Poems from over the weekend:
Have a hat:
I walk down, along the Strand,
Just past the Savoy
Leaning against the bus stop
Beaming little boy
"Have a hat" he says to me
"Go on, take what's yours"
I reach out with my writing hand
Take it from his paws
"That's it fella, try it on
Ladies man, you'll be"
I try the cap, it fits quite nice
On the top of me
Bus arrives, the boy jumps on
"Thank you little scamp!"
"No probs, boss" - a Doppler scream -
"I nicked it off a tramp!"
Good Lord:
I've come the conclusion
Christianity's a bore
Where's that vengeful diety
From the days of yore
Where's the fire and brimstone
Where's the locust plague
Where's the cutting justice
The ruler with a blade
Of course there are extremists
Armed with cross and gun
Performing out His wishes
But to me they are no fun
No, I want firey anger
From the man above
A finger pointing from the sky
"Show me fucking love!"
Happy Days:
Arthur Fonzarelli
The man we call the Fonze
A ladies man with thick black hair
And skin an olive, bronze
A man who captures all our hearts
A homely, people's guy
A bully beating, cheeky rogue
Esteem held very high
But I've a truth, you might not like
You may achieve denial
The man you hold in such great awe
Was a paedophile
Yes, Fonzie was a rebel,
He followed noones rule
But does that make it all ok
To pick up girls in school?
Why'd he hang with Cunningham?
Ralf Mouth? The other goof?
All just kids, like half his age
Do you need further proof?
What about his lifestyle choice?
A cad, no thoughts of marriage.
That's ok until you add
Him living in a garage.
So next time you're watching Happy Days
And Fonzie's cracking on a chick
Remember what is happening
That man's a right nonce prick.
Popinjay:
She turned up looking stunning
Half an hour late
It had taken all my cunning
Finally I had the date
"You look most amazing"
I said staying quite calm
A bit lame with that phrasing
But no need to cause alarm
"Thanks" she smiled brightly
Her face shone just like a star
Looking like I might be
Doing okay so far
"What would you like to drink?"
I called the waiter over
"A rum and coke I think"
"Guinness, hold the clover"
I asked her "How's it going?"
She took a sip of drink
"My hairdryer has stopped blowing
I think it's on the blink"
"You managed well," I say to her
She hadn't finished there
"And I couldn't find conditioner
For my type of hair"
She carried on, "It's not all bad,
Check out this gorgeous heel
And would you guess I've only had
The one chemical peel?"
And on it went, there was no rest
I heard her whole life story
I say that with doubt, I tried my best
But she started to quite bore me.
We bid farewell outside the door
She hailed a cab for home
I started walking, but there's more
She calls me on the phone.
"Thank you for a smashing night
The dinner, it was lovely.
You were funny, smart and bright
The champagne was so bubbly."
Another hour, on she talked
I say, "My battery's going"
She says "No matter," on I walked
In my ear, her blowing.
A week later I awoke,
Her voice still in my head
It's my fault, I'm just a bloke
We ended up in bed
