i speak of the fortune file of ye olde unix time (and now linux), but any fortune cookie will do.
my 2 favourites;
1. "Two is not larger than three. Even for very large values of two."
(funnier if you're in the throes of semi-mathematical
thesis, i guess.
2. my intro. to dave barry, columnist extraordinaire:
Police: Good evening, are you the host?
Host: No.
Police: We've been getting complaints about this party.
Host: About the drugs?
Police: No.
Host: About the guns, then? Is somebody complaining about the guns?
Police: No, the noise.
Host: Oh, the noise. Well that makes sense because there are no guns
or drugs here. (An enormous explosion is heard in the
background.) Or fireworks. Who's complaining about the noise?
The neighbors?
Police: No, the neighbors fled inland hours ago. Most of the recent
complaints have come from Pittsburgh. Do you think you could
ask the host to quiet things down?
Host: No Problem. (At this point, a Volkswagon bug with primitive
religious symbols drawn on the doors emerges from the living
room and roars down the hall, past the police and onto the
lawn, where it smashes into a tree. Eight guests tumble out
onto the grass, moaning.) See? Things are starting to wind
down.
Posted by
WarHead, around February 2006:
And '1' is supposed to be funny, is it?
MY favourite fortune is the one I'm gonna win tomorrow night.
like i said, possibly over-specific target audience :)
tho the skit i linked to should be a bit broader in appeal
There's one I've had in my wallet for a couple of years. It's one of probably 3 fortune cookies I've opened in my life and touched me:
"The trouble with doing nothing is that you never have any spare time."
Insightful.
I collect fortunes... let me grab a few from my "this month" pile.
the education of the will is the object of our existence.
if you follow someone else, you are ignoring your own path.
creating is the greatest proof of being alive.
life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards.
pardon is the choicest flower of victory.
the very act of believing creates strength of its own.
look for the dream that keeps coming back. it is your destiny. (doubles of this one)
no one ever became wise by accident.
faith is the answer to happiness.
for the truly faithful, no miracle is necessary.
there appear to be many clouds, but they quickly pass.
the best profit of the future is the past.
keep on charging the enemy so long as there is life.
there is no wisdom greater than kindness.
if you can't decide up or down, try moving across.
knowledge is better than blind practice.
that's about a tenth of this small pile. i left out a bunch of the really cheesy ones.
(and if you have any mass quantities of fortunes, you should mail them to me.)
Posted by
syl_DUPE1, around 11th February 2006:
"'n wenner is iemand wat een keer meer opstaan as wat hy geval het."
(Afrikaans)
"A winner is someone who gets up one more time than he has fallen."