THIS nifty site converts posts into pictures
doc's
favourite owl post:
So I was wondering if anyone here had ever had any good fights with owls? Don't get me wrong, I'm no owl hater, but occasionally you are sneaking aroud in the barn late at night, and an owl will come plunging at you with it's claws out right in front of you, and fighting the owl is the only real option. The last time I was sneaking around, a proper big barn owl launched itself at me, obviously believing I was a large mouse or another type of prey. I put up a good fight, and beat the owl against a large wooden pillar that no doubt was integral to the structure of the barn, but this didn't prevent the owl's claws sinking yet deeper into the skin of my arms. Much as I beat this owl against the pillar, it would not let go. I would not stop the frenzied thrashing of a man impaled. It would not the instinctive sinking of claws into agressor. It seemed like a no-win situation. Eventually I threw myself on the ground, yelping like a sick meercat. The owl seeming to sense victory, relaxed its claws for a moment. I leapt up, grabbing the owl with both hands, and bashed it into the pillar one last time. Whilst it lay dazed, I ran for cover, refusing to leave my farmhouse for two days. Within a matter of hours, the owl had retained all normal functions, and is now housed in my barn. Everything is back to the way it used to be. Has anyone else here had a similar fight with an owl? I would love to hear from you.
becomes
THIS outstanding directorial masterpiece
i'm sure this site has THOUSANDS of uses
actually, if you sped it up, it'd make great semirelevant background for a VJ.
oh, and you gotta love that final frame on doc's post's translation
genius. Makes my words come to life. And what an ending.
It's a shame it doesn't search for images of three letters. Like for example the word "Owl"
Posted by
WarHead, around 7th December 2005:
I mean ... (and here's a welcome return for ) look at the tits on
this
Posted by
Grim..., around 7th December 2005:
Thanks for the
hint there, WH.
Without that we wouldn't have got it =]
Posted by
Susan, around 7th December 2005:
Once upon a time i had my life planned out...or half of it at any rate. i wasn`t clear about the first part, but at the stroke of fifty i was all set to turn into a wonderful woman... the wife to a doctor, or a vicar`s wife, chairman of the parish council, a pillar of the WI.
Posted by
Susan, around 7th December 2005:
In fact i was so drunk i slept with this indian grocer called Ramesh Ramesh.
Posted by
Susan, around 7th December 2005:
In the back of his shop, among the bags of rice.
Posted by
WarHead, around 7th December 2005:
Thanks for the hint there, WH.
Without that we wouldn't have got it =]
That was just in case Brock happens to read this thread.
Posted by
Susan, around 7th December 2005:
Are you going to help me War Head?
Posted by
WarHead, around 7th December 2005:
What kind of help do you need?
Posted by
Susan, around 7th December 2005:
I wanted to be a pillar of the community, a vicars wife or a model in the WI, and now I am drinking sherry all morning and I am sleeping with an indian grocer.
Posted by
Sul_DUPE1, around 7th December 2005:
Beat the grocer - get sent dahn - find christianity - marry vicar. Simple.
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 7th December 2005:
Hello Susan are you new. Hello.
Posted by
WarHead, around 7th December 2005:
and now I am drinking sherry all morning and I am sleeping with an indian grocer.
Take care not to spill the sherry.
If you want to be a model in the WI you'll need to be a) a bit wrinkly, and b) prepared to get your kit off and be photographed holding a couple of baps to hide your embarrassment.
Posted by
Susan, around 7th December 2005:
Hello Syl, Sul and War Head. I am not really up for prison or photographs but if I must choose, I think I pick the prison. I like the way the grocer looks at my body however. Perhaps he could take some photographs.
I heard owls have a natural hatred of people. My brother's left arm was torn off by an owl. My brother owed the owl gambling money. He only asked for twelve more hours but the owl wouldn't have it. He started slapping my bro around with his big furry wings and saying ," who cooks for you? Who cooks for you?" My bro isn't rich and nobody cooks for him.
My bro said, "I'm not rich and nobody cooks for me and why don't you just leave me be why don't you?" The owl kept slapping and saying, "who cooks for you?" Finally my brother said, "White Castle! I don't know. Thats it. I mean, come on. You've already beaten the H-E-double toothpicks out of me. Can you not just leave me be please?"
The owl responded by ripping off the arm of my bro and proceeded to swing it about in a reckless manner. My brother said, "hey give me back my arm you fiend!" The owl did no such thing. It kept swinging...the arm I mean.
Finally my brother caught his arm and he ran away. He ran all the way to a hospital holding his arm. To clarify, his non-severed arm held the severed arm. He ran far and fast but it was too late.
The arm was too old by the time he got there. They had to stuff it or throw it away and my brother didn't have "stuffing" money to preserve his arm. Instead they gave him a cyborg arm that makes great coffee. I hope the owl doesn't sever that one too. Because he's my brother (my brother, not the owl) and I want him to be able to make coffee. Its damn good coffee.
as moriarty/spike milligan once said:
you gotta go "owwwl"
Woman has most collectible owl memorabilia:
FACT
LEEDS, Maine -- With more than 18,000 collectible owl memorabilia, Pam Barker half-kidded that she had a world's record. It turns out that she's right.
Barker, 47, sent her count, a video and photographs to Guinness World Records last spring. A couple of weeks ago, she got a certificate verifying her claim.
"I did it as an investment, then out of curiosity," Barker said.
Her collection has ceramic, macrame and plush owls, owls on beer steins and on towels, owl necklaces, owl statues, owl wind chimes, owl greeting cards. Even a blue toilet seat with a green owl painted under the lid.
