Discussion » Dial-A-Nerd

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Posted by syl, 28th April 2009:
 
I was browsing jobs on the internet today and found this site :

www.dialanerd.co.za/index.p...

I thought I'd give the questions a bash. You never know? I haven't heard anything yet.

I'm not a nerd but I did my best.

Are you a Nerd? Thinking about becoming a Nerd? Answer these questions and see if you qualify.
1. What is the difference between a processor, memory and a hard drive?
The processor is the dumbass that does all the work
The memory is what makes your computer freeze when you're looking at porn on the internet. It's a like a built-in conscience.
Also known as Jiminy Cricket. BAD BOY.
The hard drive is what we do not talk about in polite society, sah! (If you don't mind)

2. A client connects to the internet via a 56k modem, and it doesn`t work. Where do you start?
Slap your client about the head and tell him to get a proper internet connection. Jeez Dude.

3. How do you access the registry?
Ask the Bride.

4. How do you log on to Safe Mode?
Get some water wings. Put them on before proceeding.

5. Where will "Wirt`s Leg" and a "Tome of Town Portal" get you in Diablo II?
WTF is WRONG with you people

6. Where is 127.0.0.1?
Go fauth and multiply? Crapola. Not Authentic.

7. How do you disable the attachment blocking security setting in Outlook Express 6?
Go File. Attachments. Block.

8. Explain the Picard maneuver.
............................................________
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?......................................................\,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:”........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.\`~,......“~.,....................`.....}............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
,,_..........}.>-._\...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\
...................`=~-,,.\,...............................\
................................`:,,...........................`\..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`--==``
........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\
...................................,<`.._|_,-&``................`

9. True or False: Microsoft Windows comes preinstalled with Word?
It's like I asked in 1992 : What's Windows? Can you open them?

10. What is WEP encryption?
Whenever Elephants are Present. It's that secret trumpeting they do. *nods*

11. Name any three viruses.
Polio Influenza HIV. (HIV is the REALLY shitty one. Or is that Cholera?)

12. What port does an SMTP server use: 25, 80 or 110?
I believe one is not allowed to call it Port anymore

13. True or False: You cannot overwrite the master boot record?
DOBBY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????@@@!!!!!!!!!

14. What is a Zerg rush?
A Borg nightmare?

15. Where does the Outlook PST file live in Windows XP (by default)?
Please don't piss on the files in the first place. I know you hate your job, but please. Thank you.

16. You do not have "delete" permissions on a file, but you have "owner" permissions. Can you delete the file?
No. It says : YOU DO NOT HAVE DELETE PERMISSIONS ON THE FILE.

17. What is a proxy server?
A naughty server

18. What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
What am I, your Google-Bitch?



Can I have a job?
Posted by syl, 28th April 2009:
 
Shit I just realised I sent that from my work email address.

............................................________
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?......................................................\,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:”........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.\`~,......“~.,....................`.....}............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
,,_..........}.>-._\...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,_\_......`\,.................................\
...................`=~-,,.\,...............................\
................................`:,,...........................`\..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`--==``
........................................_\..........._,-%.......`\
...................................,<`.._|_,-&``................`
Posted by che, 28th April 2009:
 
6. Where is 127.0.0.1?

There's no place like 127.0.0.1
Posted by che, 28th April 2009:
 
Joan Rivers? nope
Jo Brand? nope
Catherine Tate? nope
That woman with the monkey puppet? nope
That black woman on Mock the Week? - definitly NOPE

nope, still can't think of any funny ones

Anyone?
Posted by syl, 28th April 2009:
 
Haha. C'mon che. Those are genuine questions. Be serious.
Posted by Saltation, 3rd May 2009:
 
MS Nerd replies:
1. buy a new machine and forget about it
2. by giggling at them
3. the number 32 bus (267MHz)
4. go home to mum
5. nowhere with girls
6. at the office?
7. hit it with a hammer
8. "first: you shave your head"
9. only newbs are at that level. EXPERTS know that TCP is part of FTP.
10. like WEB encryption, but at P for Packet level.
11. swine, flu, and swineflu
12. trick question. dover.
13. trick question. *YOU* can't, but *I* can
14. what you get from sniffing zergs
15. behind the binbags (on unix systems: behind the bindir)
16. no but you can pwn it
17. like a server but not as good
18. dunno, but the airspeed of a binladen swallow is initially 600mph then 0. and bang.
Posted by syl, 3rd May 2009:
 
Hahaha!