Posts from August 2001

31st August, 10:01 am

Trivia: Can you name two tube stations (the tube is the london subway system) who's names contain all five vowels? How about two who's names contain six consecutive consonants? If you can figure it out, post a comment.

31st August, 9:53 am

send me more texts and keep me amused on the journey home.

29th August, 10:04 am

I have a plan. You all have to mail me stuff in the post. The weirder the better. Send me completely random stuff. And i'll post the best stuff here. My address in on the contact page. Now go, send.

TV Go Home is getting it's own tv show. excellent stuff. [via jen-x]

The lovely Katie Norton has finally opened her site.

Woooooo! Episode eight of pixelflo (the web trumps game) has been featured in zeldman's new book (on page 272). Go out and buy it. now.

It'a funny. It's adictive. It's sadistic. It's ant city.

Internet Connection Speed Calulator [via b3ta]

29th August, 3:54 am

You can now send me sms messages direct to my phone for free, just by filling out the form here. Send me cool/stupid/flirty sms messages now! (The best ones will be posted here).

Check out romeo and juliet for the l33t [via suzie]

23rd August, 7:30 am

Everybody needs a desk duck

22nd August, 9:33 am

the tourettes syndrome website

22nd August, 7:22 am

The best thing on the web right now is this. Go and play, and waste years of your life [via tom]. I recommend you create a profile first, so you save your scores.

Interesting puzzle. I can do about a quarter of these? If you can solve any, post them as comments and impress me!

example: 24 H in a D = 24 hours in a day

1 26 L of the A 2 7 D of the W 3 7 W of the W 4 12 S of the Z 5 66 B of the B 6 52 C in a P (WJs) 7 13 S in the USF 8 18 H on a G C 9 39 B of the O T 10 5 T on a F 11 90 D in a R A 12 3 B M (S H T R) 13 32 is the T in D F at which W F 14 15 P in a R T 15 3 W on a T 16 100 C in a R 17 11 P in a F (S) T 18 12 M in a Y 19 13=UFS 20 8 T on a O 21 29 D in F in a L Y 22 27 B in the N T 23 365 D in a Y 24 13 L in a B D 25 52 W in a Y 26 9 L of a C 27 60 M in a H 28 23 P of C in the H B 29 64 S on a C B 30 9 P in S A 31 6 B to an O in C 32 1000 Y in a M 33 15 M on a D M C

17th August, 8:47 am

I finally finished reading The Meme Machine by Susan Blackmore. It's a really great book, but specifically the end is amazing. I'm thinking about the world in a whole new way.

16th August, 4:19 am

Maybe the worst joke in the world:

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Pattie Looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger,and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager. Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

15th August, 9:21 am

I didn't sleep at all last night. Maybe going to see "final fantasy : the spirits within" twice is bad for your health.

7th August, 9:55 am

Just what the world needs: A guide to UK crisps

7th August, 9:05 am

One in five US parents would sell their child's soul [via jen]

3rd August, 11:40 am

What is blogdex and why am i the highest rated uk blog on it?

Im currently collecting my mail through Twig (a web based IMAP interface) so don't worry if i've very slow to reply.

Breaking news for the coca-karma story: Dan Ivy Jailed for Contempt of Court.

3rd August, 11:17 am

I have a fan:

your website's not very funny. at all.What kind a freak r u?

1st August, 5:25 am

This is pretty funny [via jokes plus]

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breast. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breast are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry; Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put know know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

Sweetheart: [logged off]

1st August, 2:28 am

And so it's my last day at 5emedia today. On to pastures new...


This is the personal website of Cal Henderson, Slack co-founder & CTO.

I give occasional talks, write code and sometimes articles.

» About Cal


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