africa
Posted by
ellipse, around 18th October 2005:
i just woke up
good morning ellipse
and also, good night :D
I like "schadenfreude"
and "zeitgeist"
Partly because we don't have decent English equivalents.
Although zeitgeist is a little over used these days.
sadly, that's part of the zeitgeist
Posted by
reitsma, around 18th October 2005:
so.... there's this bus conductor, who was really bad - i mean, terrible.
he was having one of his usual bad days, and this lovely little old lady comes up and asks for a ticket to third street.
he tells her that it's $2.35 , and she fumbles through what is left of her pension to find that she has only $2.30.
On telling the bus conductor her predicament, the man looks up, and says "if you don't have the money, you don't get a ticket."
with that, he shoves the lady out of the bus, and drives off.
Posted by
reitsma, around 18th October 2005:
now this poor old lady flies out of the bus so far that she cracks her head open on the pavement, and dies.
there was community outrage over this atrocity, so the bus driver was arrested, and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
as is the custom, the man was offered his choice of a last meal.
The man asks for a jamaican stew.
Puzzled, but happy to do something nice for the dead man walking, the chef does some research, and cooks up a jamaican stew as best he can.
the bus driver eats his meal, and is taken to the electric chair.
They strap him up and flick the switch, but nothing happens!
Perplexed, the guards take him back to his cell, and investigate the electric chair - everything seemed to be in order.
Once this was confirmed, they scheduled the man's execution for the following week.
Posted by
reitsma, around 18th October 2005:
The next week, the bus driver is again offered a final meal before his execution, and requests a jamaican roast.
As mystified as ever, the chef pulls out his recently acquired jamaican cookbook, and whips up an adequate jamaican roast for the sentenced criminal.
After tucking into his foreign cuisine, the bus driver is again strapped into the electric chair.
The guards double the power, just to make sure, and flick the switch.
Nothing happens!
With disbelief, the guards again unstrap the prisoner, and again lead him back to his cell.
Posted by
reitsma, around 18th October 2005:
The bus driver has his third execution scheduled for the following week, and the guards are nervous.
They know that the law states that three failed execution attempts are deemed to be an act of God, and the man would be set free.
Determined to avoid this, they throw out the old chair, and buy a brand new electrokill 3000 plus.
They hook it up, and check and double check every circuit. They complete a test run on a special zap test dummy, and everything looks ready for the big day.
For his third final meal, the bus driver requests a jamaican bbq.
Curious, the chef again does his best to cater to the prisoner's needs, and provides a succulent jamaican bbq.
The bus driver is again taken to the execution room, and strapped into the new chair. The power supply for the chair is maxxed out, and the flick is switched.
To the guard's dismay, the bus driver sat there, unharmed.
With no other option available, they set him free.
After collecting his personal effects, the bus driver is walking out of the facility when the chef runs after him and stops him.
"Wait! Wait! You have to tell me - I promise, I'll keep it a secret! What is it about the Jamaican food? How did it work? I have to know!"
Posted by
reitsma, around 18th October 2005:
The bus driver shakes his head, and says "It has nothing to do with that - I just like jamaican food."
The chef, completely stumped, says "then how on earth did you survive three attempted executions?"
The bus driver replies "I don't know - I guess I'm just a really really bad conductor."
Posted by
WarHead, around 18th October 2005:
That joke is a genuine antique. I remember hearing it on 'Workers' Playtime' a wireless programme from the BBC in the 1950s.
So, anyway, another little old lady is on a bus when it breaks down.
The driver gets off and opens up the engine compartment in an attempt to see if he can identify the problem while he waits for a mechanic to arrive.
The little old lady, who is by nature resourceful and helpful
and an ex-Girl Guide, goes to see if she can assist the driver. Rummaging in her handbag she approaches him from behind and says, "Do you want a screwdriver?"
Without turning around he replies, "That's very kind of you madam, but right now I'm trying to fix the bus."
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 18th October 2005:
HaHAHA!! hahahaha! Especially the electrokill 3000 plus, and if you call right now, you get a free sponge. Note* wet sponge before use (The Green Mile)
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 18th October 2005:
That is
sick , Syl
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 18th October 2005:
By the way, alfie what do "schadenfreude"
and "zeitgeist"
mean?
Posted by
WarHead, around 18th October 2005:
I always forget these. Fucking pseuds use them to confuse the non-intellectuals like moi.
According to Wikipedia:
Schadenfreude is a German term meaning "pleasure taken from someone else's misfortune" or "shameful joy."
Zeitgeist is originally a German expression that means "the spirit (Geist) of the time (Zeit)". It denotes the intellectual and cultural climate of an era.
I thought Zeitgeist was a bit like saying "well, you had to be there" after telling a funny story that wasn't.
no, that's a French word, and it's spelled:
*shrug*
or, if you have an authentic accent:
:shrug: