Posted by
cal, 12:19, 16th August 2001:
Maybe the worst joke in the world:
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Pattie Looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger,and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says...
It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
Posted by
Suzie, 16:23, 16th August 2001:
*groan*
No, I have a worse one.. want to hear it?
Posted by
cal, 17:04, 16th August 2001:
yeah!
Posted by
whichmine, 19:35, 16th August 2001:
eeek makes me wanna cry...so sad
Posted by
phil, 20:18, 16th August 2001:
Cal, just where in the world do you find these jokes? For once, it's not me, and it's puzzling!
Posted by
Suzie, 22:31, 16th August 2001:
Ok, here it is, and I'm warning you, it's bad..
Once upon a time, there was a yellow toad.. Now, given that he was yellow, people always made fun of him, all the time. He wished he was green and brown, just like all the other toads.. Anyway, he heard from someone (he didn't have any friends, just acquaintances) about a great wizard, who helped people. So, off he goes to see the wizard.
The wizard says "Hi, what can I do for you?".. So the toad explains how it is, and the wizard says, yep, I think I can help you. So he boils up his cauldron, and does all those wizardy things that wizards do, and kablam, the toad is now brown and green.. all except for his, umm.. penis..
The toad is understandably quite miffed about this, and the wizard says "well, sorry, but there's nothing more I can do for you. I do have a friend who can help you though, he's a grand great high ultimate wizard"..
The toad says, well, how do I get there?..
To which the wizard replies "You go over the hill, around the stone, up the mountain, over the sea, through the forest, and down the lane".. So, off the little toad goes.
Now, a couple of days later, a pink elephant hears of the wizard (although not his dreadful mishap with the toad) and decides to go see him, because he's tired of people making jokes about his color, and being drunk and all that. So the wizard does all his wizard things, and kablam, the elephant is now grey, all except for his penis.. He's upset about it, and the wizard tells him to go see the grand high great ultimate wizard too, and gives him the same complicated directions. The elephant though, being a little slow and a little shortsighted, says "I'll never find that, I'll be stuck with a pink penis forever!".. The wizard replies "No, it's ok, it's easy. Just follow the yellow prick toad."
You asked for it.. don't blame me..
Posted by
cal, 08:29, 17th August 2001:
stunning!
Posted by
Suzie, 16:00, 17th August 2001:
told ya it was the worst joke in the world
Posted by
ell, 22:17, 17th August 2001:
*beats self to death with keyboard*
What I wouldn't give for an erase/rewind function on my memory. #_#
Posted by
nobody, 04:49, 21st August 2001:
If some one tells you the stove is hot and you touch it, and you get burned, don't get mad.
If you are told it is a bad joke, and you read it, and it is bad. Then don't get mad.
Posted by
cal, 07:50, 21st August 2001:
nicely put
Posted by
Suzie, 16:46, 21st August 2001:
After all, I did warn you all..
Posted by
pained, 18:12, 21st August 2001:
There are two guys who have been lost in the desert for weeks, and
they're at death's door. As they stumble on, hoping for food or water
in the form of an oasis or something similar, they suddenly spy,
through the heat haze, a tree off in the distance.
As they get closer, they can see that the tree is draped with rasher
upon rasher of bacon.
There's smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving juicy nearly-raw bacon,
all sorts.
"My God, Pepe" says the first bloke. "It's a bacon tree !!! We're in
hope!!!"
"You're right" says Pepe, "Thank God !"
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree salivating at the prospect
of food. But as he gets to within five feet of the tree, there's the
sound of machine gun fire, and he is shot down in a hail of bullets. The
first bloke quickly drops down on the sand, and calls across to the
dying Pepe.
Pepe, Pepe - what the hell happened?"
"Ugh... it wasn't a Bacon Tree .......................
....It was
................a
.....................a
......................Ham Bush
Posted by
Suzie, 19:41, 21st August 2001:
No fair, you could have warned us that was even worse than mine
Posted by
cal, 08:17, 22nd August 2001:
hehehehehehe
I also have a muchly poor one, and I'm just going to go ahead and inflict it upon you, so there. Apologies in advance.
Four things that you may or may not have known about the late great Mahatma Gandhi:
1) he spend most of his life walking barefoot
2) he was physically rather frail
3) he was a holy man and spiritual leader
4) he had terrible breath
All of which makes him...
... a super-calloused fragile mystic, plagued with hallitosis.
*ber-boom*
It's the way I tell them. Or, rather, it would be, if I told them well.
Posted by
cal, 15:17, 22nd August 2001:
that was particularly bad chris. love your site btw.