Posted by
cal, 08:49, 8th July 2002:
Morning humor from Sul:
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner. Mother Potato, Father Potato, and their three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up.
"Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make." "And what might that be?" said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes. "Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed,"Married!... That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?"
"I'm marrying a Jersey Royal!" ..... "A Jersey Royal!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Jersey Royal is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother, I too, have an announcement."
"And what might that be?" asked Mother Potato, said with conviction.
"I, too, am getting married!"
"And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?"
"I'm marrying a King Edward," beamed the middle daughter. "A King Edward!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, a King Edward is a lovely posh tater, a fine tater indeed!" Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted.
"Mother Potato?...Umm, I, too, have an announcement to make."
"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.
"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"
"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement..."All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, youngest Daughter?"
"I'm marrying Des Lynam!"
"Des Lynam?!"..Mother Potato scowls, "But he's just a common tater!"
Got any awful jokes? Post them
here
Posted by
chris, 13:22, 8th July 2002:
An ice cream man was found dead covered in hundreds and thousands and strawberry sauce.
The police believe he topped himself.
Posted by
cal, 14:36, 8th July 2002:
that's pretty damn bad. sul sent me another:
A man walks into the doctors....
Doc - "Hello. How can I help you?"
Man - "I've got an orange willy doc."
Doc - "What??"
Man - "My willy - it's turned orange."
Doc - "Umm... I'll have to look that up.... It seems it could be a sign of stress; do you suffer from stress?
Man - "Not really"
Doc - "What about stress at work?"
Man - "Well, I did have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss, I worked 80 hours week for pennies and then I got the sack"
Doc - "That sounds very stressful"
Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great - half the hours, 3 times the salary and I feel really appreciated"
Doc - "Umm... what about your home life?"
Man - "Well, my girlfriend is a complete cow, she nags non-stop and puts me down every chance she gets"
Doc - "That sounds stressful"
Man - "Yeah, but I'm leaving her and I've never been happier."
Doc - "Umm... what about your social life?"
Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."
Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time?"
Man - "Watch porn and eat Wotsits"
Posted by
Sul, 15:34, 8th July 2002:
Q. What's got 20 legs and stinks of piss?
A. A Conga in an old people's home
Posted by
Gary, 19:39, 8th July 2002:
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
* wipes tears from eyes *
Of course, you do know that technically speaking, Des Lynam isn't a commentator, right? :P
Several cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.
After listening to the pros and cons of the various ones brought up, one of the cowboys finally says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says another.
"Neither have I," says a third. "What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girlfriend down on all fours, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands, and you whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's'And then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.
Posted by
Gary, 22:52, 8th July 2002:
Hahahahaha!
Superb joke, November! :D
Posted by
Gary, 22:57, 8th July 2002:
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed, "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade in our bodies".
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills, went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
By this time, it was already 1pm. He hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He then ran to the school to pick the kids up and got into an argument with them on the way home. Once home, he set out cookies and milk and got the kids organised to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30pm he began peeling potatoes and washing greens for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9pm he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love - which he managed to get through without complaint. The next morning he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll have to wait 9 months, though... you got pregnant last night!"
One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a short nap. Although she isn't familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, and continues to read her book.
Along comes the game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside her and says,
"Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading my book," she replies, thinking "isn't that obvious?"
You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"But officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. I'll have to take you in and write
you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with rape," says the woman.
"But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you do have all the equipment."
MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Posted by
cal, 17:15, 9th July 2002:
i like that one. though the moral is tacky
Posted by
cal, 17:39, 9th July 2002:
how about this:
Never argue with a woman who reads. They'll steall all your money and run off with your best friend.
hehehehehe
Do you really want to piss the women off who read this site.
Ok .. but it is your funeral.
Posted by
cal, 08:23, 10th July 2002:
I don't imagine many women read this web site - it's a bit too low-brow ;)
Posted by
Grim..., 12:53, 10th July 2002:
Knock knock...
Who's There
An interupting cow.
An inter...
Mooooooooooooo!
Posted by
cal, 13:51, 10th July 2002:
hahahahahaha
that actually made me laugh out loud. luckily the slackers at The Face are all out for lunch
Posted by
cal, 17:11, 15th July 2002:
Two students sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish'".
Posted by
kellyboo, 00:44, 9th July 2004:
This is totally unrelated to the topic but does anyone know if lee dainton is married and whether or not it is true is he a dad.