Posted by
cal_DUPE1, around 30th October 2005:
stolen from bbspot...
Tell me of this thing you humans call *dramatic pause* love.
If you turn me down now, I will become more drunk than you can possibly imagine.
They don't call me Bones because I'm a doctor.
Your name is Leslie? Look, I can spell your name on my calculator!
What's a nice girl like you doing in a wretched hive of scum and villany like this?
You must be Windows 95 because you gots me so unstable.
My 'up-time' is better than BSD.
I can tell by your emoticons that you're looking for some company.
Is that an iPod mini in your pocket or are you just happy to see me.
Want to see my Red Hat?
If you won't let me buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
You had me at "Hello World."
Mind if I run a sniffer to see if your ports are open?
You make me want to upgrade my Tivo.
By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares.
Jedi Mind Trick: "This is the geek you're looking for." *waves hand*
You can put a Trojan on my Hard Drive anytime.
Have you ever googled yourself?
How about we do a little peer-to-peer saliva swapping?
With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic superchildren to conquer the earth.
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this when there's a Farscape marathon on right now on the Sci Fi channel.
I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.
I'm attracted to you so much that scientists will begin to doubt the Theory of Relativity.
What's a nice girl like you doing in a chatroom like this?
Resistance is futile.
No matter how I sort things, you'll always be first.
No, that's not a Logitech MX-100 in my pants, but thanks for noticing.
I think you could be an integral part of my project life cycle.
I'd switch to emacs for you.
You put the SPARC in my workstation.
If you have an empty slot, I have the card to fill it.
We're like SLI. Were great alone, but we'd be so much better together.
You got me stuck on Caps Lock, if you know what I mean.
got any better/worse ones?
Your eyes are like polished trackballs; your lips are like rounded ergonomic wrist-rests; your face shines like a 9300 kelvin whitepoint monitor, and your smile bursts across it like I de-gaussed you. I pledge my MTBF to you, my love, my sweet, my everything -- be mine tonight.
You - Gorgeous... Me - A Gamer... - m4w - 25
Reply to:
anon-134426482@craigslist.org
Date: Thu Feb 16 10:27:01 2006
It was last Friday. I had just gotten up from a SWEET game of Warcraft on my PC.
Anyway, I realized I was dangerously low on Mountain Dew, so I threw on my lucky green sweat pants and my trenchcoat to walk 3 blocks to the convenience store. I figured if I had enough change, I might even pick up some Slim Jims, but I digress...
On my way back to my apartment, Dew and Slim Jims in hand, I saw you and your friends walking into the Jazz club across the street. You seemed so comfortable and cool dressed to the nines for an evening of drinks and dancing with those closest to you.
It was then that I knew I had to meet you. Although I had never been in that particular establishment, I followed you in. You probably would have seen me, but I was slowed by an argument with the doorman over my attire. After a few minutes, I think I had him convinced I looked ok, but then he proceeded to ask me for $10 just to walk into the bar. I couldn't believe they wanted to charge me just to get in. I, of course had no money, having spent every spare cent on caffeine and sticks of processed beef. I walked back to the convenience store and failed in my effort to return the goods I had so recently purchased. Luckily, the store had an ATM, so I pleaded with the checker to hold my purchases behind the counter for a short time, and I withdrew $20 from the cash machine. Armed with my fresh $20 bill, I marched to the Jazz Club, paid the $10 cover, and went looking for the woman of my dreams.
I saw you immediately, near the bar with your friends. You were at the end of the group with some space next to you, so I settled in close. You noticed me once or twice as I cleared my throat nervously trying to think of what to say. It sounded like you may have commented on my trenchcoat to one of your friends, but I couldn’t be sure.
I finally bumped you to get your attention. I may have bumped to hard as I noticed you spilled some of your drink on your shirt. Sorry about that.
ME: So... Do you come here often?
YOU: No. (you turn back to your friends)
ME: Me neither. I hate bars. I can't come to terms with why anyone would want to pay such high margins on watered down drinks they could make at home for a fraction of the cost... (I trail off noticing you aren't listening)
I regroup and lean in close to your ear...
ME: What are you drinking there?
YOU: (barely looking over your should back to me) A gin and tonic.
ME: Can I buy you one?
YOU: I already have one, see... (you hold up your drink sarcastically)
ME: Well then, can I reimburse you for the one you are drinking?
YOU: What? (looking at me now)
ME: Let me pay you back for that one.
YOU: Whatever. (looking puzzled and annoyed)
ME: How much was it?
YOU: What?
ME: How much is a gin and tonic?
YOU: Five dollars
ME: Jesus Christ! What fool pays $5 for a freakin’ drink? That's robbery!!!
YOU: Get away from me.
ME: (embarrassed by my outburst) No, no, no. I said I'd pay you for it, so I will. (reaching in my pocket) Do you have change for a $10?
You: What?
ME: I only have a ten dollar bill? Do you have five dollars change?
YOU: (turning to face me completely and folding your arms as your friends quiet down to watch our interaction) Actually, this drink was $6 with tip.
ME: What?
YOU: My drink. It was $5 plus $1 for tip!
ME: Damn, this is getting expensive. Ok, do you have $4 change for my $10.
YOU: No.
ME: Well, then I'll have to get change from the bartender.
YOU: Don't bother. Leave me alone. (you turn back to your friends as they erupt in laughter)
I spend 10 mintues trying to get the bartender's attention. I can't blame him much because he was very busy serving so many other morons begging to be robbed of their hard earned dollars. When he finally gets to me, he tells me he won't give me change, but I can buy a drink and will get change from that. I tell him I wouldn't dream of paying such inflated prices for frozen water and a few drops of our country’s last legal poison… He goes on to the next patron.
Frustrated, I go to the bathroom to pee and think about my next move. I’m pretty sure if I can just pay you for that drink that we will soon be making hot monkey love back at my apartment. However, I am disappointed at how much dating is already costing me, and how many obstacles one must overcome to simply buy a girl a drink. I start to plan my speech to you about how I may have jumped into this relationship too quickly, and that maybe we should just be friends.
While washing my hands in the sink, I notice there’s a bathroom attendant. He is smiling and waiting with fresh paper towels for me. Next to him is his tray of tips stacked with dollar bills. I drop my ten dollar bill on the tray, as the attendants smile widens. Then, I pick up a pile of ones and begin counting them. The bathroom attendant gets very hostile and grabs the cash from my hand. I wrestle with him over the wad of cash. One of the bouncers must have been just outside the bathroom. I was sure that he would understand my story, and we could get everything sorted out. Boy was I wrong. He didn’t want to hear anything. He just grabbed me by my trench coat and ripped me out the bathroom door and toward the exit. I yelled “I LOVE YOU” to you as he dragged me past your group. You replied loudly for all to hear FUCK OFF CREEP!!!
I know we’re meant for each other. Give me another chance.
* this is in or around Seattle
* no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
You coruscate like studded leather, honey, hold this USB cable.
In the twilight of my years, I shall pull my sarong around me and murmur your name excitedly.
Posted by
Freena, 8th February 2007:
That's enough about me, what about mu?
I wish I was your derivitive, then I could lie tangent to your curves.
Posted by
WarHead, 18th February 2007:
Maybe, but your lack of punctuation might scare him off.
Or perhaps he just likes your butt and tits. Try putting a paper bag over your head and see if he gives you the same attention.
